Fanfic: Diving into the Wreck (NaruSasu, WIP): 02/?
Title: Diving into the Wreck (02/?)
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Naru/Sasu (main)
Genres: Drama, Romance, Slice of Life
Rated: M
Summary: Sasuke was a little bit damaged, and Naruto was a sucker for that. (AU, WIP)
A/N: Part 2 of...however many parts there will be, eventually. I'm pretty happy with how this has all panned out so far. Enjoy the delightfully awkward ending.
:::: 02 ::::
It really was something - dialing 911, trying to trace where someone who may or may not have just made a suicide attempt was using just a cell number, having to to talk to the operator and hoping not to sound like a pre-pubescent dork or a girl about to burst into tears, because your voice was seriously cracking that badly.
Quit the experience. Really.
It was definitely one of life's 'curveballs', one of those things that you never saw coming your way - a lot like his old high school physics teacher Kakashi used to say actually, right before he gave back term papers that could make or break your GPA with D minuses and F's to a lot of his students (including Naruto himself). Who ever knew his words would seriously carry any weight in his life... it was pretty much the most current definition of irony Naruto could think of.
He'd formulated a plan pretty quickly, without even asking for an opinion about it from any of his friends: Go to hospital at visiting hours; say hi, and definitely sorry for not calling, and mistaking their sort-of-relationship for just a one night stand when it obviously meant more than a one night stand (maybe); and avoid family at all costs if family was hanging around. But Naruto had doubts about that one, he could just tell. Sasuke didn't seem like the most sentimental guy, despite being awesome in the sack. But he at least hoped that his family would still care, anyway.
It was probable that Sasuke had seemed a little less distant because he'd had more than a few drinks - way more than that. He had this freaky tolerance to alcohol, but after the fifth shot he was literally just - putty, stumbling around a little even on his way out of the bar, though most guys would've been that way by their second considering how high the alcohol content had been in those cocktails. Naruto had been feeling good too, he had been all hands-y in the cab back, couldn't help but giggle and mess around like a kid, he was that eager/selfish/horny. In short, he wasn't really one to talk about being an asshole, seeing as he hadn't considered him much in the days they'd been apart besides about how much of a mind-blowing lay he'd been (and how awkward it would be to try to contact him to just mess around again, if he could recover his number).
But if he thought about it, Sasuke had flown out of there that morning and he hadn't called either. So was it really entirely his fault? Romantic interest, or at least a little lust, it was a two-way street. At least, that's how Naruto saw it. Until the essential death threat he got from him Tuesday, Naruto hadn't heard from Sasuke once despite having giving him his contact info. And now it made him feel awful, since he wished Sasuke would have tried to contact him again.
Maybe it was why he was here now. Naruto finished his cigarette. He took one last drag before flicking the butt into the grass and crossing the street from the hospital parking garage to get to the building's main entrance.
::::::::
As Naruto walked towards the entrance of the hospital, he couldn't help but think back to how this whole clusterfuck, for lack of a better word, started off. He wasn't really mad about it or anything, but it had really drained the life out of him. When he got that message at work (and re-read it about ten times gaping a little like an idiot, if he was being honest with himself), he'd done just about doing everything in his power not to have a something just short panic attack then and there. He never had anyone send him a message that made him want to jump out of skin so badly - was it serious, a joke? What the fuckity fuck? his brain had screamed. In the end, his gut told him that Sasuke probably wasn't kidding, and that he should call the police.
Manny was surprisingly understanding about the whole situation - but then, he really had no other choice but to be understanding about it, considering that someone had just texted his employee a sidelong suicide note. He gave him fifteen, which was a huge relief. There wasn't really a lot of time - the message was sent over 25 minutes before Naruto had picked up his phone, so who knew what was happening by then?
After making the call and managing to tell the operator everything he knew, he'd had no other option but to keep manning his post at the bar. But it was tough. His heart was still jumping around all over the place, and he felt a little sick. But what could he really do then? He would just have to wait to see if things would be OK. He'd slipped his phone in his pocket, since he just felt uneasy leaving it in the drawer beneath the counter where he kept his wallet. Only one other guy came in during his last hour, with a girl who looked a little worse for wear and kept complimenting him on a bowtie he wasn't wearing by her second martini. Dealing with customers became almost excruciating, and not just from boredom anymore. He couldn't help but try to avoid seating anybody where he'd first seen Sasuke the other night, the last seat at the bar further away from the lounge.
