Brighter
It's been quite a while since I've posted here. When I came back from Iraq with the Marines, I was very angry and cared less about talking about my life. Things went really downhill for a while, and I looked at the world with a lot of hatred. Nowadays things are quite the opposite. I haven't quite reverted back to that goody two-shoes heart of gold bullshit attitude I had before joining the Marine Corps, but I definitely feel a little more in touch with some emotions I gave up on before.
This year started off pretty shitty, but quickly turned out to be one of the best years in my life. When I think of great years, I think of 1997-1998, when I started to learn my identity as a gamer and and a dreamer. Two games influenced me around this time that had a deep impact on my future intended career: Earthbound and Final Fantasy VII. It's silly, because I would write a story in this dinky little notebook while at school, draw character designs in my sketchbook, and type of ideas for a game on a computer my friend had given to me that had Windows 3.1x. This was the year I started learning how to use a computer. I began working on the story called "Millennium's End" which had a 2012-esque end of the world storyline. It had a cheesy story, but at 13, it's kind of hard to be very creative and original. I would later scrap the story, but it gradually evolved into a bigger story in my head, waiting to be written. The story "Children of War" was the prequel to that original story, and is now my main focus.
Another great year was 2001-2002. This was when I became independent and realized how much friendship meant to me. After 9/11, I took advantage of all the chaos in the law enforcement system and left home. I wrote a note and took off with all my stuff. David was there to provide me with a car so I could go to school and work. His family was very supportive to me as well. Chris helped me move all my stuff, and one of my fondest Thanksgivings was hanging out with him and just going to asian stores while his dad was out of town. Definitely not the typical Thanksgiving, but I remembered it as two friends making the best out of a day that was about being with family. Johnny and his family was like the family I never had. I lived with his uncle and aunt, and worked for them. Lang was like my dad, and looked after me like his son. Whenever it seemed like I would make a childly mistake, they were there to advise me. Quang and Kevin were close friends since grade school. We always looked out for each other like family. This was also the year I got my RX-7. I graduated high school while being rebellious, and learned that I didn't have to fit into any clicks or expectations to be able to succeed. For a while, I felt like I had everything I could ever want out of life.
After several shitty years, I would like to say that 2009 was another great time in my life. The first quarter of the year sucked ass, and things felt really hopeless. I was still transitioning from the Marine Corps. I was on unemployment and was just playing video games all day, not really accomplishing anything. I had applied to Blackwater when I was still in the Corps, but they didn't have a contract open for me. I began to apply for DigiPen on the day before the deadline. I spent two all nighters getting my portfolio and application ready, and drove to Redmond from Tacoma to deliver it in person. I had to wait a agonizing two months to see whether I had been accepted, and with my pessimistic attitude, I wasn't very hopeful. My room mate was Chamorro, and still to this day everyone wonders what the fuck went through my head when I decided to move in with him. He was such a turd sandwich. All my friends were in another city, and I found it hard to connect with people to get into relationships. I still had a lot of regrets about what happened when I was in the military. The VA provided a psychiatrist for a while, but it didn't help. I wasn't getting any answers. It was like talking to a wall.
I found the answers on my own. This whole time I was doubting myself because of my failures in the past few years. I was so concerned with my failures, that I forgot about my potential and ambitious attitude. In spring, I decided to move in with Eric, another former Marine I had served with. I visited the house he had just purchased, and drove through Seattle for the first time. That day, felt magical for some reason, and was probably the turn of my luck, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I confirmed that I would move in, the first step was to get away from Charmorro who was sucking the life out of me. The move turned out to be a great decision. Not only was I in a nicer neighborhood, and closer to Seattle now, but Eric, his girlfriend Jaimie, and Chris turned out to be great room mates.
While waiting for my decision to DigiPen, one day I received a phone call from a gentleman on the acceptance staff. He interviewed me and asked about my military career, and what I thought of the careers in the video game industry. Coincidentally, he lived in San Clemente, an adjacent town to Camp Pendleton, and he was familiar with the Marine division I was in. The interview ended with his recommendation that I be accepted into DigiPen. That day was the first emotion of happiness I had experienced in a very long time. Soon I would receive my acceptance letter in the mail.
When I was in Iraq, I began researching about a company called Triple Canopy, and had always heard good things about them. I never thought I had the credentials to get into the company. Towards the end of my deployment, I had a spark of interest in working as a military contractor. On my way home from recruiting assistance in Houston, Kruse had called me from Baghdad and told me about his job with Blackwater. I was very interested now and started working on my resume. When I was on unemployment, I had sent my information to Triple Canopy, believing that they wouldn't call me back. a few months later while Kevin was visiting Seattle, I received a phone call from a Triple Canopy recruiter. I soon went to the WPPS course and passed. I ended up deferring my enrollment to DigiPen, and deployed to Iraq. It felt good to hold a rifle again, and I still can't believe I get paid this much to do what I like.
And last but definitely not least, I met a really cool girl by the name of Diana. She is super cute and is not afraid to show her identity. She has a lot of maturity but we can still goof off a lot. She can break my bearing and force me to smile. When we first met, I just acted like myself, instead of pretending to be something I wasn't. She seems accepting of who I am, and I feel comfortable about being myself. Some of my emotions, that I gave up on in the past, are slowly coming back to me. I am still dealing with trying to feel certain emotions. I'm trying to recover from being a complete asshole. She deserves to see the nice part of me, and I want her to see that in me. It pains me to have to leave her after only being with her for just a couple of weeks, to go back to Iraq. I hope she is as strong minded as I believe she is, and can cope with myself having to be away for so long at a time. I really like her and miss her already. The conditions are much better than when I was in the military, but I still wish she didn't have to go through all of this. I hope she is still there when I am done with all of this and can start living a normal life again.
