6000km, plus.
I think these two years are supposed to be this hard.
I was pretty let down that DVH didn’t come to Pier last night for my birthday, and then I think about it, and I wonder - what’s the point? I can’t have a meaningful relationship with anyone if I want to hold to the principle that Stefan and I just haven’t worked out, yet. I remember the conversation where I tried to convince both of us that it was possible to see other people while waiting this out. I was wrong. You can fuck other people in the mean time, but date them, be with them and mean it, now that’s tricky. I should accept my loneliness. No one wants to know they’re a replacement, which they’re just there for the interim, and I don’t feel like fucking anyone I’m not dating. I think in that equation I come out alone. And I’ve got to wonder if I’ll be able to deal. I guess that’ll be my proof, if this hope is enough to feed every craving I have over the next two years.
He handed his thesis in on Wednesday, and I’m pretty fucking proud of him. Thursday he left for Bangkok and now my head is spinning. I got an email on Thursday, with a birthday wish since he has no communication there (which terrifies me to death), by the time I read the email he was on the plane. I think a visit is going to be needed, sometime in the New Year.
It’s been far too long.
I was pretty let down that DVH didn’t come to Pier last night for my birthday, and then I think about it, and I wonder - what’s the point? I can’t have a meaningful relationship with anyone if I want to hold to the principle that Stefan and I just haven’t worked out, yet. I remember the conversation where I tried to convince both of us that it was possible to see other people while waiting this out. I was wrong. You can fuck other people in the mean time, but date them, be with them and mean it, now that’s tricky. I should accept my loneliness. No one wants to know they’re a replacement, which they’re just there for the interim, and I don’t feel like fucking anyone I’m not dating. I think in that equation I come out alone. And I’ve got to wonder if I’ll be able to deal. I guess that’ll be my proof, if this hope is enough to feed every craving I have over the next two years.
He handed his thesis in on Wednesday, and I’m pretty fucking proud of him. Thursday he left for Bangkok and now my head is spinning. I got an email on Thursday, with a birthday wish since he has no communication there (which terrifies me to death), by the time I read the email he was on the plane. I think a visit is going to be needed, sometime in the New Year.
It’s been far too long.