Right around closing, someone from the station called back like he'd asked them to if they could, since he was apparently Sasuke's 'closest childhood pal' now. The guy on the phone said that his 'friend' was in the hospital and that he'd been found safely. Naruto had been relieved, but still a little nauseated at the idea of what what could've gone down if he hadn't decided to slack off for a little while during his shift.
After he went home that night, he tried to sleep off the whole thing but he felt way too awake for 3:30 AM. He couldn't help but think to the future, about when he could maybe just... go see Sasuke, he guessed. It made sense, didn't it? The guy from the station said he'd been taken to UCSF. The fact that Sasuke had contacted him right before... whatever he had done, it was really eating him up inside, no matter how much he tried to think about something else, it was just there in his head. (There had to be a reason, didn't there?)
And so, he headed out that next morning before he could change his mind. Naruto had always been a little impulsive, anyway. But maybe it wasn't too much of a bad thing.
When he finally went inside, working up the courage a little to pass through the automatic doors, the place was huge. Naruto had only ever gone to Saint Francis as a kid when he broke his elbow skateboarding and had to get a splint put on, and once a few years ago when some bad sushi gave him some shaking fits. The place was so busy that it took Naruto a second to figure out what he was exactly doing.
He considered going back outside for another smoke, or taking another quick drive before coming back later; but then, that would basically be one step below pussying out, and he wasn't going to let himself do that. So, he walked over to the front desk and asked for Sasuke. The nurse was a lot friendlier than he would've expected. Apparently, Sasuke was in the psychiatric care center, and that wasn't even in this building. OK, so maybe there was a reason to pussy out now. Would he even want anyone to see him, in a place like that? Then there was the fact that they'd only met less than a week ago, didn't really know much of anything about each other, besides that they liked just messing around. Closest childhood pal - it really was a great lie.
(You were nice.)
Fuck.
He put his hands in his pockets. It was one of those 'it's now, or never!' moments you see all the time in movies, though far less cool. He walked over with the nurse towards the entrance to the next building adjacent to the main one, where psychiatric patients were kept.
::::::::
The doors closed shut with a small hum after Naruto got off of the elevator. Then, he was alone.
Even though it was probably too late to do anything about it, Naruto briefly wondered if he should've seriously brought a card or something to lift Sasuke's mood. You usually did that when you went to see people, right? (Or maybe it was when you couldn't go to see them?) All he had with him was a deck of cards to fool around with, and he felt lame for still seeming like a kid even though he made this valiant effort to really be an adult.
Then again, bringing a gift or a get-well greeting was actually kind of stupid. They weren't two queens enamored with each other and living together just yet, so roses and cards were too much - that actually brought kind of a smile to his face. And if he really thought about it, what good would anything like that do anyway, for someone who had just tried to end everything? It was true, he couldn't avoid it. The cards would probably be alright. He could only have hope.
Just ahead there was a small waiting area; and beyond that, there was a locked metal door. He had to show his visitor's badge and put a lot of his things in this little plastic tub: car keys, phone, wallet, pen, keychain. He walked with one of the nurses, waited for her to unlock the huge door with a keycard. It slammed shut behind them as they went on ahead towards the patient rooms.
Sasuke was 'receiving determination for release' the day after tomorrow - the nurse said something technical like that when he asked about it. Apparently people here were sent home just depending on what the doctor thought. If they felt better, they could go home in a few days. It still wracked Naruto's head that Sasuke was even here, had been here for at least two days.
Somehow things became a whole lot more real when he saw a guy in hospital gown being taken to a room nearby, not looking all too hot. After that the hall was empty, and pretty quiet... it was sort of eerie. Sad. When they got to room 423 and the nurse knocked twice before opening the door, Naruto was actually a little relived to go in. (Go figure.)
::::::::
He wasn't on suicide watch anymore, hadn't been for over a day, which was good. Definitely a good thing, sure.
But there was still way too much rattling around in Naruto's head. For a second, he wondered why the hell he was even here. Maybe it was dumb of him to show up. He had this really awkward sense of self-doubt wash over him that made it impossible to look at Sasuke when he first went in, like he was about to ask him to the prom or something and was having second thoughts. God...
