Thoughts
It's so dark. It got so dark so fast. As I'm typing this, my eyes hurt a bit from the glare of the computer screen, contrasted with the darkness in the room. (I've neglected to turn the lights on just yet. When I sat down, I could see just fine!)
Sigh. I'm back to listening to Eckhart Tolle again in the car. I really needed it. It's become like a form of meditation to me. I can't shut off my own mind, but sometimes I can substitute my thoughts for his. Since, he's an enlightened guy, his thoughts are much more relaxing. Seriously, I can feel myself start to breathe deeper as I continue listening to him.
I find it hard to make the Eckart Tolle concept work in my world. Perhaps that means I'm still too enmeshed in my ego. I feel like Eckhart's world would have me a lot more relaxed. Which. . . would be fantastic! And I think would be very hard for me in my job. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be a teacher. There are many things I still don't have a grasp on and feel I never will have a grasp on. There are other things that I think I could do, but I would have to really change myself or spend hours more on work than I already am. I can't do that. I won't do that. But I am too crazy with aspects of my job. And I don't want to destroy my body because of my work.
Work. Per example, all I can do during the school day is work. During my break -- I'm working (checking in homework, conferencing with someone about a student/discussing the day with someone), prepping for an activity. During lunch -- I'm working. Sure, I eat a bit. But I can't make myself sit down and JUST EAT. I have to be doing at least 3 other things during lunch. It's messed up. I know it.
Eckhart Tolle is also very difficult during softball. I think I would be a lot happier person (again) if I could apply his teachings to softball. Then, I wouldn't be so fricken' pissed every time we lost. I wouldn't be so upset when I did badly. I would just enjoy the game. I'm afraid I wouldn't try as hard. Maybe I should put it to test tonight at my NINE THIRTY GAME. Yeesh. Who invented the 9:30 game? Just brutal.
Ok, seriously. Can't see the keys anymore. This is fine for most of my typing, but it gets difficult when I have to type numbers and such. I never learned the numbers when I did typing exercises. Don't you hate that? There's something you missed or didn't get in school, and it keeps coming back to bite you?
**Had to go turn on the lights. I don't know how to type the asterisks.**
So, it's like how in Spanish I never quite figured out how to work direct and indirect objects. Now, in conversation, I keep trying to circumvent the whole thing by changing my sentence completely around or substituting the actual name of the object. I keep meaning to look that up in one of my old high school or college textbooks. What would be really useful is to talk with my amigas in Spanish and have them correct me.
And back to education. Sometimes. Sometimes, I get tired of starting over year after year. I don't like the idea of teaching middle school and high school, but it would be nice to begin the year with my students being able to make paragraphs. And being able to make sentences correctly. And not puting and this and that and this and the other thing AND 500 other ands. And if they were like "We didn't learn that last year", I could be like "YES YOU DID. I WAS THERE!" That would be fun. Better than thinking to myself, "Didn't I teach you this already? Oh yeah. . . that was last year. :-("
Random thoughts: WHY OH WHY did it suddenly get so cold? Cold and dark all at the same time. Brutal. I thought I was ready for some cooler weather. But having to throw on the medium coat (thank goodness not the heavy one yet) was not cool. And it was not fun taking my students out the busline without a jacket because I'd forgotten it was 40 something degrees out.
What the heck is with the wedding dress/bridesmaid dress and fitting into dresses thing? As a bridesmaid, they gave us WAY too much extra material, which hopefully the tailor made some good use of. Whereas brides are always killing themselves to fit into their dresses. Which, by the way, seems particularly ridiculous to me. Brides should be given TONS of extra material. Because. . . brides put themselves under a ridiculously huge amount of stress. What do we do when we're stressed? Eat lots of chocolate/cookies and drink lots of alcohol. So, of course brides are going to get fat. We should just accept this and give brides the extra material needed. If brides don't want to get fat, they should get a wedding planner. Or elope. Anyway, it's the bride's day. Brides should not be so stressed when it's supposed to be the best day of her life. I'm just not going to get married. :-P ;-)
I think that's about it for now. In the plans: posting more often.
