Tokyo Ghoul :re is breaking my heart
I've always said that if haise wants to continue being haise, then he should let go of his lost memories. This means accepting them as they are and choosing to move on. I know he's not entirely longing for them, because he's happy where he is. But.
But he needs to realize that he's kaneki. He needs to be able to take down the walls between himself as haise and his previous self as kaneki the centipede. He needs to, in order to be truly happy.
This 'i'm fine if i lose myself when i loose kaneki' business is fucking heartbreaking. It doesn't have to be that way.
Because he doesn't need to disappear. Because he is kaneki.
I know part of it is fear of losing all he's worked for the past years. I know that he doesn't even want to lose himself because fuck he has a 'family!'
But, haise. You are just like him. I know you consider kaneki as a ghoul, a monster. But, you are not only just like him, you are him.
Your kindness. Your thoughfulness. Your protectiveness. Your self-sacrificing attitude. Even your love for books.
And, i think if he just reconcile with his past, he will be able to truly move on from being kaneki. Just running away will not help.
And using kaneki everytime he's in a rut is even more destructive. Because using centipede as a... weapon, means that haise only considers him as... a tool. A tool he can't control completely -- a tool he's so afraid of using because it represents danger to his current existence.
Centipede doesn't have to be a danger to him.
But, then, haise doesn't have the security kaneki had. He never had somebody to accept him as all he is, be it as a selfish fool or as a rampaging ghoul.
I think that's another problem. With all his fear of losing himself, there's also that. He will be taken down if he acted as a ghoul. Because it means turning on the doves.
Because he kept separating himself into two. Meaning his motivations are not kaneki's motivations. His wants are not kaneki's wants. The people he wants to protect are not the ones kaneki wants to protect. His family is not kaneki's.
And he needs to be one, in order to fully protect his family. In order to fully utilize his strengths.
I don't even care if he wants to go back as kaneki anymore. Recent chapter shows he doesn't.
I just want him to say if he truly wants to be haise: i was kaneki. I am kaneki. But, i'm choosing to be haise.
That should be complete. With all his being, as a ghoul and as a dove. Choose to be haise. Because losing yourself when you become kaneki means you did not make a choice and it was taken from you.
Please, choose.
Please, haise, face kaneki eye to eye.
Reconcile yourself.
Be whole.
Then, choose.
After... I know it will hurt, but...
I will never speak any word of complaint.
I am just so hurt right now.
There might be flaws with what i wrote (it's all about interpretation anyway), but i just want to let it out.
But he needs to realize that he's kaneki. He needs to be able to take down the walls between himself as haise and his previous self as kaneki the centipede. He needs to, in order to be truly happy.
This 'i'm fine if i lose myself when i loose kaneki' business is fucking heartbreaking. It doesn't have to be that way.
Because he doesn't need to disappear. Because he is kaneki.
I know part of it is fear of losing all he's worked for the past years. I know that he doesn't even want to lose himself because fuck he has a 'family!'
But, haise. You are just like him. I know you consider kaneki as a ghoul, a monster. But, you are not only just like him, you are him.
Your kindness. Your thoughfulness. Your protectiveness. Your self-sacrificing attitude. Even your love for books.
And, i think if he just reconcile with his past, he will be able to truly move on from being kaneki. Just running away will not help.
And using kaneki everytime he's in a rut is even more destructive. Because using centipede as a... weapon, means that haise only considers him as... a tool. A tool he can't control completely -- a tool he's so afraid of using because it represents danger to his current existence.
Centipede doesn't have to be a danger to him.
But, then, haise doesn't have the security kaneki had. He never had somebody to accept him as all he is, be it as a selfish fool or as a rampaging ghoul.
I think that's another problem. With all his fear of losing himself, there's also that. He will be taken down if he acted as a ghoul. Because it means turning on the doves.
Because he kept separating himself into two. Meaning his motivations are not kaneki's motivations. His wants are not kaneki's wants. The people he wants to protect are not the ones kaneki wants to protect. His family is not kaneki's.
And he needs to be one, in order to fully protect his family. In order to fully utilize his strengths.
I don't even care if he wants to go back as kaneki anymore. Recent chapter shows he doesn't.
I just want him to say if he truly wants to be haise: i was kaneki. I am kaneki. But, i'm choosing to be haise.
That should be complete. With all his being, as a ghoul and as a dove. Choose to be haise. Because losing yourself when you become kaneki means you did not make a choice and it was taken from you.
Please, choose.
Please, haise, face kaneki eye to eye.
Reconcile yourself.
Be whole.
Then, choose.
After... I know it will hurt, but...
I will never speak any word of complaint.
I am just so hurt right now.
There might be flaws with what i wrote (it's all about interpretation anyway), but i just want to let it out.