tonight i will sit next to you; to see if you act like we're through.

[rosesxregret]

i've decided it's no longer worth it. i'm giving up. i tried. i honestly did. i tried to talk to you and i've tried to get you to talk to me about everything that happened. but unfortunately our friendship is something that only i want now, and you don't. at least, that's how it comes across to me. i miss you, i admit. i miss everything about you. i miss the time we spent together. i miss making you laugh. i miss you making me laugh. most of all, however, i miss getting to call you my best friend. it hurts. missing you hurts. but i've lost a lot of people in my life, a lot of best friends. and eventually i'll have to move on. i guess it was stupid of me to believe you when you said we'd be best friends forever. when we planned out our entire future together. when we had all these plans. to go to the beach, and to move to new york, and to go to the same college, and to have an us day, doing everything we loved; eating chinese & drinking midnight chocolate milk, watching gardenstate & meangirls. do you even remember? it feels as though you don't. you moved on so quickly it seems. and you don't want to talk to me. and you can walk right past me. and i haven't been sleeping much anymore. and i've had a headache for the past week. at times i forget how to enjoy myself. and i know it's not worth all this pain but i sit on my bed thinking and i lay down my head & it's throbbing and it doesn't matter how much medicine i take; it won't go away. i've just lost so many friends & it's so hard losing you too. and you know, it's my fault. i've made you feel guilty, i know that. i've talked about you behind your back, i know that. and i've missed you, and you know that. i should have been there for you. i should have been happy for you. i shouldn't have stopped talking to you. that's just what a friend is suposed to do. and maybe i should have never told you how i felt, and maybe i should have pretended i was happy. i'm not bad at faking it. but it was just so impossible to sit there and watch you hold her. to stand there and feel you walk past me without even an acknowledgement of my existence. like you didn't even know me. & i wrote you that letter and i thought it would help, i thought it would make us stronger but perhaps i was wrong for that too. we both swore nothing would change. it did. we both know it. we both saw it. we both let it. all i want to do is talk to you and make everything better again. all i want to do is apologize; and hear you apologize back. all i want to do is hug you like the day when you came back after being sick & gone from school. all i want to do is start over with you. i just want to be friends again. friends at least. friends at first. and if that's doing good we can go back to being best friends. and maybe after that we can do everything we talked about. that's what i want. but i can't make up your mind for you.

consider it. consider everything.

think back & maybe you'll realize we have a friendship worth saving.

"i'm so glad we're friends. we have like our own sense of humor you know?"

this is the last letter i'll write to you. this is the last time i try.

you're valuable. don't let anyone tell you different.

on another note, i went to the beach today with my parents, for a "family trip". it was too cold to swim, but let me just say, one of the most beautiful, most simple things in life, is to sit on the rocks and watch the waves crash against them, letting the water gently spray you. the sound the water makes as it caresses the boulders is beautiful. and one by one you can feel your thoughts being pulled away with the current. it's amazing.

& i can honestly say that sunsets are another of the most beautiful creations ever given to us. it's one thing you can count on to come everyday, no matter what you do, the sun will always set. and in the morning, will always rise.



thank you for everything.