Then, he finally remembered that he had come here for a reason - maybe to help him feel better, at least - and not to just stare at the ground like a child. He walked over and sat down in the visitor's chair closest to the bed.
A social worker was right outside the door and could probably hear everything they said, since it was left ajar. Apparently, they didn't really want Sasuke to be totally alone. It made things about fifty times harder, but Naruto forced himself to get over it. It helped that Sasuke was reading an issue of Psychology magazine, propped up in bed. He seemed pretty tired but into it. The whole thing was really ironic and just a little bit funny.
Maybe he should've...hugged him or something? But Naruto didn't think it was really appropriate to do that. So he taped his fingers against his knees, waiting for Sasuke to look up at him.
"So...how are you feeling?" Naruto asked. His own voice sounded foreign to him, and maybe he should've asked if it was really all right for him to be here right now. Sasuke flipped through four or five more pages before tossing the magazine down onto the bed. He still wouldn't even look at him! And Naruto had thought he was being bad earlier. He almost felt like a total idiot now; it seemed like he was being told in a sidelong way to get out -
Except then Sasuke was reaching out and leaning over, not really to look at him, but to pull him closer to the bed. At first it seemed like he had wanted to hold hands, but then it became obvious. Almost like a little kid too tired to use his voice when wanted something from his parents. He had this really distant and sort of foggy look in his eyes, and it made Naruto's stomach jump around a little.
He swallowed thickly. Got up and sat on the bed. It wasn't all that uncomfortable. Stupidly, he just said what he was thinking, maybe because there wasn't that much else to say. "Not all that uncomfortable - um, the bed I mean. I thought it'd be like a brick or something. That's how it used to be when I went to the hospital." That was true. He also thought about telling how badly Saint Francis was of a hospital and how he was pretty lucky to be able to go here instead, but it probably wouldn't have helped anyway.
"Ah," Sasuke managed. He stared at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Maybe he was regretting asking Naruto to sit with him. He probably noticed that the door was open, so maybe it was why he wasn't talking that much?
"You should put your legs up." Sasuke was pointing. Again, the little kid stuff. It was a huge change from what he had seen the other night, and the thought simultaneously made his stomach hurt and his heart beat unevenly. His legs were actually hanging off the mattress kind of awkwardly, he did have a point. Naruto put his legs up on the bed half-way, careful not to step on the magazine. The silence was uneven, interrupted by a couple noises down the hall and the sound of footsteps. Then, silence again.
"Well...you don't mind that I came by I guess, right?" Naruto managed to get it all out past this weird anxious lump in his throat. Sasuke just looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in the eyes since he first showed up. It was kind of unnerving but, the way his face seemed pretty peeked made him look more vulnerable than mad. And it wasn't actually a no.
"To be honest, I don't understand why you sent me the message. I can see why maybe you'd even be pissed off. And, maybe it wasn't even my right to be really worried like I was but - uh, not that I minded worrying, or anything like that, don't get me wrong." Ah, shit. He was pretty bad at doing all of this, whatever it was. But least he said what he felt.
Then, they didn't talk about anything for a little while. But twenty minutes went by too fast and he knew visiting hours would be over soon. It was evident that he really wasn't going to figure this whole thing out, but maybe he wasn't even meant to. Looking at the way Sasuke's face seemed like a sheet in the hospital lighting made him sad, and he wished he could touch him even more.
So Naruto finally said what he wanted to, probably, all along. It really made virtually no sense, and he was probably being an idiot for asking. But as usual, he said what he wanted to despite logic, anyway.
"After...after this whole thing is over would you - would you want to go out again sometime? I don't know, to just do something." Fuck, it was rushed and it sounded pretty close to moronic but at least he meant it. He really did, and it even kind of surprised himself - it would be different than the last time, too. Not just messing around from too much Everclear, just touching. It could be different. Maybe the idea would help him a little to try to get better.
Against all odds, Sasuke leaned back, cleared his throat. Now that Naruto listened, his voice seemed kind of strained. "Sure. I guess." So that was how things went between them, the social worker still on the outside of the door, neither of them fully caring if she heard. And it really was all that easy, on the surface.
