Entries. If you missed my long long entry about Kelly, ask me for it here.

May 11, 2005 05:34

I don't know how many people have noticed this, but a lot of the time, the entries that I write are superfluous, and the actual meaning is hidden in plain sight. I'm going to guess that no one has, but that's okay. This journal was more for me than anyone else, as backwards as that sounds if you've ever talked to me about what I post (regarding who will think what and whatnot). I know that's the point but I've always had trouble making myself vulnerable. Ironically that's one of my weaknesses.

Weaknesses, I could write a paragraph on that!
I have found a few of my weaknesses, and I've tried to work on them, but I found that that's way too much trouble (weakness: laziness). So I've resigned to at least be aware of my weaknesses. Actually, there's one person in particular that helped me realize this (good for being a heads up*1, if nothing else). I believe that the list of my weaknesses is currently standing at around 6 or 7 things. I've actually been working on a few of them though.

Completely different subject:
*reads AIM conversation*
It's not about age. It's about maturity. I don't mind having a conversation with a 14 year-old as long as it's intelligent conversation. What I dislike about Kelly is that she won't heed good advice. Keep in mind that I'm not just tooting my own horn, she's said to me stuff like "why didn't I just take your advice" and my mental reply is you DIDN'T?!! What is wrong with you?! Because mostly I told her common sense. For example:
Kelly: _______ keeps getting me alone and raping me. I have to go to a party with him this week.
Me: Surround yourself with people, better yet, tell one person, say your brother (big, muscular guy) that they are not allowed to leave your side, and tell them what the consequences could be.
[a few days pass]
Kelly: _______ raped me again, at the party.

Kelly: ... And it was ______ who punched me and broke my ribs and made me cough up blood.
me: !!! Tell adults! And you'd better stay the hell away from him starting NOW!
(sounds almost as bad as _______, doesn't it?)
[later]
Kelly: I tried to talk to him today and he hit me again.

You see what I mean? These are real examples of advice that I have given her and consequences of her actions. I believe that there's no one that can accuse me of giving bad advice on these accounts. I just can't stand that I have no possible way of stopping these terrible events.

Bottom line: I can't stand Kelly. Not because she's always trying to talk to me. Not because she doesn't listen to me. Not because she seems to lack any common sense at all. Because she doesn't understand that she can change things. Her life doesn't have to be one huge trauma after another. She can live normally if she would only choose to get some help. Someone who can observe her and do something about what's going on with her. Yes, ceasing contact is the easy way out, but I am not emotionally capable of feeling so helpless and concerned at the same time.

That's about all I have to say at 5:30 in the morning. That and I'm kinda disappointed that more people haven't commented in my journal recently.

*1 = has a double meaning
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