God and all that jazz.. or hymns.
This is pure mind..screw. (oh what is happening...)
Let us all calm down a bit.
I'm getting very confused and annoyed by the recent happenings.
I am a believer of Fate and Chance. I believe in a Higher Power, a person that I confide to, the answer to everything that cannot be explained by Science and Logic, aka to most as God.
I have always been a very lucky person. I get into a lot of shit, but I'd always come out of it stronger, better. It's not my strength that pulls me through, but I'd always come out alive and I'd always become stronger. I attribute that to luck. But I am considering that this might actually be the blessing of God.
I know how a lot of people, especially my dear friends, would think this is because of my crush. But I will assure you that it has no influence on me. I have yet to believe in anything unless I am given more logical evidences and.. proof of His existence.
The only reason why I am so confused is precisely this... I am a cynic. I need logical evidences. I need proof.
And this slew of events is freaking me out. It is freaking me very bad.
I prayed to be directed to the right person, but I wasn't expecting it to be so soon.
Like, snap snap, the next day I meet a person that looked so familiar to me but I didn't know him at all. I have met a lot of cute guys before and they'd usually bore me by the 2nd conversation. I'd know instinctively that I don't want anything more with the guy.
And for the weirdest reason, he feels like he's seen me before too (this is beginning to sound like a very bad pick-up line ha-ha) and we kind of hit off very well.
This is not to say that he is definitely the right person, but I can't help but think because I am really very picky when it comes to guys.
I strike them off when the tiniest things annoy me. Like, a bad break-up reason with his ex-girlfriend, not tall enough, no depth, from business school, etc.
And yet this person is kinda made according to my preferences... Tall, dark, good-looking, engineer, can hold himself very well, driven, filial, yada yada...
This person is very different from me, somebody that I won't find from my circle of friends, but I did. We are so different yet so alike.
I calmed myself down and figured that this is pure coincidence. I cannot overly romanticize everything. It is just a crush and not some crazy dramatic divine intervention. A bit siao also.
Until one day before I went to church with him, we talked over the phone. We talked about what I prayed before the ball, and explained that if two people were meant to be, they would meet no matter how far they are, how crazy the circumstance is, so no matter what, they will definitely meet and fall in love.
And get this, I brought up something I've read about very long ago about how a woman is made from the man's rib. Every man would have that one person made for him, and every woman would have that man that she belongs to. They will meet, no matter how far or difficult.
I brought it up. I BROUGHT IT UP. And then he told me it's not man and woman, it's Adam & Eve. And it ends there.
The next day, at the church, the pastor taught something about Grace and something about the bible and the Holy Communion.
And I don't know how or why, but he talked about how a woman must have grace. Something bout how a woman shouldn't be finger-wagging at her husband but instead love her husband before he leaves for work.
And he digressed and started talking about how God took Adam's rib to make Eve when he was asleep, that's why the pastor's wife fits so nicely into his arms. AND IT FREAKED ME OUT SO AJSNIOAJSOIJASOPJAOPSJAOISJAOJS badly.
I glanced at the manly figure next to me and think to myself, "Dude... Are you hearing what I'm hearing? Why aren't you freaking out? We talked about this last night!!!"
And in case you think he might have told the pastor, DUDE, read bout the pastor.
I mean seriously, it is not possible. A high profile church, with a high-flying pastor, why would he listen to one out of a few thousand people to convince one person (i.e me) that um, God is real?
Okay... So, like, um, I didn't pray for Faith or to believe in anything. Honestly. I don't think I need it. I prayed for what I want. And there you have it, a person that makes Amanda Tan shy, and all these freaky incidences.
I am confused out of my wits because it is too crazy. It is too crazy to believe that he is the answer to my prayer. And one by one, the little revelations are just too much for me to take because they are forcing me to believe in the existence of a Higher Power.
And if, IF, IF it is true, then what? Wait again? For 4 years? O.O
I ASKED FOR A PERSON, BUT YOU CANNOT THROW ME SOMEBODY LIKE THAT SO QUICKLY.
I need to sit down with this.. Higher Power and tell him to please calm down. I know I really begged to be directed to the right person but this is too fast and too scary, he needs to calm down a bit. I will still believe in his existence if the freaky incidences were presented with a longer lag time and with a milder impact, so, please let's all calm down a bit. Thank you for the direction but I need more proof that it is the right direction, because so far, the signs I'm getting are not very clear. Whereas the signs of the existence of a Higher Power is like woah, so please, calm down. I know I'm very loved and blessed but LETS ALL RELAX AND TAKE A SLOW PACE OK???????????????????????????