Sigh. I'm back to listening to Eckhart Tolle again in the car. I really needed it. It's become like a form of meditation to me. I can't shut off my own mind, but sometimes I can substitute my thoughts for his. Since, he's an enlightened guy, his thoughts are much more relaxing. Seriously, I can feel myself start to breathe deeper as I continue listening to him.
I find it hard to make the Eckart Tolle concept work in my world. Perhaps that means I'm still too enmeshed in my ego. I feel like Eckhart's world would have me a lot more relaxed. Which. . . would be fantastic! And I think would be very hard for me in my job. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be a teacher. There are many things I still don't have a grasp on and feel I never will have a grasp on. There are other things that I think I could do, but I would have to really change myself or spend hours more on work than I already am. I can't do that. I won't do that. But I am too crazy with aspects of my job. And I don't want to destroy my body because of my work.
Work. Per example, all I can do during the school day is work. During my break -- I'm working (checking in homework, conferencing with someone about a student/discussing the day with someone), prepping for an activity. During lunch -- I'm working. Sure, I eat a bit. But I can't make myself sit down and JUST EAT. I have to be doing at least 3 other things during lunch. It's messed up. I know it.
Eckhart Tolle is also very difficult during softball. I think I would be a lot happier person (again) if I could apply his teachings to softball. Then, I wouldn't be so fricken' pissed every time we lost. I wouldn't be so upset when I did badly. I would just enjoy the game. I'm afraid I wouldn't try as hard. Maybe I should put it to test tonight at my NINE THIRTY GAME. Yeesh. Who invented the 9:30 game? Just brutal.
Ok, seriously. Can't see the keys anymore. This is fine for most of my typing, but it gets difficult when I have to type numbers and such. I never learned the numbers when I did typing exercises. Don't you hate that? There's something you missed or didn't get in school, and it keeps coming back to bite you?
**Had to go turn on the lights. I don't know how to type the asterisks.**
So, it's like how in Spanish I never quite figured out how to work direct and indirect objects. Now, in conversation, I keep trying to circumvent the whole thing by changing my sentence completely around or substituting the actual name of the object. I keep meaning to look that up in one of my old high school or college textbooks. What would be really useful is to talk with my amigas in Spanish and have them correct me.
And back to education. Sometimes. Sometimes, I get tired of starting over year after year. I don't like the idea of teaching middle school and high school, but it would be nice to begin the year with my students being able to make paragraphs. And being able to make sentences correctly. And not puting and this and that and this and the other thing AND 500 other ands. And if they were like "We didn't learn that last year", I could be like "YES YOU DID. I WAS THERE!" That would be fun. Better than thinking to myself, "Didn't I teach you this already? Oh yeah. . . that was last year. :-("
Random thoughts: WHY OH WHY did it suddenly get so cold? Cold and dark all at the same time. Brutal. I thought I was ready for some cooler weather. But having to throw on the medium coat (thank goodness not the heavy one yet) was not cool. And it was not fun taking my students out the busline without a jacket because I'd forgotten it was 40 something degrees out.
What the heck is with the wedding dress/bridesmaid dress and fitting into dresses thing? As a bridesmaid, they gave us WAY too much extra material, which hopefully the tailor made some good use of. Whereas brides are always killing themselves to fit into their dresses. Which, by the way, seems particularly ridiculous to me. Brides should be given TONS of extra material. Because. . . brides put themselves under a ridiculously huge amount of stress. What do we do when we're stressed? Eat lots of chocolate/cookies and drink lots of alcohol. So, of course brides are going to get fat. We should just accept this and give brides the extra material needed. If brides don't want to get fat, they should get a wedding planner. Or elope. Anyway, it's the bride's day. Brides should not be so stressed when it's supposed to be the best day of her life. I'm just not going to get married. :-P ;-)
I think that's about it for now. In the plans: posting more often.