FIC: Travelling Incognito, PG-13 [FMA]

[roseveare]

A mini-Alchemist!Ed adventure. Pre-series. Totally gen and safe from weird pairings. :)

TITLE: Travelling Incognito
AUTHOR: roseveare
RATING: PG-13 with a language warning
LENGTH: 5,000 words approx
SUMMARY: Gen adventure, pre-series. An outsider's point of view on Ed. "There's only one way I can think of, Al, to get inside that place... You'll

Comments

[catecumen]

Beautifully written! I asked phoenix_raging to read this, ASAP. Like her, you always get it right. :-)

[roseveare]

Heya. Thanks - she's on my flist tho now, you realise, so will see it anyway. :)

There's another to follow sometime. This was the little one - the second story's over three times as long and took a quarter of the time to write... go figure...

It's been suggested this is more in-character for manga!Ed, which is good because I wrote it thinking of the manga. AFAIK you'd just seen the first season and the end of the anime, last I knew. Do you think Ed came across as notably, um, evil-er? bad-ass-er? than you're used to. I'm just curious...

[boniblithe]

That was great! I loved the external POV!

[roseveare]

Thanks - glad you liked it. :)

[nebroadwe]

Splendid! Love the introductory dialogue, particularly the last line, which is a great and completely in-character zinger. Your POV character has a good line-of-narration, too: what she sees of Ed from the outside and how she describes (and sometimes rationalizes) it fits well with his canon characterization, flows nicely and effectively characterizes her by implication (something I wish more people writing OCs understood how to do). The action sequence at the end also stands up quite well, both as a character moment and as a well-visualized piece of fight choreography. Al's arrival caps things neatly; the revelation follows the canonical form but never seems forced. I'll be recommending this to people ... and looking up more of your work.

[Comment cross-posted.]

[roseveare]

Wow. I'm bowled over by all your comments and your rec. Thank you. I'm really glad you liked it. :)

This was saved to the desktop of my laptop computer for over a month with me writing a few paragraphs here and there. I knew what I needed to say about Ed and what he was up to and I knew the ending I wanted, but it took some doing to figure out how to get everything across from the outsider perspective, and there were details left at the end, working around the POV issues, that were solved by my beta.

Thanks again!

[alessandriana]

(Finally catching up on my flist here...)

Awesome! I liked this a lot. Outsider POV is one of my favorite story-formats, and this hit all my buttons, especially towards the end. And I could practically see Ed spazzing, lol. Nice job!

[roseveare]

Thanks. :) I was thinking about how weird they must look to outsiders. Ed is such a strange anomaly, really. And I was having trouble getting in the characters heads, so this story happened.

I'm still having trouble writing from inside Ed's POV. The only one so far that has been a proper focused Ed POV is the Ed/Kimbley story that's on hold while I do the comic. The long gen story is in Roy Mustang's POV.

[rinfang]

Awesome! It's so fun to read about Ed's escapades from the view of someone who doesn't know him.

[roseveare]

Thanks! Glad you liked. :)