Truth

[rosen_dove]

I'm honest here because I feel this anonymous interface is the only place in the world I can truly be honest with myself to others. And that's why there's a higher drama content in this little corner of cyberspace than you would normally find anywhere else. People just hide things from each other. Or so I've been told because that is the normal way of living. We dont confide in each other. We just dont. But since I've decided that in real life simply hiding things in my life doesnt do the trick. I need to step it up and flat out lie. That's my conclusion. Maybe if indirectly misleading facts and issues in my life doesn't work, I'll just directly lie about it. Throw people off my trail.

I'm at that point in a lifetime where things don't make sense anymore. And I'm not sure of anything. I don't know where to go, who to trust. Anything. What to say or do. I have this elaborate plot of running away. Other people quit life, so why can't I? I just get hung up about how to ditch my car... I'll be the one who falls off the grid, through the cracks, til I hit rock bottom. But something that keeps me in my home is that I'm really not entirely sure I'll be any happier there than I am here.

I do want to do something. Anything. If I want to stop being so upset, then I'll just stop being so upset. I'll become such a convincing liar that even I believe it all.

My closest friends are me myself and I and I like it like that.

I have a paper due in 11 hours.