.......................
There, I feel so much better now.
Let us all calm down a bit.
I'm getting very confused and annoyed by the recent happenings.
I am a believer of Fate and Chance. I believe in a Higher Power, a person that I confide to, the answer to everything that cannot be explained by Science and Logic, aka to most as God.
I have always been a very lucky person. I get into a lot of shit, but I'd always come out of it stronger, better. It's not my strength that pulls me through, but I'd always come out alive and I'd always become stronger. I attribute that to luck. But I am considering that this might actually be the blessing of God.
I know how a lot of people, especially my dear friends, would think this is because of my crush. But I will assure you that it has no influence on me. I have yet to believe in anything unless I am given more logical evidences and.. proof of His existence.
The only reason why I am so confused is precisely this... I am a cynic. I need logical evidences. I need proof.
And this slew of events is freaking me out. It is freaking me very bad.
I prayed to be directed to the right person, but I wasn't expecting it to be so soon.
Like, snap snap, the next day I meet a person that looked so familiar to me but I didn't know him at all. I have met a lot of cute guys before and they'd usually bore me by the 2nd conversation. I'd know instinctively that I don't want anything more with the guy.
And for the weirdest reason, he feels like he's seen me before too (this is beginning to sound like a very bad pick-up line ha-ha) and we kind of hit off very well.
This is not to say that he is definitely the right person, but I can't help but think because I am really very picky when it comes to guys.
I strike them off when the tiniest things annoy me. Like, a bad break-up reason with his ex-girlfriend, not tall enough, no depth, from business school, etc.
And yet this person is kinda made according to my preferences... Tall, dark, good-looking, engineer, can hold himself very well, driven, filial, yada yada...
This person is very different from me, somebody that I won't find from my circle of friends, but I did. We are so different yet so alike.
I calmed myself down and figured that this is pure coincidence. I cannot overly romanticize everything. It is just a crush and not some crazy dramatic divine intervention. A bit siao also.
Until one day before I went to church with him, we talked over the phone. We talked about what I prayed before the ball, and explained that if two people were meant to be, they would meet no matter how far they are, how crazy the circumstance is, so no matter what, they will definitely meet and fall in love.
And get this, I brought up something I've read about very long ago about how a woman is made from the man's rib. Every man would have that one person made for him, and every woman would have that man that she belongs to. They will meet, no matter how far or difficult.
I brought it up. I BROUGHT IT UP. And then he told me it's not man and woman, it's Adam & Eve. And it ends there.
The next day, at the church, the pastor taught something about Grace and something about the bible and the Holy Communion.
And I don't know how or why, but he talked about how a woman must have grace. Something bout how a woman shouldn't be finger-wagging at her husband but instead love her husband before he leaves for work.
And he digressed and started talking about how God took Adam's rib to make Eve when he was asleep, that's why the pastor's wife fits so nicely into his arms. AND IT FREAKED ME OUT SO AJSNIOAJSOIJASOPJAOPSJAOISJAOJS badly.
I glanced at the manly figure next to me and think to myself, "Dude... Are you hearing what I'm hearing? Why aren't you freaking out? We talked about this last night!!!"
And in case you think he might have told the pastor, DUDE, read bout the pastor.
I mean seriously, it is not possible. A high profile church, with a high-flying pastor, why would he listen to one out of a few thousand people to convince one person (i.e me) that um, God is real?
Okay... So, like, um, I didn't pray for Faith or to believe in anything. Honestly. I don't think I need it. I prayed for what I want. And there you have it, a person that makes Amanda Tan shy, and all these freaky incidences.
I am confused out of my wits because it is too crazy. It is too crazy to believe that he is the answer to my prayer. And one by one, the little revelations are just too much for me to take because they are forcing me to believe in the existence of a Higher Power.
And if, IF, IF it is true, then what? Wait again? For 4 years? O.O
I ASKED FOR A PERSON, BUT YOU CANNOT THROW ME SOMEBODY LIKE THAT SO QUICKLY.
I need to sit down with this.. Higher Power and tell him to please calm down. I know I really begged to be directed to the right person but this is too fast and too scary, he needs to calm down a bit. I will still believe in his existence if the freaky incidences were presented with a longer lag time and with a milder impact, so, please let's all calm down a bit. Thank you for the direction but I need more proof that it is the right direction, because so far, the signs I'm getting are not very clear. Whereas the signs of the existence of a Higher Power is like woah, so please, calm down. I know I'm very loved and blessed but LETS ALL RELAX AND TAKE A SLOW PACE OK???????????????????????????
.......................
There, I feel so much better now.