i want out.
so this whole self image shit is getting really old. im 20. girls deal with this shit their entire lives. i dont think i can handle another 60+ years. (hoping) it's a constant battle with me. literally i'm fighting myself. the only person i will ever get to be in this life is me, but for some reason we don't get along. if i don't understand something, or i'm bothered by it, i can usually write and the solution brings itself to the surface. but when it comes to me and my body a solution hasn't surfaced since i hit puberty. i can't figure out if theres something deeper i'm lacking that's making me feel this way, but i'm happy when i'm skinny. and i know that sounds rediculous because i am skinny. but my brain doesn't see it that way. how do i get my brain to catch up. i know exactly how to get that perfect figure i want, but i don't do anything about it. so either i need to come to terms with myself, or get some form of motivation to get the body i really want. but personally i like smoking my cigarettes and eating whatever i want..within vegan guidlines. i can have my cake and eat it too...i just have to go for a run after. ahh i hate this. how can i just like myself no matter what size?! how do girls do that? this is the only body i will ever get in my entire life! it is the equivalent of life. without it i would be dead. so why the fuck do i hate it so much?