Going back to school
My inevitable anxiety kicked in and I am now an hour late to an appointment at Miller Motte I had already subconscious decided I would not be attending. I keep hearing how this school was expensive, and the presure for me to get my GED is already back, which causes me to be uneasy and antsy. The thought of making myself go sit through that test is almost unbearable. Why can I not take test?! Why is my test anxiety so bad that it effects my whole entire life? I am sure that I know most of the answers. Am I used my anxiety as a cloak for my laziness, but I DO want it! I want it so bad, I just wish I could do it all by myself, not having to deal with the social situation that is involved with taking a GED test. Having to get there an hour early, just to make sure I don't drive all the way up there again, just to be turned away at the door. I almost burst into tears when I gather all the courage I have to go take this eternal damnation of a test just to be turned away, telling me all spots are full? Can they not expand this class? Obviously the demand is high!
Do they not realize this is soul crushing for me?
I will get this done! I just can't find the strength.
I can't find the strength in myself to get this done,
I can't find strength in the encouragement of loved ones, not even Dean.
I get angry when someone says "Just do it, it really isn't that bad"
How are those encouraging words? "You are over reacting just get it over with"
Do they not realize how bad I long for it to be over with?
This next time I go to take the test, will be attempt number 6 to get in the door to actually take the test, and IF I do get to take it, it will be attempt number 2 to pass.
That sounded like my motivation was completely lost, but this was really me putting my all into it!
I usually avoid thinking about this all together, let alone writing it down
Do they not realize this is soul crushing for me?
I will get this done! I just can't find the strength.
I can't find the strength in myself to get this done,
I can't find strength in the encouragement of loved ones, not even Dean.
I get angry when someone says "Just do it, it really isn't that bad"
How are those encouraging words? "You are over reacting just get it over with"
Do they not realize how bad I long for it to be over with?
This next time I go to take the test, will be attempt number 6 to get in the door to actually take the test, and IF I do get to take it, it will be attempt number 2 to pass.
That sounded like my motivation was completely lost, but this was really me putting my all into it!
I usually avoid thinking about this all together, let alone writing it down