(no subject)
I'm just hoping that crappy hotel internet will survive long enough for me to make this post. I had an epiphany and I want to share!
Today was a lot of fun. I got to see my cousin after a year or so. He's a derp and I love him. I also got to see my friend Matt whom I haven't since October. I also met Jessica, a very nice lesbian girl who seemed to like me. A lot. Buh-huh-huh-hm, moving on~ I drove everyone around town and we all nerded it up like woah. Nolan and I especially nerded it up when I went to see Iron Man 2 for the second time since none of them had seen it yet. Surprisingly, I think I enjoyed it more the second time because I wasn't dead tired from a six hour drive and constantly dozing off during the quiet scenes. Which there aren't a lot of, I noticed the second time around.
By the time we ate and saw a movie, I had to take everyone home. That's where things took a turn for the worse. Before I go too far into this, let me explain a little. Some of you may know of my most recent ex-boyfriend, Josh. What a lot of you don't know is he was the first boyfriend I ever genuinely cared about. The first two boyfriends were just guys I got pressured into dating, honestly, and realized I had no feelings for once we did start dating. Needless to say, both relationships ended in disaster.
Josh was different though. He was charming and treated me like the "princess" he affectionately called me. About three months into us dating, however, he just seemed to stop caring overnight. He never IMed me anymore, never called, and never made an attempt at any form of contact. I think we went... five days without talking before I finally said something. This started the slippery slope to our eventual break-up. I would call him, IM him, and do everything I could just to talk to him. I realized this was ridiculous after about two weeks because he was my boyfriend. He should have been doing everything in his power to make sure I felt special like in the beginning but wasn't. So, I ended it on December 23rd. Why do I remember this? Because the next day, he ruined my Christmas Eve by saying he never cared (which was, of course, after he'd pretended to not know who I was too) and that I was nothing to him. I blocked him from everything except my phone.
Once my cousin was sure I was over it and okay with the break-up, he told me what everyone else didn't want to when I started dating Josh. Josh was is a horrible manwhore. He apparently had at least five other online girlfriends while dating me and was fucking some other girl that actually lived there while we were dating. He also wanted to have sex with me too but when I made it clear I'd cut of his man bits if he even tried during my visit, he thought better. So, I'm obviously very glad I got him out of my life. Now, let's go to today again. While I was driving my cousin home, surprise surprise; Josh calls. I didn't answer just like I haven't answered his texts for the past six months. He left a message though which I did listen to. It was him inviting me to hang out at the river tonight. In the background, I heard a girl (who I can only assume is his new fling) giggling and say "It'll be so funny if she actually comes." He obviously didn't think I could hear her but I did.
Instead of getting mad though, you know what? I laughed. I laughed because of how pathetic Josh is. He made me feel like shit at first but now? Now, he's given me a confidence boost. Unlike Josh, when I meet a person who will genuinely care about me, I can appreciate them like he can't. Whereas I'll find someone who will love me and treat me right and be able to keep that person in my life, Josh never will. He's probably going to die old and alone which is exactly what he's terrified of. How sad. At least when I do want to fall in love and settle, I'll be able to.
You know what else? Josh said I was way out of his league and that's why he broke up with me. Now, I hate when guys say that because, really, I'm not. I'm a shy, self-conscious, quiet, awkward, nerdy little thing. Yeah, I come from a good family and have been spoiled a little. Big deal, it's not like I look down on people who didn't have my lifestyle. After learning what Josh and probably a million other guys are actually like though? Hell yes, I'm out of that boy's league. I'm fucking amazing and he has no idea what he lost. I don't think he ever will. To him, I'll be just another girl he used and abused. To someone else though, I'll be their world and they'll be mine and Josh will never have that. So, guess what, Josh. You may laugh now, but someday I hope you realize what a jerk you were to me or some other poor girl you stomped on and how great we were to you and how you didn't deserve it. I also hope that, someday, you'll realize what you've lost when someone does love me or some other amazing girl you dated and how easily that could be you if you'd just treat a girl right for once in your life. I know you won't though and that's what's so sad about it all.
