Chad's Funeral
Chad physically left our world in style this morning. He had a packed church of people who cared. And he had everyone laughing at all of his memories. Chad was dear. Chad will always be with me. I miss Chad.
This weekend has probably been one of the most hardest weekends of my life. Last Sunday when I found out he died, my heart broke, my mind shut down and I couldn't think. Even that Monday .. when I was off work, I couldn't think, I didn't sleep, couldn't eat and I was on the phone. Then I was shoved right back into work Tues - Friday .. with no time to think. It seemed like no one understood what was going on. I wasn't okay. I wasn't over it. And yes .. I took/in the middle of taking four days off to go to his wake/funeral/burial.
I also think it's really lame that I couldn't go through this time period without phone calls from work. Erin called me Saturday on the way up there .. and she said Amanda told her to call me about this copy and print customer. So after I got off the phone with that, and called this customer, from Emporia, KS, on my cell phone. Yeah, I was being a bitch. Yeah, I didn't care. When Amanda went to her gramma's funeral, no one called her. NO ONE .. and she was gone for like three - four days too. When Ricky died, no one called Alex about work related stuff...we only called to make sure she was okay. So yeah, I was upset. I don't care if Chad wasn't my blood relative. He was my best guy friend, he was a fellow cadet and he meant so much to me. Then Alex called me tonight, asking me about the same stupid customer .. and I don't hate her .. but it still made me mad that I had to be called. First ... when I was talking to Erin two days before, I told her where the file I was saved. not my fault she didn't write it down. Second .. I am NOT IN MISSOURI!!! I AM ATTENDING A FUNERAL. DO NOT CALL ME!!! It just pisses me off.
After I got there Saturday, I went to the wake. It was so hard. My whole body started shaking and I felt really faint. I saw a few of my jrotc friends .. other than that .. I just cried and cried then went back to the hotel. Sunday night my dad and step mom went with me to the formal viewing. I ran into more people there. It was nice.
And this morning was the funeral. It was so beautiful. There were at least a 100 American Leagon members with their huge flags and motorcycles to escort him to the cemetery. When you went into the church, you saw 50-75 enlisted men/women who came to pay their respects, the Kansas highway patrol (He was involved in a volunteer group with them), All of Northwest JROTC, other school JROTC instructors, and of course his family and everyone I knew who knew Chad. It was just a perfect funeral.
It was nice for me though, comforting. When I was walking up to the front at the end of the service, (you can go see Chad at the end), I just started crying, I couldn't hold it in anymore. And I touched his chest, then turned and walked up another aisle. Then, this guy Derrick, who I was good friends with and we were kind of close at one point, shot his hand out and grabbed my arm and for a split second everyone was okay. Then afterwards we were all huddled and we cried and said quick heys.
It really blew to see everyone on such shitty terms, but damn, it felt so good. If I would move back to Wichita, it would be just for my friends.
People don't understand, JROTC is a FAMILY. You know .. we just bond. And it happens. You learn trust really easily.
But to everyone there, I miss you guys already and it was so good to see and hug everyone again .. and to hear ya'll call me Wingo. No one here in Saint Louis calls me that .. such a pity.
We'll always remember Chad. He was/is one of us. And everything everyone said this morning is true. He's a hero .. he's OUR hero!
PS: I'm coming back down in May for my moms graduation .. so .. yeah .. we'll definately have to SEE EACHOTHER.