August (again)
Having just read the entry for August last year I think I'll leave that as the main statement for this month in Edinburgh.
Of course there are always tweaks, little things to twist the knife a little deeper before breaking it off in the wound.
THIS year we have the added delight of TWO performances of The Tattoo right overhead on FRIDAY, as well as Saturday. Added to which, eternal chancer and selfish, evil bitch, our former tory MSP (she of TWO surgeries in her entire tenure) has been added to the Tattoo Board. She and Bastard Buster (English, ex-military, runs the Tattoo) want to have YEAR ROUND events, not just August. The council persists in underwriting this and signing-off on ANY breach of noise/light pollution/safety regulations.
Edinburgh is more corrupt than Naples.
---
In four days it's my birthday. I never enjoy my birthdays because I have nothing to celebrate; it just represents another year where, regardless of what I have done to counter it, the misfortune just keeps piling up. And, once again, I am pretty ill, physically as well as emotionally. Another rotten cold that's heavy on the coughing, leading to very interrupted sleep. And my body temp is doing the rollercoaster special. Up, down, spin around.
August HATES me.
The feeling has become ever so mutual. As a child it was my favourite month, more so than December. Even with the hay-fever; I just loved it so much - the days couldn't be long enough. I spent three, maybe four of those Augusts in Scotland; cementing my desire to live here early on. As an adult it has come to represent what I have lost and indeed, what I never had; merely imagined I did. My trust mis-spent on those who saw me for what they could get, not who I was.
The hammer that knocks the nail in, is that this birthday is the officially "Old" one. I have felt very lonely and frustrated these past few years and now, with this horrible marker about to pass I genuinely can't see it doing anything but getting worse. Always over-looked, never looked-over. Whoop. Ee.
I ..am awfully tired of this life.
Of course there are always tweaks, little things to twist the knife a little deeper before breaking it off in the wound.
THIS year we have the added delight of TWO performances of The Tattoo right overhead on FRIDAY, as well as Saturday. Added to which, eternal chancer and selfish, evil bitch, our former tory MSP (she of TWO surgeries in her entire tenure) has been added to the Tattoo Board. She and Bastard Buster (English, ex-military, runs the Tattoo) want to have YEAR ROUND events, not just August. The council persists in underwriting this and signing-off on ANY breach of noise/light pollution/safety regulations.
Edinburgh is more corrupt than Naples.
---
In four days it's my birthday. I never enjoy my birthdays because I have nothing to celebrate; it just represents another year where, regardless of what I have done to counter it, the misfortune just keeps piling up. And, once again, I am pretty ill, physically as well as emotionally. Another rotten cold that's heavy on the coughing, leading to very interrupted sleep. And my body temp is doing the rollercoaster special. Up, down, spin around.
August HATES me.
The feeling has become ever so mutual. As a child it was my favourite month, more so than December. Even with the hay-fever; I just loved it so much - the days couldn't be long enough. I spent three, maybe four of those Augusts in Scotland; cementing my desire to live here early on. As an adult it has come to represent what I have lost and indeed, what I never had; merely imagined I did. My trust mis-spent on those who saw me for what they could get, not who I was.
The hammer that knocks the nail in, is that this birthday is the officially "Old" one. I have felt very lonely and frustrated these past few years and now, with this horrible marker about to pass I genuinely can't see it doing anything but getting worse. Always over-looked, never looked-over. Whoop. Ee.
I ..am awfully tired of this life.
