I feel like a fish in a water bowl
I feel like I keep thinking in circles. I can see what lies on the otherside of the glass, but I just keep swimming in circles trying to figure out how to get out. Every time I take a running start to try and escape I don't jump high enough and I slam into the glass and find myself back in the same spot I was before. Yet what's worse? Being stuck in the warm water of the bowl or floundering around on the outside with no air and no idea what to do next? BC that's where I'll be in a few weeks, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.
The thing is that I'm not really worried about it or at least I'm doing a pretty good job of hiding it even from myself, but I can tell it's starting to get to me bc I can't stay focused on anything right now. My mind just keeps jumping around trying to do anything but focus on what's important right now. And I think it's bc I really have no idea what I want to do anymore. I'm struggling just to keep my head on straight right now and realize that I have start getting stuff together.
I think I'm angry with myself. I feel like I gave up way too easily on all the things I really wanted to do when I grew up and now I'm 23 and feel like I'm suppose to know where I stand. I'm suppose to have things together after a year out of college. But I'm still at square one and filled with a sadness I can't explain. I feel like I'm missing out on this time in my life that's suppose to be fun and exciting. They say that you're twenties are full of finding yourself, but I'm doing a pretty good job of losing myself right now.
I know that a lot of people are feeling this way too about stuff so I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. Really I'm trying to search within myself to find the little girl who was full of ideas and had big plans for the future, bc right now she's just being buried under discouragement and lost dreams.
I mean how did we all end up here in this sort of twilight zone between being a college student and an adult? We're suppose to be smarter then the kids just getting into college yet they tell us that we're still young and that we'll understand better when we get older.
I feel like they just keep raising the bar just out of reach. College isn't enough to get you anywhere in a job without experience. You need a job to get experience. So what comes first the chicken or the egg?
The thing is that I'm not really worried about it or at least I'm doing a pretty good job of hiding it even from myself, but I can tell it's starting to get to me bc I can't stay focused on anything right now. My mind just keeps jumping around trying to do anything but focus on what's important right now. And I think it's bc I really have no idea what I want to do anymore. I'm struggling just to keep my head on straight right now and realize that I have start getting stuff together.
I think I'm angry with myself. I feel like I gave up way too easily on all the things I really wanted to do when I grew up and now I'm 23 and feel like I'm suppose to know where I stand. I'm suppose to have things together after a year out of college. But I'm still at square one and filled with a sadness I can't explain. I feel like I'm missing out on this time in my life that's suppose to be fun and exciting. They say that you're twenties are full of finding yourself, but I'm doing a pretty good job of losing myself right now.
I know that a lot of people are feeling this way too about stuff so I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. Really I'm trying to search within myself to find the little girl who was full of ideas and had big plans for the future, bc right now she's just being buried under discouragement and lost dreams.
I mean how did we all end up here in this sort of twilight zone between being a college student and an adult? We're suppose to be smarter then the kids just getting into college yet they tell us that we're still young and that we'll understand better when we get older.
I feel like they just keep raising the bar just out of reach. College isn't enough to get you anywhere in a job without experience. You need a job to get experience. So what comes first the chicken or the egg?