(no subject)
A Day In The Life Of A Depressed Teen:
i was talking to my "friend" the other day and for the first time isince the attack i had actually felt like liveing!
He told me he was going to start drugs. I couldnt stand and watching other people do drugs. After all i have been there nad done that. It might work for a while but when you start to come down from your hight you just get ' fucked over twice as bad compared to when you wernt useing' so i called him to talk!
i dont know what to do about him, it gets to me! he is so like me we are both enigmas'!
let me talk to someone for a while and i ll garunteen i can tell you three things What makes them tick, their wearnesses and their motervations. but with my friend i just cant do it.
i found a letter i got off a christian counclor just after the attacks ( i have tried most things to fuck the memories off, even know it has now been just over a year it still gets to me ALOT! i think its my fault!)
Anyway i ll jsut give you the shortened version, well it basically goes like this:
"i apologise for my whingeing the other week when you first started talking about it! now you have told me i dont know what to say or do or how to react!
i know i said "blah blah blah i m gonna heal you".. but i just cant heal you! the only person that can do that is you! i had your situation assessed but in fact i just dont get it it will never be vivid to me like it is to you
Anyway a whole bunch of psalms blah blah balh..."
THE SITUATION IS NOT ONE THAT YOU CAN HEAL YOURSELF UNLESS YOU HAVE A FUCKLOAD OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL!
which is exactly what i did and do
i think i have a phenergan addiction again! lol by its self its tame but teamed with alcohol its absolutly addictive.. it knocks you out and when you finally wake up it takes like 3 days to wear off and untill it does you cant remember much just haze.
i dont know if i have told you yet i have found a nother good place to cut! its the place between my belly and my chest! i thought people would notice if i actually cut my chest off! or a leg or both! i m going to close with some song lyrics
"i try wiuth all my might to see past all your failures but i fail to give a fuck! your a fuck up your a joke your a clown take you pants down get fucked you fucking fuck wit you cant move into my house!"
i cants stand the sight of me
sitting in the centre of my own universe
destained to walk to world alone.
The End
sunday,
hi all!
this is the one day a week that i dont drink! well not yet anyway!
i was thinking today(generally doesnt happen on a sunday) but i was thinking how useless my life seems to be! i mean all to 'god' people tell me that ' i m here for a reason' but what the hell i m only good at three things: juggling, catching food im my mouth, and sorting out other peoples lives, mainly realitionships! but still whats the point? millions of people out there are good at that stuff and then hundreds of thousands of people are even better! by the way i need you guys to do a character profile on me for my HSC drama IP (individual project)i m doing an ip (individual performance) and i need to look of a character close to my own character. i was thinking about turning my "a day in the life of a depressed teen" into a script.
by the way my 'rents have screwed me over again! they are giveing my car to my brother and also my brithday and christmass money so yer nothing for me AGAIN! i supose he is in trouble but it always happens around now so i get screwed over and all the money goes to him! :( i m use to it! but i m so over being the nice little sister! Next time something bad happens i m getting on the train and going down to him and breaking his nose and decking the twat thats causeing him problems! Idiot! I should stop being selfish!
COURTS ACCOOMODATION! ( They are not going to screw me outta my Byron holiday... then again they probably will!)
Oh by the way i gots a new bra today ( sorry to all the males reading this lol!) its green satin! i love it lol! well thats about all from me
Laters all
Rose
xoxoxoxo (< :( no body ever gives me kisses or hugs)
P.s ( Nobody Likes me every body hates me,
guess i ll eat some worms,
big ones small ones fat ones thin ones!)
Nar but seriously i m doomed to wonder the earth lonesome! for all of ever! as i said i can fix other peoples lives but never my own! lol funny r=the way things work like that!
To screwed in the head!..... its not like i want a hugly serious relationship! :( i just want some flowers like lillies or something like that and fun and junk :) not going to happen!
i was talking to my "friend" the other day and for the first time isince the attack i had actually felt like liveing!
He told me he was going to start drugs. I couldnt stand and watching other people do drugs. After all i have been there nad done that. It might work for a while but when you start to come down from your hight you just get ' fucked over twice as bad compared to when you wernt useing' so i called him to talk!
i dont know what to do about him, it gets to me! he is so like me we are both enigmas'!
let me talk to someone for a while and i ll garunteen i can tell you three things What makes them tick, their wearnesses and their motervations. but with my friend i just cant do it.
i found a letter i got off a christian counclor just after the attacks ( i have tried most things to fuck the memories off, even know it has now been just over a year it still gets to me ALOT! i think its my fault!)
Anyway i ll jsut give you the shortened version, well it basically goes like this:
"i apologise for my whingeing the other week when you first started talking about it! now you have told me i dont know what to say or do or how to react!
i know i said "blah blah blah i m gonna heal you".. but i just cant heal you! the only person that can do that is you! i had your situation assessed but in fact i just dont get it it will never be vivid to me like it is to you
Anyway a whole bunch of psalms blah blah balh..."
THE SITUATION IS NOT ONE THAT YOU CAN HEAL YOURSELF UNLESS YOU HAVE A FUCKLOAD OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL!
which is exactly what i did and do
i think i have a phenergan addiction again! lol by its self its tame but teamed with alcohol its absolutly addictive.. it knocks you out and when you finally wake up it takes like 3 days to wear off and untill it does you cant remember much just haze.
i dont know if i have told you yet i have found a nother good place to cut! its the place between my belly and my chest! i thought people would notice if i actually cut my chest off! or a leg or both! i m going to close with some song lyrics
"i try wiuth all my might to see past all your failures but i fail to give a fuck! your a fuck up your a joke your a clown take you pants down get fucked you fucking fuck wit you cant move into my house!"
i cants stand the sight of me
sitting in the centre of my own universe
destained to walk to world alone.
The End
sunday,
hi all!
this is the one day a week that i dont drink! well not yet anyway!
i was thinking today(generally doesnt happen on a sunday) but i was thinking how useless my life seems to be! i mean all to 'god' people tell me that ' i m here for a reason' but what the hell i m only good at three things: juggling, catching food im my mouth, and sorting out other peoples lives, mainly realitionships! but still whats the point? millions of people out there are good at that stuff and then hundreds of thousands of people are even better! by the way i need you guys to do a character profile on me for my HSC drama IP (individual project)i m doing an ip (individual performance) and i need to look of a character close to my own character. i was thinking about turning my "a day in the life of a depressed teen" into a script.
by the way my 'rents have screwed me over again! they are giveing my car to my brother and also my brithday and christmass money so yer nothing for me AGAIN! i supose he is in trouble but it always happens around now so i get screwed over and all the money goes to him! :( i m use to it! but i m so over being the nice little sister! Next time something bad happens i m getting on the train and going down to him and breaking his nose and decking the twat thats causeing him problems! Idiot! I should stop being selfish!
COURTS ACCOOMODATION! ( They are not going to screw me outta my Byron holiday... then again they probably will!)
Oh by the way i gots a new bra today ( sorry to all the males reading this lol!) its green satin! i love it lol! well thats about all from me
Laters all
Rose
xoxoxoxo (< :( no body ever gives me kisses or hugs)
P.s ( Nobody Likes me every body hates me,
guess i ll eat some worms,
big ones small ones fat ones thin ones!)
Nar but seriously i m doomed to wonder the earth lonesome! for all of ever! as i said i can fix other peoples lives but never my own! lol funny r=the way things work like that!
To screwed in the head!..... its not like i want a hugly serious relationship! :( i just want some flowers like lillies or something like that and fun and junk :) not going to happen!