:::::::::
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Naru/Sasu (main)
Genres: Drama, Romance, Slice of Life
Rated: M
Summary: Sasuke was a little bit damaged, and Naruto was a sucker for that. (AU, WIP)
A/N: Part 2 of...however many parts there will be, eventually. I'm pretty happy with how this has all panned out so far. Enjoy the delightfully awkward ending.
:::: 02 ::::
It really was something - dialing 911, trying to trace where someone who may or may not have just made a suicide attempt was using just a cell number, having to to talk to the operator and hoping not to sound like a pre-pubescent dork or a girl about to burst into tears, because your voice was seriously cracking that badly.
Quit the experience. Really.
It was definitely one of life's 'curveballs', one of those things that you never saw coming your way - a lot like his old high school physics teacher Kakashi used to say actually, right before he gave back term papers that could make or break your GPA with D minuses and F's to a lot of his students (including Naruto himself). Who ever knew his words would seriously carry any weight in his life... it was pretty much the most current definition of irony Naruto could think of.
He'd formulated a plan pretty quickly, without even asking for an opinion about it from any of his friends: Go to hospital at visiting hours; say hi, and definitely sorry for not calling, and mistaking their sort-of-relationship for just a one night stand when it obviously meant more than a one night stand (maybe); and avoid family at all costs if family was hanging around. But Naruto had doubts about that one, he could just tell. Sasuke didn't seem like the most sentimental guy, despite being awesome in the sack. But he at least hoped that his family would still care, anyway.
It was probable that Sasuke had seemed a little less distant because he'd had more than a few drinks - way more than that. He had this freaky tolerance to alcohol, but after the fifth shot he was literally just - putty, stumbling around a little even on his way out of the bar, though most guys would've been that way by their second considering how high the alcohol content had been in those cocktails. Naruto had been feeling good too, he had been all hands-y in the cab back, couldn't help but giggle and mess around like a kid, he was that eager/selfish/horny. In short, he wasn't really one to talk about being an asshole, seeing as he hadn't considered him much in the days they'd been apart besides about how much of a mind-blowing lay he'd been (and how awkward it would be to try to contact him to just mess around again, if he could recover his number).
But if he thought about it, Sasuke had flown out of there that morning and he hadn't called either. So was it really entirely his fault? Romantic interest, or at least a little lust, it was a two-way street. At least, that's how Naruto saw it. Until the essential death threat he got from him Tuesday, Naruto hadn't heard from Sasuke once despite having giving him his contact info. And now it made him feel awful, since he wished Sasuke would have tried to contact him again.
Maybe it was why he was here now. Naruto finished his cigarette. He took one last drag before flicking the butt into the grass and crossing the street from the hospital parking garage to get to the building's main entrance.
::::::::
As Naruto walked towards the entrance of the hospital, he couldn't help but think back to how this whole clusterfuck, for lack of a better word, started off. He wasn't really mad about it or anything, but it had really drained the life out of him. When he got that message at work (and re-read it about ten times gaping a little like an idiot, if he was being honest with himself), he'd done just about doing everything in his power not to have a something just short panic attack then and there. He never had anyone send him a message that made him want to jump out of skin so badly - was it serious, a joke? What the fuckity fuck? his brain had screamed. In the end, his gut told him that Sasuke probably wasn't kidding, and that he should call the police.
Manny was surprisingly understanding about the whole situation - but then, he really had no other choice but to be understanding about it, considering that someone had just texted his employee a sidelong suicide note. He gave him fifteen, which was a huge relief. There wasn't really a lot of time - the message was sent over 25 minutes before Naruto had picked up his phone, so who knew what was happening by then?
After making the call and managing to tell the operator everything he knew, he'd had no other option but to keep manning his post at the bar. But it was tough. His heart was still jumping around all over the place, and he felt a little sick. But what could he really do then? He would just have to wait to see if things would be OK. He'd slipped his phone in his pocket, since he just felt uneasy leaving it in the drawer beneath the counter where he kept his wallet. Only one other guy came in during his last hour, with a girl who looked a little worse for wear and kept complimenting him on a bowtie he wasn't wearing by her second martini. Dealing with customers became almost excruciating, and not just from boredom anymore. He couldn't help but try to avoid seating anybody where he'd first seen Sasuke the other night, the last seat at the bar further away from the lounge.
