stressed the fucck oooouut
I feel like I am losing grip of everything. My apartment is a complete mess and I feel like I never have the time or energy to even come close to cleaning it. Matt thinks I am lazy and useless. He's always telling me to clean the house, yet he doesn't do anything with Ellenie. Even on his off days it seems like I am the only one taking care of her. I don't know how to balance taking care of her the house and myself. I am gaining weight and never have time to exercise. I want to be healthier, I want to eat right and exercise and lose the pounds, but I just don't have the energy, and I am always home alone so I grab quick microwave meals instead of cooking something nice to eat.
I am getting lonely. I am home alone all the time. I want so badly for Matt to have a regular hour job. He sleeps from 9am till 15 minutes before he has to go to work. So he then demands I do his ironing right then so he can take a shower. So I never ever get to see him. He's always at work. I see him 1 and a half days a week. On those days I am so wound up by everything else in my life that I end up just fighting with him. I don't even mean to. I love him so much. I just am so tired of being alone and taking care of Ellenie by myself. He is a wonderful husband though, and he is taking care of us the best he can.
I am at my whits end. I feel so fucking stressed out it isn't even funny. My house is a black hole of .clutter and disaster. I am instantly anxious and claustrophobic when I walk in. I don't know where to start cleaning. I get over whelmed by the mess and the shit everywhere. I want to say that a new apartment will help. When we have an actual place for Ellenie's things besides throwing them where they will fit. I am dreaming of the day we get our own washer and dryer. To not have all these dirty clothes piled every fucking where!
What I wouldn't give for some clean organized living..
I feel like I am slipping into a depression. I am reclining myself from society. I don't want to do anything in my house, I don't want to do anything outside my house. Friends call me and ask me to do stuff or to come hang out, and I always end up canceling on them.
This isn't me! I am social.
I think I need a pill
I am getting lonely. I am home alone all the time. I want so badly for Matt to have a regular hour job. He sleeps from 9am till 15 minutes before he has to go to work. So he then demands I do his ironing right then so he can take a shower. So I never ever get to see him. He's always at work. I see him 1 and a half days a week. On those days I am so wound up by everything else in my life that I end up just fighting with him. I don't even mean to. I love him so much. I just am so tired of being alone and taking care of Ellenie by myself. He is a wonderful husband though, and he is taking care of us the best he can.
I am at my whits end. I feel so fucking stressed out it isn't even funny. My house is a black hole of .clutter and disaster. I am instantly anxious and claustrophobic when I walk in. I don't know where to start cleaning. I get over whelmed by the mess and the shit everywhere. I want to say that a new apartment will help. When we have an actual place for Ellenie's things besides throwing them where they will fit. I am dreaming of the day we get our own washer and dryer. To not have all these dirty clothes piled every fucking where!
What I wouldn't give for some clean organized living..
I feel like I am slipping into a depression. I am reclining myself from society. I don't want to do anything in my house, I don't want to do anything outside my house. Friends call me and ask me to do stuff or to come hang out, and I always end up canceling on them.
This isn't me! I am social.
I think I need a pill