Happy Teachers Day
Today's a day I will remember for a very, very long time.
It's been five years since I've graduated from KRSS, and I've not returned until today.
I didn't want to return with nothing. I graduated well, and I want to return with something... Or something that would do the teachers proud.
It's very narcissistic of me and they probably don't care much about that but I didn't feel good returning with nothing.
That said, I was guilty of leaving Accountancy and taking a break before joining Mass Comm.
I was ashamed of that so I didn't go back. I thought the teachers would say the same thing my peers did - "Why waste time? Accountancy's such a good course. Good for nothing. / Told you you should have gone to a JC."
I felt guilty for not returning, but I knew it was the best mistake I've done in my entire life and if I could turn back time, I would have done the same.
All I needed was results. Good results. Not academically, but something I could tell the teachers and they would be happy about.
So today, I did. I even rehearsed how I'd defend myself if they said the things I didn't want to hear (as above).
But it was unnecessary. It was unnecessary that's why I'm so guilty right now for thinking they wouldn't understand.
They were really, really happy to see randy and I. "Finally" they say. They told me I was being silly when I told them I didn't have the heart to face them without having any achievements in life.
It saddens me so much because I owe them so much, I have never forgotten them and I have always wanted to thank them with something they can smile and be proud of. Yet I am about 5 years too late. Unnecessary waiting.
The school building remains the same, more than half the staff have changed, the entire feeling of the school is different.
The teachers that were extremely passionate in teaching are now weary. Jaded.
Most of them resigned and retired. Those left are thinking about leaving. They tell us we were one of the best batch, the last of the best.
Those from 1990 on were a whole new generation. One year apart but a whole world of difference.
The lack of stamina and deteriorating health makes it hard for them to continue imparting their knowledge.
They were happy to see me. It was then that I realized that I was so wrong, but so right.
Some of my peers still think it was a mistake to have left Accountancy and waste time, but my teachers, now my mentors, slightly jaded and worn out from their job told me that they wished they did the same when they were younger
That not many people would have the courage to stop their world and slow down to see what they really want in life.
It is true that it's nice that my peers have graduated with diplomas and A Level Certs, taking up a course in a local Uni perhaps... But some of them don't even know what they want.
My mentors were proud that I made that decision.
Which brings me to a point that I try to tell anybody that judge my actions. I think it's perfectly fine to judge me for my looks, my choice of words and etc but I don't think it's right to think that I'm good or bad just because of the things I do.
It doesn't make me better if I finally donate to charity. I've always believed that it is pathetic for a person to live by other people's standard/idea of life.
Just because it is a general consensus that people should never speak of their success unless asked/noticed, it does not mean that sharing your joy and telling people what you have achieved makes you less humble or appreciative.
These teachers have taught me so much, without them, I wouldn't have gained so much.
Yet kids these days don't know, forcing them to leave. They don't know what they're losing.
It pains me so much.
They love teaching so much, yet they can no longer continue because these people don't appreciate it.
They love something that's so difficult to love.
It pains me. So much.
I took the time to walk around the campus alone, and there wasn't a better time to relive those moments with Jay Chou in my ears.
I walked to the classrooms and it's crazy. It's crazy because like in TV Shows, images of the past flash in my mind... Those memories literally come to life.
I stood outside the Sec1/2 classroom and looked into the classroom. I saw the seat I used to take, next to Charissa and Julius, my sleeping partners.
I saw young Randy walking past the classroom, slightly beng and proud, with his hair styled with water.
I saw young Glavin, Qiuli, Melissa.
Whenever the boys and I spoke of Sec 1 days or their first impressions of me, they tell me they would never forget me in my Queensway uniform. I stood at the door of the classroom, and I screamed, then another scream followed. Then two girls embraced.
They will always remember me as Melissa' best friend.
I remember how we put in so much effort in decorating the classroom.
I looked opposite, and I remember young Johnathon. Plump, with a cute head and belly, with his cute bag.
I remember thinking to myself that he's cute but I was infatuated with his other classmate.
I walked up to my Sec 3 class and I choke on tears.
It was the year of change. I remember being excited because the boys will finally wear long pants.
I remember young Zongwen with his Jack Jack soft toy on his bag, I remember smiling and being happy for him and his then-girlfriend.
The classic CME lesson with Sandy's classic reply on through-train. I remember Junru.
I walked to the hall and parade square, I still remember where our class sat.
I saw young Ms Lim taking attendance.
Then I saw Johnathon look back at me during reading period, we smile.
I can still remember the places I stood waiting for him, the places I saw him smile at me when he thought I won't look.