Right around closing, someone from the station called back like he'd asked them to if they could, since he was apparently Sasuke's 'closest childhood pal' now. The guy on the phone said that his 'friend' was in the hospital and that he'd been found safely. Naruto had been relieved, but still a little nauseated at the idea of what what could've gone down if he hadn't decided to slack off for a little while during his shift.
After he went home that night, he tried to sleep off the whole thing but he felt way too awake for 3:30 AM. He couldn't help but think to the future, about when he could maybe just... go see Sasuke, he guessed. It made sense, didn't it? The guy from the station said he'd been taken to UCSF. The fact that Sasuke had contacted him right before... whatever he had done, it was really eating him up inside, no matter how much he tried to think about something else, it was just there in his head. (There had to be a reason, didn't there?)
And so, he headed out that next morning before he could change his mind. Naruto had always been a little impulsive, anyway. But maybe it wasn't too much of a bad thing.
When he finally went inside, working up the courage a little to pass through the automatic doors, the place was huge. Naruto had only ever gone to Saint Francis as a kid when he broke his elbow skateboarding and had to get a splint put on, and once a few years ago when some bad sushi gave him some shaking fits. The place was so busy that it took Naruto a second to figure out what he was exactly doing.
He considered going back outside for another smoke, or taking another quick drive before coming back later; but then, that would basically be one step below pussying out, and he wasn't going to let himself do that. So, he walked over to the front desk and asked for Sasuke. The nurse was a lot friendlier than he would've expected. Apparently, Sasuke was in the psychiatric care center, and that wasn't even in this building. OK, so maybe there was a reason to pussy out now. Would he even want anyone to see him, in a place like that? Then there was the fact that they'd only met less than a week ago, didn't really know much of anything about each other, besides that they liked just messing around. Closest childhood pal - it really was a great lie.
(You were nice.)
Fuck.
He put his hands in his pockets. It was one of those 'it's now, or never!' moments you see all the time in movies, though far less cool. He walked over with the nurse towards the entrance to the next building adjacent to the main one, where psychiatric patients were kept.
::::::::
The doors closed shut with a small hum after Naruto got off of the elevator. Then, he was alone.
Even though it was probably too late to do anything about it, Naruto briefly wondered if he should've seriously brought a card or something to lift Sasuke's mood. You usually did that when you went to see people, right? (Or maybe it was when you couldn't go to see them?) All he had with him was a deck of cards to fool around with, and he felt lame for still seeming like a kid even though he made this valiant effort to really be an adult.
Then again, bringing a gift or a get-well greeting was actually kind of stupid. They weren't two queens enamored with each other and living together just yet, so roses and cards were too much - that actually brought kind of a smile to his face. And if he really thought about it, what good would anything like that do anyway, for someone who had just tried to end everything? It was true, he couldn't avoid it. The cards would probably be alright. He could only have hope.
Just ahead there was a small waiting area; and beyond that, there was a locked metal door. He had to show his visitor's badge and put a lot of his things in this little plastic tub: car keys, phone, wallet, pen, keychain. He walked with one of the nurses, waited for her to unlock the huge door with a keycard. It slammed shut behind them as they went on ahead towards the patient rooms.
Sasuke was 'receiving determination for release' the day after tomorrow - the nurse said something technical like that when he asked about it. Apparently people here were sent home just depending on what the doctor thought. If they felt better, they could go home in a few days. It still wracked Naruto's head that Sasuke was even here, had been here for at least two days.
Somehow things became a whole lot more real when he saw a guy in hospital gown being taken to a room nearby, not looking all too hot. After that the hall was empty, and pretty quiet... it was sort of eerie. Sad. When they got to room 423 and the nurse knocked twice before opening the door, Naruto was actually a little relived to go in. (Go figure.)
::::::::
He wasn't on suicide watch anymore, hadn't been for over a day, which was good. Definitely a good thing, sure.
But there was still way too much rattling around in Naruto's head. For a second, he wondered why the hell he was even here. Maybe it was dumb of him to show up. He had this really awkward sense of self-doubt wash over him that made it impossible to look at Sasuke when he first went in, like he was about to ask him to the prom or something and was having second thoughts. God...
