things and stuff

[rosiexriveter]

hello. hope you are all lovely. i've been in this sort of weird actually-hang-out-with-other-people mode the past couple of days. this little hermit lady feels like she is going to explode! i do enjoy other people's company very much, and am happy that the oppurtunity presented itself. i think i am just waaay too guilty of caring too much what

Comments

stuff and things

[silentscavenger]

The way I see it, to concern yourself too much of others opinions is an excuse only to judge yourself. There is no way you could ever know exactly what someone else is thinking, and therefore when you find yourself in a social setting, wondering what negative things the other person is thinking or judging you on, you are only opening a pandora's box of possibile negative self-reflection. Conversely, people also have problems sometimes of constantly thinking people percieve nothing but fantastic things about them, thereby deifying themselves privately even when they are acting like complete asses, and not knowing when to stop. What I have come to learn as an actor, and co-inhabitant with Becca on her bar scene, is with my own social anxiety I find the most comfortable thing to do is adopt a form of Social Nihilism; that is while I catch myself thinking of these possible negative perceptions of other people, I remind myself that tyring to imagine what they are thinking is pointless. There is no possibility, whatsoever, for an objective basis of truth. Commonly, that allows me to just simply be "me" a little easier, and what I find is an ability to attract likeminded people and deter those of which I may not particularly enjoy being around. I also understand why you might get stressed regarding the banterous back-and-forth on Jammy J's journal, but again, I wouldn't want you to take responsibility.

To take a heavy responsibility of the particular issue being present in the first place shouldn't be so negative either. To inspire such debate is the foundation on which our country was built. Sadly, it is the inability of people to voice opinions that maintains a certain shroud of ignorance in our nation. I would be proud to inspire honest, thoughtworthy debate even if it was over something so simple as go-bots vs. transformers.

You also mentioned sensitivity.
Sensitivity makes strange bedfellows because it is the key behind goodwill, as is it the scourge of an unforgiving mind. What you become sensitive to is your choice, although motivated by both conscious and sub-conscious efforts. To "give a shit" shouldn't be a crime. It's how much energy you put into what might be a lost cause that "giving a shit" may bite you on the ass should you let it. for instance, -
You are sensitive to the fact that our political system is in relative shambles, Bush is going to try and get re-elected; you feel inspired to do what you can to make sure he doesn't. Your sensitivity is in worthwhile check and you should follow through with your heart and mind as they lead you into discovering a better way for you, and your loved ones. This is good sensitivity.
But there is also the scenario where a customer comes into your store and treats you rather coldly, without reason, thereby setting off a natural instinct to be effected. This sensitivity is natural, but should you allow it to fester by feeding it too much, it can ruin your day or week, or whatever, so long as you maintain the fuel to the fire.
You have the heart of a champion, but in your eyes it belongs to a tiny woodland squirrel, so frail.
You also worte this-
"i hope my terrible social skills don't show too bad. perhaps i should just not talk. but then i will be viewed as snobby or mean."
You are at this moment planting a seed that will grow at the exact moment a silence or lull may be found in the conversation. You have already made up your mind that any silence you may be contributing will immediately be judged as "snobby or mean". This is without any merit, as described before, because there is NO WAY you can tell what other people are thinking. I have played the role of sooper silent man many times, as have I seen it played out by others in a plethora of situations. This doesnt mean I judge myself or these people as socially inept. More importantly, if someone can't respect you for your choice not to jump into a role of conversation and/or entertainment, then you dont need thier respect in the first place.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I ache when I see you like this. You deserve to treat yourself better.
You, Kelly, are a bonafide rock star through and through.
Remember that.

Re: stuff and things

[rosiexriveter]

tanks mattachu. i like your happy long replies. i don't know what to add to all dis, so i won't attempt it. but much love to you, and thank you for caring!