I can still remember the happiness and heartache whenever I walk past his classroom.
I went up to the Sec 4 class, and saw all of us in our seats.
Everything felt just like yesterday.
I sat outside the hall to think. I thought about a lot of people.
I remember hugging Khatijah so tight on the day of the release of O level results because 'I love you's were not enough.
I remember the things she told me. I remember everything. Our conversations at the bus stop.
I felt sorry last year when I finally logged onto my blogger page and found 2 long overdued comments from her asking me to contact her.
It was too long ago, and I didn't have the face nor courage to contact her anymore. I wish she would forgive me.
I remember Isabelle whose smile made me feel a lot better, her optimism made things a lot easier for me. We weren't close, but her smiles just have that effect.
And of course Rosalind.
I remember every choir lesson with Melissa. I remember skipping choir with her.
I remember all the laughs we had together which also made Ros laugh.
I remember panicking when Mrs Tan combed the entire school to find Melissa and I for skipping choir.
I don't think very much of Melissa now, but the happiness and love was very real.
I don't think we can ever be good friends anymore, but for all those memories, I really wish her well.
I wish her nothing but happiness, love and health.
After walking around, I got to meet my Chemistry teacher.
We talked a lot, and it will stay with me for a very long time.
I don't wish to reveal too much but her words struck a chord in me after all that reminiscing
"There is no such thing as a perfect man. Just a man whom you can live with, and shares the same values as you do."
It is very simple, something that I already know, but it's just more meaningful coming from her.
She has a happy marriage life, gone through most parts of life, there is really no better person to say that than her.
Johnathon was perfect to me though all my friends can't see why, but now I know.
Now I know that perfection is just a term you give the person you love.
He is perfect today, but he will not be perfect to me tomorrow if I didn't think he is.
In other words, there is nobody I need.
I will need you today, but I may not need you tomorrow if you prove yourself to be someone I can't live with.
I did a reality check after that, and left with a very heavy heart.
The happiness I felt from all the memories will forever be a memory.
I can relive them over and over again, but it is pointless if the person is no longer the same.
The Johnathon I used to know and love was my sunshine, but things have changed.
I'm not sure if I know him anymore, and he is most definitely not mine to call Sunshine anymore.
Those memories really still mean too much to me, so I will leave it at that and not ruin it.
尊师重道
It's been five years since I've graduated from KRSS, and I've not returned until today.
I didn't want to return with nothing. I graduated well, and I want to return with something... Or something that would do the teachers proud.
It's very narcissistic of me and they probably don't care much about that but I didn't feel good returning with nothing.
That said, I was guilty of leaving Accountancy and taking a break before joining Mass Comm.
I was ashamed of that so I didn't go back. I thought the teachers would say the same thing my peers did - "Why waste time? Accountancy's such a good course. Good for nothing. / Told you you should have gone to a JC."
I felt guilty for not returning, but I knew it was the best mistake I've done in my entire life and if I could turn back time, I would have done the same.
All I needed was results. Good results. Not academically, but something I could tell the teachers and they would be happy about.
So today, I did. I even rehearsed how I'd defend myself if they said the things I didn't want to hear (as above).
But it was unnecessary. It was unnecessary that's why I'm so guilty right now for thinking they wouldn't understand.
They were really, really happy to see randy and I. "Finally" they say. They told me I was being silly when I told them I didn't have the heart to face them without having any achievements in life.
It saddens me so much because I owe them so much, I have never forgotten them and I have always wanted to thank them with something they can smile and be proud of. Yet I am about 5 years too late. Unnecessary waiting.
The school building remains the same, more than half the staff have changed, the entire feeling of the school is different.
The teachers that were extremely passionate in teaching are now weary. Jaded.
Most of them resigned and retired. Those left are thinking about leaving. They tell us we were one of the best batch, the last of the best.
Those from 1990 on were a whole new generation. One year apart but a whole world of difference.
The lack of stamina and deteriorating health makes it hard for them to continue imparting their knowledge.
They were happy to see me. It was then that I realized that I was so wrong, but so right.
Some of my peers still think it was a mistake to have left Accountancy and waste time, but my teachers, now my mentors, slightly jaded and worn out from their job told me that they wished they did the same when they were younger
That not many people would have the courage to stop their world and slow down to see what they really want in life.
It is true that it's nice that my peers have graduated with diplomas and A Level Certs, taking up a course in a local Uni perhaps... But some of them don't even know what they want.
My mentors were proud that I made that decision.
