My fucked up thought process... :-/
Here's the deal. I feel like I NEED a boyfriend, but at the same time, I don't want one. But I DO!! It's soooooo confusing. And then there's this guy at work that I'm TOTALLY DIGGIN', but he got a girlfriend... :( My life sucks SOO bad... Even if he was available... I don't know that I'd want to date him, because like I said before, I don't really know if I want a boyfriend right now.
I've got a LOT of shit I feel like I need to do before I really get ready to settle down with someone. First, I need to get my own place. I REALLY think that's necessary, especially for my self-esteem. I DO NOT want to live with my mom for the rest of my life. And I feel like if I don't get out soon, it's never gonna happen. :-/
Second, I need to just get my mind on track with shit. Learn to handle my responsibilities a little better. But I think if I was on my own, I that would happen a lot sooner. I wouldn't have anyone else to do it for me. I'm kind of lazy... :-/ But I'm working on that... I'm trying to break through my hard headedness and teach myself to quit being lazy.... It's a hard process, and I'm slowly accomplishing my goal... :)
I feel like part of the problem is, I can get distracted by ANYTHING. I have a very hard time focusing on one thing at a time. Even at work, I bring a book or run away from my press and find someone to talk to or something, and I'll let my parts back up on the belt and then come back and catch them up. My mind is always all over the place, and I can't do anything to slow it down. Which is another thing I'm trying to teach myself. I've always had a hard time focusing on things.
I'm ADHD, if I've never mentioned that before. I hate it sometimes, because I'll get in an impulsive mood and I have to seriously sit there for a second and tell myself to calm down, or tell myself, "No Kristen. That's bad. Don't do it." Like last night, I went to Wal-Mart, and I really had the thought in mind to steal something... HOW COULD I EVEN THINK TO DO THAT!?! I haven't stolen anything in YEARS! I think the last time I stole something was when I was with my ex... like 3-4 years ago. I DO NOT want to start back into old bad habits... I mean, I've already started smoking weed again... That's bad enough. I DO NOT need to do it PERIOD!
Okay, but I think I'm done now. I just needed to get that out. I feel lots better now. :)
I've got a LOT of shit I feel like I need to do before I really get ready to settle down with someone. First, I need to get my own place. I REALLY think that's necessary, especially for my self-esteem. I DO NOT want to live with my mom for the rest of my life. And I feel like if I don't get out soon, it's never gonna happen. :-/
Second, I need to just get my mind on track with shit. Learn to handle my responsibilities a little better. But I think if I was on my own, I that would happen a lot sooner. I wouldn't have anyone else to do it for me. I'm kind of lazy... :-/ But I'm working on that... I'm trying to break through my hard headedness and teach myself to quit being lazy.... It's a hard process, and I'm slowly accomplishing my goal... :)
I feel like part of the problem is, I can get distracted by ANYTHING. I have a very hard time focusing on one thing at a time. Even at work, I bring a book or run away from my press and find someone to talk to or something, and I'll let my parts back up on the belt and then come back and catch them up. My mind is always all over the place, and I can't do anything to slow it down. Which is another thing I'm trying to teach myself. I've always had a hard time focusing on things.
I'm ADHD, if I've never mentioned that before. I hate it sometimes, because I'll get in an impulsive mood and I have to seriously sit there for a second and tell myself to calm down, or tell myself, "No Kristen. That's bad. Don't do it." Like last night, I went to Wal-Mart, and I really had the thought in mind to steal something... HOW COULD I EVEN THINK TO DO THAT!?! I haven't stolen anything in YEARS! I think the last time I stole something was when I was with my ex... like 3-4 years ago. I DO NOT want to start back into old bad habits... I mean, I've already started smoking weed again... That's bad enough. I DO NOT need to do it PERIOD!
Okay, but I think I'm done now. I just needed to get that out. I feel lots better now. :)