Then, he finally remembered that he had come here for a reason - maybe to help him feel better, at least - and not to just stare at the ground like a child. He walked over and sat down in the visitor's chair closest to the bed.
A social worker was right outside the door and could probably hear everything they said, since it was left ajar. Apparently, they didn't really want Sasuke to be totally alone. It made things about fifty times harder, but Naruto forced himself to get over it. It helped that Sasuke was reading an issue of Psychology magazine, propped up in bed. He seemed pretty tired but into it. The whole thing was really ironic and just a little bit funny.
Maybe he should've...hugged him or something? But Naruto didn't think it was really appropriate to do that. So he taped his fingers against his knees, waiting for Sasuke to look up at him.
"So...how are you feeling?" Naruto asked. His own voice sounded foreign to him, and maybe he should've asked if it was really all right for him to be here right now. Sasuke flipped through four or five more pages before tossing the magazine down onto the bed. He still wouldn't even look at him! And Naruto had thought he was being bad earlier. He almost felt like a total idiot now; it seemed like he was being told in a sidelong way to get out -
Except then Sasuke was reaching out and leaning over, not really to look at him, but to pull him closer to the bed. At first it seemed like he had wanted to hold hands, but then it became obvious. Almost like a little kid too tired to use his voice when wanted something from his parents. He had this really distant and sort of foggy look in his eyes, and it made Naruto's stomach jump around a little.
He swallowed thickly. Got up and sat on the bed. It wasn't all that uncomfortable. Stupidly, he just said what he was thinking, maybe because there wasn't that much else to say. "Not all that uncomfortable - um, the bed I mean. I thought it'd be like a brick or something. That's how it used to be when I went to the hospital." That was true. He also thought about telling how badly Saint Francis was of a hospital and how he was pretty lucky to be able to go here instead, but it probably wouldn't have helped anyway.
"Ah," Sasuke managed. He stared at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Maybe he was regretting asking Naruto to sit with him. He probably noticed that the door was open, so maybe it was why he wasn't talking that much?
"You should put your legs up." Sasuke was pointing. Again, the little kid stuff. It was a huge change from what he had seen the other night, and the thought simultaneously made his stomach hurt and his heart beat unevenly. His legs were actually hanging off the mattress kind of awkwardly, he did have a point. Naruto put his legs up on the bed half-way, careful not to step on the magazine. The silence was uneven, interrupted by a couple noises down the hall and the sound of footsteps. Then, silence again.
"Well...you don't mind that I came by I guess, right?" Naruto managed to get it all out past this weird anxious lump in his throat. Sasuke just looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in the eyes since he first showed up. It was kind of unnerving but, the way his face seemed pretty peeked made him look more vulnerable than mad. And it wasn't actually a no.
"To be honest, I don't understand why you sent me the message. I can see why maybe you'd even be pissed off. And, maybe it wasn't even my right to be really worried like I was but - uh, not that I minded worrying, or anything like that, don't get me wrong." Ah, shit. He was pretty bad at doing all of this, whatever it was. But least he said what he felt.
Then, they didn't talk about anything for a little while. But twenty minutes went by too fast and he knew visiting hours would be over soon. It was evident that he really wasn't going to figure this whole thing out, but maybe he wasn't even meant to. Looking at the way Sasuke's face seemed like a sheet in the hospital lighting made him sad, and he wished he could touch him even more.
So Naruto finally said what he wanted to, probably, all along. It really made virtually no sense, and he was probably being an idiot for asking. But as usual, he said what he wanted to despite logic, anyway.
"After...after this whole thing is over would you - would you want to go out again sometime? I don't know, to just do something." Fuck, it was rushed and it sounded pretty close to moronic but at least he meant it. He really did, and it even kind of surprised himself - it would be different than the last time, too. Not just messing around from too much Everclear, just touching. It could be different. Maybe the idea would help him a little to try to get better.
Against all odds, Sasuke leaned back, cleared his throat. Now that Naruto listened, his voice seemed kind of strained. "Sure. I guess." So that was how things went between them, the social worker still on the outside of the door, neither of them fully caring if she heard. And it really was all that easy, on the surface.
:::::::::