Which brings me to a point that I try to tell anybody that judge my actions. I think it's perfectly fine to judge me for my looks, my choice of words and etc but I don't think it's right to think that I'm good or bad just because of the things I do.
It doesn't make me better if I finally donate to charity. I've always believed that it is pathetic for a person to live by other people's standard/idea of life.
Just because it is a general consensus that people should never speak of their success unless asked/noticed, it does not mean that sharing your joy and telling people what you have achieved makes you less humble or appreciative.
These teachers have taught me so much, without them, I wouldn't have gained so much.
Yet kids these days don't know, forcing them to leave. They don't know what they're losing.
It pains me so much.
They love teaching so much, yet they can no longer continue because these people don't appreciate it.
They love something that's so difficult to love.
It pains me. So much.
I took the time to walk around the campus alone, and there wasn't a better time to relive those moments with Jay Chou in my ears.
I walked to the classrooms and it's crazy. It's crazy because like in TV Shows, images of the past flash in my mind... Those memories literally come to life.
I stood outside the Sec1/2 classroom and looked into the classroom. I saw the seat I used to take, next to Charissa and Julius, my sleeping partners.
I saw young Randy walking past the classroom, slightly beng and proud, with his hair styled with water.
I saw young Glavin, Qiuli, Melissa.
Whenever the boys and I spoke of Sec 1 days or their first impressions of me, they tell me they would never forget me in my Queensway uniform. I stood at the door of the classroom, and I screamed, then another scream followed. Then two girls embraced.
They will always remember me as Melissa' best friend.
I remember how we put in so much effort in decorating the classroom.
I looked opposite, and I remember young Johnathon. Plump, with a cute head and belly, with his cute bag.
I remember thinking to myself that he's cute but I was infatuated with his other classmate.
I walked up to my Sec 3 class and I choke on tears.
It was the year of change. I remember being excited because the boys will finally wear long pants.
I remember young Zongwen with his Jack Jack soft toy on his bag, I remember smiling and being happy for him and his then-girlfriend.
The classic CME lesson with Sandy's classic reply on through-train. I remember Junru.
I walked to the hall and parade square, I still remember where our class sat.
I saw young Ms Lim taking attendance.
Then I saw Johnathon look back at me during reading period, we smile.
I can still remember the places I stood waiting for him, the places I saw him smile at me when he thought I won't look.
I can still remember the happiness and heartache whenever I walk past his classroom.
I went up to the Sec 4 class, and saw all of us in our seats.
Everything felt just like yesterday.
I sat outside the hall to think. I thought about a lot of people.
I remember hugging Khatijah so tight on the day of the release of O level results because 'I love you's were not enough.
I remember the things she told me. I remember everything. Our conversations at the bus stop.
I felt sorry last year when I finally logged onto my blogger page and found 2 long overdued comments from her asking me to contact her.
It was too long ago, and I didn't have the face nor courage to contact her anymore. I wish she would forgive me.
I remember Isabelle whose smile made me feel a lot better, her optimism made things a lot easier for me. We weren't close, but her smiles just have that effect.
And of course Rosalind.
I remember every choir lesson with Melissa. I remember skipping choir with her.
I remember all the laughs we had together which also made Ros laugh.
I remember panicking when Mrs Tan combed the entire school to find Melissa and I for skipping choir.
I don't think very much of Melissa now, but the happiness and love was very real.
I don't think we can ever be good friends anymore, but for all those memories, I really wish her well.
I wish her nothing but happiness, love and health.
After walking around, I got to meet my Chemistry teacher.
We talked a lot, and it will stay with me for a very long time.
I don't wish to reveal too much but her words struck a chord in me after all that reminiscing
"There is no such thing as a perfect man. Just a man whom you can live with, and shares the same values as you do."
It is very simple, something that I already know, but it's just more meaningful coming from her.
She has a happy marriage life, gone through most parts of life, there is really no better person to say that than her.
Johnathon was perfect to me though all my friends can't see why, but now I know.
Now I know that perfection is just a term you give the person you love.
He is perfect today, but he will not be perfect to me tomorrow if I didn't think he is.
In other words, there is nobody I need.
I will need you today, but I may not need you tomorrow if you prove yourself to be someone I can't live with.
I did a reality check after that, and left with a very heavy heart.
The happiness I felt from all the memories will forever be a memory.
I can relive them over and over again, but it is pointless if the person is no longer the same.
The Johnathon I used to know and love was my sunshine, but things have changed.
I'm not sure if I know him anymore, and he is most definitely not mine to call Sunshine anymore.
Those memories really still mean too much to me, so I will leave it at that and not ruin it.
尊师重道