(no subject)
Having a desk job leaves me with down time, and on numerous occations I've turned to livejournal for entertainment. I have entries dated back to 04 on this bad boy, and it really amazes me how much I've grown.
I've read previous entries and been envious and embarassed all at once. I used to have wit. I might still, but the main difference is I'm guarded now. Back then I didn't give a shit. It was all so fresh and new, and I didn't care what people thought of me.
That was before the stage of self pitty, also documented on the lj. It was a tough transition, and I didn't have many people in my life who cared about me, so I handled it with an eating disorder. I honestly believed the thinner I got, the more people would like me. Pathetic.
Looking back, I can pinpoint the exact time in my life when I started caring. I've definately matured, but in a lot of areas I've regretfully immatured, and that is something based entirely on fear. The experiences of my past have left me thick skinned. That being said, I have no excuse not to change. I have no reason to live with my guard up. I'm ready to start living again.
I've read previous entries and been envious and embarassed all at once. I used to have wit. I might still, but the main difference is I'm guarded now. Back then I didn't give a shit. It was all so fresh and new, and I didn't care what people thought of me.
That was before the stage of self pitty, also documented on the lj. It was a tough transition, and I didn't have many people in my life who cared about me, so I handled it with an eating disorder. I honestly believed the thinner I got, the more people would like me. Pathetic.
Looking back, I can pinpoint the exact time in my life when I started caring. I've definately matured, but in a lot of areas I've regretfully immatured, and that is something based entirely on fear. The experiences of my past have left me thick skinned. That being said, I have no excuse not to change. I have no reason to live with my guard up. I'm ready to start living again.