random confessions

[rosetta_torture]

• When I was 17 I thought I was in love and wanted to be married, I think I just wanted someone to love me, and wanted to show the world I could be grown up.
• Richard changed who I was, some good some bad.
• I am not grown up, nor will I ever be.
• One flew over a cookoos nest is my favorite book.
• I love zombies, and wouldn't mind if I actually was one.
• I am truly in love this time, I could tell you a million reasons why I know, but none of them would make any sense to you probably
• I fantasize all day about picking up all my stuff, getting in the car and going somewhere far away with him beside me, and us starting over in a new world.
• Sometimes I wish I were more of an alcoholic.
• I could eat Sushi everyday and never grow tired of it.
• Waitressing has made me a very cynical person. very very cynical
• Being online is comforting to me.
• I wish I was the person I am now back when I was in high school.
• I don't feel bad about dropping out of school, I just wish I could buy my GED.
• I have very low self esteem all the time, unless Dean is around.
• A guinea pig can make me smile instantly.
• Sir Slaughter is the worlds best guinea pig.
• I am terrified Dean will one day just stop loving me.
• I have panic attacks at night when no one is around , thinking of him leaving me, me never leaving , and being forced to kill myself.
• I enjoy the act of smoking almost more than the nicotine
• Somehow my mother has become my best friend. I don't think she likes this role.
• I sometimes miss the rush cocaine gives me, but that's just because I am addicted to it. I would never ever ever again do it in a million years.
• I got an eating disorder when I was in 7th grade by learning how eating disorders were bad in health class.
• I still sometimes have to fight with myself not to throw up.
• My body completely disgusts me.
• I wish I was a better environmentalist
• I would spend my last dollar , no matter how many bills I had, to make Dean smile.
• I am aware that money can't buy love.
• Shoes can bring love though (just kidding...kind of)
• I wish I had real friends in my life.
• I used to pretend I was Australlian, and actually got away with it for months. I even lived with 2 guys who never knew the real me...ever.
• For some reason it is very hard for me to keep friends. Not that I lose them, I just lose touch with them.
• I wish I had a place to call home, not just a place to live. I imagine it would smell like vanilla.

• I really do want to make cupcakes for a living.
• You have a better chance winning super mario brother wii if you pick baby princess peach with the bike. FYI.
• I used to think I had the worse luck in the entire world, sometimes I still do.
• I think I used to be smarter.
• I wish Dean would buy  me flowers, when I am least expecting them.
• I am growing very impatient with stretching my ears, but refuse to get cat butt!
• It would be easy for me to eat super healthy and exercise, if I had a solid stable living environment.
• I need to do more acid
• I haven't created any art in a very long time. I think I lost my muse.
• I don't want to get married, or have children, but I want to wear Dean's ring, and get a dog.
• I want more  than anything in the world , is to live with Dean again.
• I wish that it was autumn all year long.
• I am glad I never went through with suicide.