HP fic: D.O.C.T.O.R. (Part 1/2) for Xnuinx
This was meant to be a birthday drabble for
xnuinx . Who wanted either Sirius/Severus or Sirius/Remus, comedy, and using the prompt Doctor. So...er...as usual this has spiralled out of control (which means two parts because I really need to sleep tonight - hopefully I'll post part two tomorrow night).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
xnuinx !! Hope you have a great day!! And hope this isn't too bad.
*whispers* Look, ma, I'm writing...crap, admittedly, but it's writing.
Title: D.O.C.T.O.R. (Part 1/2)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author:
rospberry
Characters/Pairing: Sirius/Severus and featuring Remus and Moody
Rating: R (in the second part, hopefully) PG for this bit, NC-17 for part 2 *grin*
Summary: Sirius needs medical attention and reluctantly turns to Snape. (Sirius/Snape SLASH)
Author's Notes: Unbeta'd (boy, is it unbetad). Checked over by the fab
amightypenguin. Rude.
Doctor
"Unlike you, Black, I don't have all day." Snape stroked a finger over the edge of a shelf, inspecting Molly Weasley's cleaning skills. "Would you care to explain why I was called here?"
Sirius wasn't sure whether to be irritated or relieved that the Potions Master wasn't looking at him. His fingers scratched at the top of his thigh as he answered, "I have a bit of a problem."
"Indeed. I agree, you have many problems," Snape said, "but I fail to see why that self-revelation requires my presence." A crevice of the carved mantelpiece yielded a speck of dirt and he stared at it reproachfully before wiping his finger on his robes.
"You have potions."
"Again, correct. But I still fail to see…"
"Look," Sirius snapped, "I'm stuck here, hiding, in this bloody house. I can't go out. I can't go to St. Mungo's. I can't call for a Mediwizard. As much as it pains me to admit, the only person that can help me is you."
Snape looked at him then. "Ah, a medical condition. Well, if I am to aid you, I do require to know the specifics."
"Azkaban isn't the cleanest of places," Sirius answered evasively, dropping his gaze to his fidgeting fingers.
"I am aware of that. I take it then, that this is something you picked up there?"
"Yes."
Snape sighed. "This is growing tiresome. I have neither the time nor the inclination to play guessing games with you, Black. Either you tell me what the problem is or I return to Hogwarts."
Sirius lifted his eyes and met Snape's stare. "I have lice."
"You have an infestation of lice?" Snape looked almost disappointed at the revelation.
A nod.
"For Merlin's sake, Black, you are behaving like a child. I have a simple shampoo that will…"
"They aren't in my hair."
Snape's eyes dropped to Sirius's groin, and he didn't hide the malicious twist of his lips.
Odious
The ointment was bright green and smelled like fungus, a particularly cloying and rampant fungus. Sirius wrinkled his nose and stuck his fingers reluctantly into the pot.
It felt even worse than it looked: slimy and cold to the touch. Probably like Snape, Sirius thought. Not that he thought about what Snape felt like.
'Apply liberally to the affected area' was written in neat script on the label, and Sirius gave his gunk-laden fingers one final look of distaste before dropping his hand and streaking it on his skin.
It wasn't as bad as he thought. It was almost… pleasant.
Concerns
"Moony, it's shrinking." Sirius's voice was muffled. He had his trousers undone, and his fingers on the elastic waist of his pants, pulling them away from his body so he could peer inside.
"Don't be an idiot." Remus barely spared him a glance. "And put that away; one of the children could come in."
"But it's getting smaller," Sirius insisted, letting the elastic ping back. He pulled up his zip as he walked over to the couch.
"Is that even possible?"
"Not funny." He thumped down on the seat beside Remus, who looked at him seriously.
"Why would Severus want to make you smaller?"
"Jealousy?"
Remus rolled his eyes and returned to his book.
(onto part two...)
xnuinx . Who wanted either Sirius/Severus or Sirius/Remus, comedy, and using the prompt Doctor. So...er...as usual this has spiralled out of control (which means two parts because I really need to sleep tonight - hopefully I'll post part two tomorrow night).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
xnuinx !! Hope you have a great day!! And hope this isn't too bad.
*whispers* Look, ma, I'm writing...crap, admittedly, but it's writing.
Title: D.O.C.T.O.R. (Part 1/2)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author:
rospberry
Characters/Pairing: Sirius/Severus and featuring Remus and Moody
Rating: R (in the second part, hopefully) PG for this bit, NC-17 for part 2 *grin*
Summary: Sirius needs medical attention and reluctantly turns to Snape. (Sirius/Snape SLASH)
Author's Notes: Unbeta'd (boy, is it unbetad). Checked over by the fab
amightypenguin. Rude.
Doctor
"Unlike you, Black, I don't have all day." Snape stroked a finger over the edge of a shelf, inspecting Molly Weasley's cleaning skills. "Would you care to explain why I was called here?"
Sirius wasn't sure whether to be irritated or relieved that the Potions Master wasn't looking at him. His fingers scratched at the top of his thigh as he answered, "I have a bit of a problem."
"Indeed. I agree, you have many problems," Snape said, "but I fail to see why that self-revelation requires my presence." A crevice of the carved mantelpiece yielded a speck of dirt and he stared at it reproachfully before wiping his finger on his robes.
"You have potions."
"Again, correct. But I still fail to see…"
"Look," Sirius snapped, "I'm stuck here, hiding, in this bloody house. I can't go out. I can't go to St. Mungo's. I can't call for a Mediwizard. As much as it pains me to admit, the only person that can help me is you."
Snape looked at him then. "Ah, a medical condition. Well, if I am to aid you, I do require to know the specifics."
"Azkaban isn't the cleanest of places," Sirius answered evasively, dropping his gaze to his fidgeting fingers.
"I am aware of that. I take it then, that this is something you picked up there?"
"Yes."
Snape sighed. "This is growing tiresome. I have neither the time nor the inclination to play guessing games with you, Black. Either you tell me what the problem is or I return to Hogwarts."
Sirius lifted his eyes and met Snape's stare. "I have lice."
"You have an infestation of lice?" Snape looked almost disappointed at the revelation.
A nod.
"For Merlin's sake, Black, you are behaving like a child. I have a simple shampoo that will…"
"They aren't in my hair."
Snape's eyes dropped to Sirius's groin, and he didn't hide the malicious twist of his lips.
Odious
The ointment was bright green and smelled like fungus, a particularly cloying and rampant fungus. Sirius wrinkled his nose and stuck his fingers reluctantly into the pot.
It felt even worse than it looked: slimy and cold to the touch. Probably like Snape, Sirius thought. Not that he thought about what Snape felt like.
'Apply liberally to the affected area' was written in neat script on the label, and Sirius gave his gunk-laden fingers one final look of distaste before dropping his hand and streaking it on his skin.
It wasn't as bad as he thought. It was almost… pleasant.
Concerns
"Moony, it's shrinking." Sirius's voice was muffled. He had his trousers undone, and his fingers on the elastic waist of his pants, pulling them away from his body so he could peer inside.
"Don't be an idiot." Remus barely spared him a glance. "And put that away; one of the children could come in."
"But it's getting smaller," Sirius insisted, letting the elastic ping back. He pulled up his zip as he walked over to the couch.
"Is that even possible?"
"Not funny." He thumped down on the seat beside Remus, who looked at him seriously.
"Why would Severus want to make you smaller?"
"Jealousy?"
Remus rolled his eyes and returned to his book.
(onto part two...)