Hope
The neurologist was yesterday. I know this sounds kinda crazy, but everytime I go there, I feel a sense of hope. Like somehow, magic wand or no, after this visit things will be better. Hope for the new dosage, new treatment, or whatever. But very rarely do I leave with that same attitude. In fact, usually I feel like no matter what we try I'm always going to be in some level of pain for the rest of my life. I'll be one of those mothers whose children take care of her more often than she takes care of them. I don't want to be like that. Ever. But if things don't change drastically I don't know how to keep it from ending up like that. It wasn't too long ago I felt real hope for things to get better. Now I'm not so sure. I'm just not sure. That said the visit was good. The doc eased some concerns of mine. But I still got that sense that I'm one of the most unusal cases he's had. Which is nothing if not discomforting. My dosage has been uped. Since I've noticed a decrease in daily pain its good news. I'm still unsure as to a decrease in migraine episodes so we'll see. I am hopeful. But.... more of a pesimistic optimism if anything. You know what they say. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. That way you're only ever pleasantly surprised.
Mackenzie isn't doing so well either. She was supposed to be home by now. But complications arose and so they tried fitting her with a halo this morning. Unfortunately it put her in such excrutiating pain they had to take it off and her surgeon is going to do his best at figuring out how to fuse her on friday. Or atleast that's how I understood it. I think she's been in the hospital for 2 weeks now. No fun.
I scheduled my classes for UMW today. Talk about a pain in the ass. I called a couple weeks ago to see if I could make an appointment with someone to help me, but they dont do individual appointments for scheduling. WTF? It wouldbe great if I could get some one on one help with this. Specially since we're paying through the nose for it and I don't want to get it wrong and it's my first time doing anything like this ever! All of my friends get to make their schedules with help during orientation. But not me. That's cool though. I figured it all out. And asuming (which can be dangerous) that things go smoothly tomorrow morning, I will be taking ballet, geology, horseback riding, history of asia, and cryptology. Sounds like camp really, lol. I'm a bit iffy about the cryptology. It sounds so interesting, fascinating really. But it also sounds math intensive. Hopefully at a level I can keep pace with. *fingers crossed*
With this memory though I'm not holding my breath. I'll prolly forget to even get online and register. Speaking of which we, including the doc, think that alot of my focus and memory issues are due to bad sleep. Even though I'm in bed for 10 hours a day, I have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. Partially due to the pain, restless dreams and an imagination akin to 10 children hyped up on red bull energy 24/7. This is even more concerning considering the fact that the medication I'm on is supposed to help sleep be long and refreshing. It's kinda what it does. So I'm taking over the counter sleep aid as well. There's a selection so if I give it (does 1 week sound fair? Ok, how bout 2?) 2 weeks and I don't feel any difference in quality of sleep, focus, memory, and refreshiness, that drug is canned. I'm starting out with some sleep MD which is drug free which makes me wonder how it works. But we'll see. Tonight is night #1. Kinda excited. Again with the pessimistic optimism.
Mackenzie isn't doing so well either. She was supposed to be home by now. But complications arose and so they tried fitting her with a halo this morning. Unfortunately it put her in such excrutiating pain they had to take it off and her surgeon is going to do his best at figuring out how to fuse her on friday. Or atleast that's how I understood it. I think she's been in the hospital for 2 weeks now. No fun.
I scheduled my classes for UMW today. Talk about a pain in the ass. I called a couple weeks ago to see if I could make an appointment with someone to help me, but they dont do individual appointments for scheduling. WTF? It wouldbe great if I could get some one on one help with this. Specially since we're paying through the nose for it and I don't want to get it wrong and it's my first time doing anything like this ever! All of my friends get to make their schedules with help during orientation. But not me. That's cool though. I figured it all out. And asuming (which can be dangerous) that things go smoothly tomorrow morning, I will be taking ballet, geology, horseback riding, history of asia, and cryptology. Sounds like camp really, lol. I'm a bit iffy about the cryptology. It sounds so interesting, fascinating really. But it also sounds math intensive. Hopefully at a level I can keep pace with. *fingers crossed*
With this memory though I'm not holding my breath. I'll prolly forget to even get online and register. Speaking of which we, including the doc, think that alot of my focus and memory issues are due to bad sleep. Even though I'm in bed for 10 hours a day, I have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. Partially due to the pain, restless dreams and an imagination akin to 10 children hyped up on red bull energy 24/7. This is even more concerning considering the fact that the medication I'm on is supposed to help sleep be long and refreshing. It's kinda what it does. So I'm taking over the counter sleep aid as well. There's a selection so if I give it (does 1 week sound fair? Ok, how bout 2?) 2 weeks and I don't feel any difference in quality of sleep, focus, memory, and refreshiness, that drug is canned. I'm starting out with some sleep MD which is drug free which makes me wonder how it works. But we'll see. Tonight is night #1. Kinda excited. Again with the pessimistic optimism.