I feel so damn good about myself now that I almost can't believe it. I'm so glad I took this trip.
Today was a lot of fun. I got to see my cousin after a year or so. He's a derp and I love him. I also got to see my friend Matt whom I haven't since October. I also met Jessica, a very nice lesbian girl who seemed to like me. A lot. Buh-huh-huh-hm, moving on~ I drove everyone around town and we all nerded it up like woah. Nolan and I especially nerded it up when I went to see Iron Man 2 for the second time since none of them had seen it yet. Surprisingly, I think I enjoyed it more the second time because I wasn't dead tired from a six hour drive and constantly dozing off during the quiet scenes. Which there aren't a lot of, I noticed the second time around.
By the time we ate and saw a movie, I had to take everyone home. That's where things took a turn for the worse. Before I go too far into this, let me explain a little. Some of you may know of my most recent ex-boyfriend, Josh. What a lot of you don't know is he was the first boyfriend I ever genuinely cared about. The first two boyfriends were just guys I got pressured into dating, honestly, and realized I had no feelings for once we did start dating. Needless to say, both relationships ended in disaster.
Josh was different though. He was charming and treated me like the "princess" he affectionately called me. About three months into us dating, however, he just seemed to stop caring overnight. He never IMed me anymore, never called, and never made an attempt at any form of contact. I think we went... five days without talking before I finally said something. This started the slippery slope to our eventual break-up. I would call him, IM him, and do everything I could just to talk to him. I realized this was ridiculous after about two weeks because he was my boyfriend. He should have been doing everything in his power to make sure I felt special like in the beginning but wasn't. So, I ended it on December 23rd. Why do I remember this? Because the next day, he ruined my Christmas Eve by saying he never cared (which was, of course, after he'd pretended to not know who I was too) and that I was nothing to him. I blocked him from everything except my phone.
Once my cousin was sure I was over it and okay with the break-up, he told me what everyone else didn't want to when I started dating Josh. Josh was is a horrible manwhore. He apparently had at least five other online girlfriends while dating me and was fucking some other girl that actually lived there while we were dating. He also wanted to have sex with me too but when I made it clear I'd cut of his man bits if he even tried during my visit, he thought better. So, I'm obviously very glad I got him out of my life. Now, let's go to today again. While I was driving my cousin home, surprise surprise; Josh calls. I didn't answer just like I haven't answered his texts for the past six months. He left a message though which I did listen to. It was him inviting me to hang out at the river tonight. In the background, I heard a girl (who I can only assume is his new fling) giggling and say "It'll be so funny if she actually comes." He obviously didn't think I could hear her but I did.
Instead of getting mad though, you know what? I laughed. I laughed because of how pathetic Josh is. He made me feel like shit at first but now? Now, he's given me a confidence boost. Unlike Josh, when I meet a person who will genuinely care about me, I can appreciate them like he can't. Whereas I'll find someone who will love me and treat me right and be able to keep that person in my life, Josh never will. He's probably going to die old and alone which is exactly what he's terrified of. How sad. At least when I do want to fall in love and settle, I'll be able to.
You know what else? Josh said I was way out of his league and that's why he broke up with me. Now, I hate when guys say that because, really, I'm not. I'm a shy, self-conscious, quiet, awkward, nerdy little thing. Yeah, I come from a good family and have been spoiled a little. Big deal, it's not like I look down on people who didn't have my lifestyle. After learning what Josh and probably a million other guys are actually like though? Hell yes, I'm out of that boy's league. I'm fucking amazing and he has no idea what he lost. I don't think he ever will. To him, I'll be just another girl he used and abused. To someone else though, I'll be their world and they'll be mine and Josh will never have that. So, guess what, Josh. You may laugh now, but someday I hope you realize what a jerk you were to me or some other poor girl you stomped on and how great we were to you and how you didn't deserve it. I also hope that, someday, you'll realize what you've lost when someone does love me or some other amazing girl you dated and how easily that could be you if you'd just treat a girl right for once in your life. I know you won't though and that's what's so sad about it all.
I feel so damn good about myself now that I almost can't believe it. I'm so glad I took this trip.