My Quest, My birth place, My Return with love
The day is drawing nearer where I will be where I blossomed. New York, New Jersey, The City, China Town....maybe old faces that were once young. Perhaps beaten into growth preemptivly due to reality becoming more clear as maturity creeps within. I hope for this seemingly meaningless trip to some how turn into something meaningful. Maybe if I'm lucky, spiritual. To step unto the ground I used to play the games that children play-tag, hide and seek, Truth Or dare.
Where I got my first kiss from the older girl that I lied about my age to. Jackie. I will never forget the joy that memory brings. My frist best friend. Being a leader of a certain clique. I was the oldest amongst the group, those who didn't like the other 2 leaders of our young pack that were bullies and hurt people. Yet, I would play with the bullies too, they were my age and I was the nice one.
Ah, I can't get lost in memory now. This is not supposed to be about what has past but what is to come. I am bound to see the family. My brother whose health is....in bad shape. Yet his vigor and charisma does not suffer with him. My niece and nephew....Soleil and Jesuah. God, nobody in the family knows who much I love them. Soleil by the age she is now has no idea how she was my favorite relative. I was there for her birth and I never forgot the fun we had. And Iris, my sister in law. Always has been kind to me. I love them all so very much....I can only hope that i am able to express this to them. That they mean something to me and always have. And though the vessel that carries the cherished memories may be tainted.....the love remains the same. Undamaged.
My Uncle Lenny and Aunt Elane. Ha, I used to love going to their beautiful home in Jersey. I always thought they had the nicest house in all of NY and NJ combined. Their children, my cousins. Once upon a time we played everyday and laughed and shared and learned together. The oldest Anthony, who was and still is brillant. Victoria, as pretty as a new flower and if ones true personality is shown in youth then I know to this day her heart is good. The little one whom I have not spent enough time with: Peter. A special boy who is now a teen I believe. Reminds me a bit of myself when I grew up being alergic to certain things. Yet the boy is strong and will only grow stronger by conquering each day.
My Grandmother. There are not enough room on all the web to talk about the love I have for this woman. She is like a second mother. She helped raise me. I had so many wonderful experiences in life and with much thanks goes to her. She is....not doing well. She was with me last 1 year ago when my right lung almost took my life. By my side as much as she could be. Even when her pain was at it's worst. The years of always working hard are catching up and weighing upon her shoulders. Even in my selfish and recluse lifestyle I still think of her often and fondly. I will be by her side just like she was ALWAYS by mine.
I must spend time with all these people whom are my family. People I have taken for granted. And when ever I can I will go on my own on the subways and capture my own moments and make new memories. I will walk the streets of China Town at night. I will see the city. I will engage in conversation with anyone I get a positive vibe from.
All this made possible by my Uncle David who live here in Florida. If there was anyone I could pick to take this trip with it would be him. We share many things in common which is something that I an rarely say. I look up to him and understand life better by watching him get day by day.
Though I have obligation in this trip....aside from the time I must spend with family. I will try my hardest to be on my own. In NY and in Jersey both. I want to make this trip about me. About MY journey. I want to get lost in the New York crowds and be unrecognizable. Live a new life. Be someone else to people that know nothing of me. Expereince the magic that only NY can offer. As a child you can't trully appreciate NY for all that is in your grasp is what the permission of your parents allow.
This time I need no permission and require no hand to hold. It will be a world I visit and drown pleasently in.
Hopefully I will return to Florida, a place I have come to loath, with a new love for life.
Here I come, New York.
E