And so that's my year in review. I hope the two people who I still have on LJ can enjoy reading this and know that I am doing well these days.
This year started off pretty shitty, but quickly turned out to be one of the best years in my life. When I think of great years, I think of 1997-1998, when I started to learn my identity as a gamer and and a dreamer. Two games influenced me around this time that had a deep impact on my future intended career: Earthbound and Final Fantasy VII. It's silly, because I would write a story in this dinky little notebook while at school, draw character designs in my sketchbook, and type of ideas for a game on a computer my friend had given to me that had Windows 3.1x. This was the year I started learning how to use a computer. I began working on the story called "Millennium's End" which had a 2012-esque end of the world storyline. It had a cheesy story, but at 13, it's kind of hard to be very creative and original. I would later scrap the story, but it gradually evolved into a bigger story in my head, waiting to be written. The story "Children of War" was the prequel to that original story, and is now my main focus.
Another great year was 2001-2002. This was when I became independent and realized how much friendship meant to me. After 9/11, I took advantage of all the chaos in the law enforcement system and left home. I wrote a note and took off with all my stuff. David was there to provide me with a car so I could go to school and work. His family was very supportive to me as well. Chris helped me move all my stuff, and one of my fondest Thanksgivings was hanging out with him and just going to asian stores while his dad was out of town. Definitely not the typical Thanksgiving, but I remembered it as two friends making the best out of a day that was about being with family. Johnny and his family was like the family I never had. I lived with his uncle and aunt, and worked for them. Lang was like my dad, and looked after me like his son. Whenever it seemed like I would make a childly mistake, they were there to advise me. Quang and Kevin were close friends since grade school. We always looked out for each other like family. This was also the year I got my RX-7. I graduated high school while being rebellious, and learned that I didn't have to fit into any clicks or expectations to be able to succeed. For a while, I felt like I had everything I could ever want out of life.
After several shitty years, I would like to say that 2009 was another great time in my life. The first quarter of the year sucked ass, and things felt really hopeless. I was still transitioning from the Marine Corps. I was on unemployment and was just playing video games all day, not really accomplishing anything. I had applied to Blackwater when I was still in the Corps, but they didn't have a contract open for me. I began to apply for DigiPen on the day before the deadline. I spent two all nighters getting my portfolio and application ready, and drove to Redmond from Tacoma to deliver it in person. I had to wait a agonizing two months to see whether I had been accepted, and with my pessimistic attitude, I wasn't very hopeful. My room mate was Chamorro, and still to this day everyone wonders what the fuck went through my head when I decided to move in with him. He was such a turd sandwich. All my friends were in another city, and I found it hard to connect with people to get into relationships. I still had a lot of regrets about what happened when I was in the military. The VA provided a psychiatrist for a while, but it didn't help. I wasn't getting any answers. It was like talking to a wall.
I found the answers on my own. This whole time I was doubting myself because of my failures in the past few years. I was so concerned with my failures, that I forgot about my potential and ambitious attitude. In spring, I decided to move in with Eric, another former Marine I had served with. I visited the house he had just purchased, and drove through Seattle for the first time. That day, felt magical for some reason, and was probably the turn of my luck, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I confirmed that I would move in, the first step was to get away from Charmorro who was sucking the life out of me. The move turned out to be a great decision. Not only was I in a nicer neighborhood, and closer to Seattle now, but Eric, his girlfriend Jaimie, and Chris turned out to be great room mates.
While waiting for my decision to DigiPen, one day I received a phone call from a gentleman on the acceptance staff. He interviewed me and asked about my military career, and what I thought of the careers in the video game industry. Coincidentally, he lived in San Clemente, an adjacent town to Camp Pendleton, and he was familiar with the Marine division I was in. The interview ended with his recommendation that I be accepted into DigiPen. That day was the first emotion of happiness I had experienced in a very long time. Soon I would receive my acceptance letter in the mail.
When I was in Iraq, I began researching about a company called Triple Canopy, and had always heard good things about them. I never thought I had the credentials to get into the company. Towards the end of my deployment, I had a spark of interest in working as a military contractor. On my way home from recruiting assistance in Houston, Kruse had called me from Baghdad and told me about his job with Blackwater. I was very interested now and started working on my resume. When I was on unemployment, I had sent my information to Triple Canopy, believing that they wouldn't call me back. a few months later while Kevin was visiting Seattle, I received a phone call from a Triple Canopy recruiter. I soon went to the WPPS course and passed. I ended up deferring my enrollment to DigiPen, and deployed to Iraq. It felt good to hold a rifle again, and I still can't believe I get paid this much to do what I like.
And last but definitely not least, I met a really cool girl by the name of Diana. She is super cute and is not afraid to show her identity. She has a lot of maturity but we can still goof off a lot. She can break my bearing and force me to smile. When we first met, I just acted like myself, instead of pretending to be something I wasn't. She seems accepting of who I am, and I feel comfortable about being myself. Some of my emotions, that I gave up on in the past, are slowly coming back to me. I am still dealing with trying to feel certain emotions. I'm trying to recover from being a complete asshole. She deserves to see the nice part of me, and I want her to see that in me. It pains me to have to leave her after only being with her for just a couple of weeks, to go back to Iraq. I hope she is as strong minded as I believe she is, and can cope with myself having to be away for so long at a time. I really like her and miss her already. The conditions are much better than when I was in the military, but I still wish she didn't have to go through all of this. I hope she is still there when I am done with all of this and can start living a normal life again.
And so that's my year in review. I hope the two people who I still have on LJ can enjoy reading this and know that I am doing well these days.