(no subject)
i'm thinking i might need to start seeing a shrink, or find a way to drop ap chem or something sometime soon. it's not becasue i've been feeling really stressed lately; paxon does that all the time. it's becasue of the way that one minute i'm feeling happy about my friends and my life and the next minute i feel terrible and i have no idea what i'm gonna do next or how i am gonna pass chem 2 or do any of the things that need to get done. in the past week, lots of stuff has happened. i found out that i have a 22 percent average in chem 2 and that i would need to get full credit on every assignment in that class for the next six weeks to even get a B- in that class. at cc practice on tuesday, i was racing against this guy on the tenth 400 even though i knew i was practically limping because i thought i would have to do another one if i didn't beat him. so i finished the lap and had a horrible cramp in my right calf. i couldn't put any pressue on it at all. and drank a bunch of water and did some stuff...which was absolutely terrible and painful. it is now saturday and i havn't run since then. it still hurts to put pressue on the my leg. we did our second lab in ap chem and i wanted to leave early to get to cc practice(where i got badly injured). so andrew finished the lab, but his results are different from those of everyone else in the class. so if mr. scuillo counts off for puting wrong info on my lab report then i'm probably gonna get another low score on a lab and make it impossible to pass chem 2. that's exactly the kind of thing i need to make me want to kill myself. i wonder if i can somehow drop that class. i don't understand how anyone can like a lab. i hate them with such passion. they are like the root of my initial depression.
a few good things have also happened this week. samantha gave me a hug to make me feel better on monday. she also wrote me this note when she was in precal and it made me feel very good to read that note. it was very funny. yesterday, mr. nerf showed the entire class my satirical news article and said it was the only true satirical news article he recieved. that made me feel great, but that feeling was short lived. in ap chem, i got my test grade back. i got an 86. at first i felt ok about that since 88 was the class high(as far as i know). but now i feel bad about that because an 86 on a test like that is simply unacceptable. i am completely sure i was capable of such a better grade than that. i have felt very good about my friends for most of the last week. samantha doesn't seem like she is at all creeped out by me anymore and it's been really nice being around her. i hope i will feel good at the play tonight. maybe being around samantha will just make me forget how depressed i am. i really hope so, anyway. this feeling of depression i am feeling right now is just so terrible. i want it to end. i feel so insecure.
a few good things have also happened this week. samantha gave me a hug to make me feel better on monday. she also wrote me this note when she was in precal and it made me feel very good to read that note. it was very funny. yesterday, mr. nerf showed the entire class my satirical news article and said it was the only true satirical news article he recieved. that made me feel great, but that feeling was short lived. in ap chem, i got my test grade back. i got an 86. at first i felt ok about that since 88 was the class high(as far as i know). but now i feel bad about that because an 86 on a test like that is simply unacceptable. i am completely sure i was capable of such a better grade than that. i have felt very good about my friends for most of the last week. samantha doesn't seem like she is at all creeped out by me anymore and it's been really nice being around her. i hope i will feel good at the play tonight. maybe being around samantha will just make me forget how depressed i am. i really hope so, anyway. this feeling of depression i am feeling right now is just so terrible. i want it to end. i feel so insecure.