I don't understand people....or do I not understand myself?...
Well I love being up here but...I just got done walking around and there are a ton of parties going on, and I"m sitting here writting in my journal. I don't know what is wrong with me...I mean why is it that I feel like I can't be my true self. Why is it that I can only show my self to the people who are closest to me and no one else. I mean in high school I was crazy...not like I did drugs and drank all the time crazy, but I would be so fun to be around and lately I dont' feel that way. I've been thinking about joing a soriorty. I'm not sure if I will really do it or not, but I'm thinking that maybe if I do then I could make some new friends. Or maybe I'm thinking all wrong and I only am joining to show some people that I really am the same person that I used to be even though it doesn't seem that way right now. Something that I dont' understand is the fact that...I feel so out of place all the time, even with my boyfriend. I especially feel that way when he is at his frat house. I know this is gonna sound really stupid but sometimes I think he wishes I was more of a partier. I know he's told me this a million times that he doesn't feel that way but I feel that way. I wish that for one day he could just feel what I feel for one day. Feel what it's like to feel like you dont' belong and that people are only being nice to you because your "Dennis's girlfriend". I know this sounds really dumb....especially to you people who know Dennis and I. But no matter how many times I tell him this...this feeling just never goes away. I've tried talking and I don't feel that it has changed the way I feel. Well now that I've rambled about nothing that is of any importance to anyone who reads this...I'm just gonna go. I'll udate after labor day...let you know how uneventful my weekend really was. Later