That's what it needed -- ninjas!
At this week's family pot-luck, I was trying to get some writing done and (I admit it) complaining a bit. My brother-in-law was kind enough to take my laptop and show me how easy it really is.
This provided great entertainment for the rest of the afternoon.
--
And then Navy SEALs rappelled from the landing and started firing on the republicans!
The republicans fired back, but in reality they never had a chance: they were outgunned and outmanned-and outwitted! "Foiled again!" cried Robspierre as he ran for his secret exit. The Navy SEALs followed him, but were too late. Luckily Yoda was there to tell them where Robspierre was going: "To the Japanese Embassy, Robspierre is running."
"That can only mean one thing" Chuck Norris confided in his team of SEALs. "Ninjas" they all said in unison as they arrived at the same conclusion.
"Duck!" Percy yelled as he dived in front of a ninja star aimed at Chuck Norris' heart.
[The star had come from the now dead king ninja (one of the SEALs dispatched him shortly after he had thrown the star)]
"God Damn it!", screamed Percy in agony as the star pierced his right quadriceps. Chuck Norris looked down at him and thanked him for saving his life. (In reality Chuck Norris cannot die, but he was trying to keep Percy from feeling stupid for his amazingly heroic act). Marguerite ran over to Percy and started to comfort him. She kissed him and while he was distracted, removed the ninja star from his leg. It still hurt a lot, but Percy didn't want to cry in front of the Navy SEALs (you know how guys are).
By this time all the ninjas were dead or incapacitated as they really are no match for modern soldiers with guns and everyone's thoughts turned to Robspierre and the millions he had stolen from the Monty Carlo Casino. (later the song "The Man Who Broke Into the Bank at Monty Carlo" was written to immortalize Robspierre's cunning heist, but historians got confused and thought it was written about a man who broke the bank playing blackjack: this was because the singer forgot a word when they finally put the song on tape. Historians sure can be stupid, can't they?) "If I know Robspierre, and I do," chimed Percy, "he will be going to the embassy to make his way by airship to Russia-"
"To give the doubloons to the robot clone of Joseph Stalin, no doubt" added Marguerite, "I saw the way they were looking at each other at the last Grand Ball at Buckingham Palace. He kept-"
KABOOOOOM!!!! Everyone fell flat as Versailles exploded around them.
"Quick, everyone, let's get out of here! Before the second round of explosions begins." Percy said and he added, "I know just the person who can get us to fascist Russia in time to stop Stalinbot and Robspierre from using the gold to buy the labour and supplies to make the machines that will make the robots that will make Stalinbot's doomsday device, Captain. Jack. Sparrow."
(It should be noted now that this Captain Jack Sparrow was not the popular pirate from the Disney movies, but a forgotten English fisherman with a boat in the area. He was a friend of Percy's and would sometimes give him lifts and let him crash on his couch when Percy was in Marguerite's bad books.)
Captain Sparrow was a tad drunk, but they managed to wake him in time to get out of the country that Versailles is in (whose name shall not be named) before the second round of explosions. Two weeks later they were in Moscow for the final showdown.
The Red Army was assembled in the Red Square with their guns that shoot bombs and other unpleasant things aimed at the Motley crew that was there to face them: Percy, Marguerite, Chuck Norris and the SEALs, Yoda, and Captain Jack Sparrow (who was by this time in the day rather drunk).
"Fire!" cried the Stalinbot and the vessels of death blotted out the sun as they flew at the heroes assembled at this final battle for the fate of humanity.
"Uh oh" said Percy quite wittily to Marguerite
"Are some of them shooting tigers out of their guns?" Chuck Norris muttered to no one in particular, "this is worse than I thought!"
Then, when all was thought to be lost the Eagles came. They flew fast and hard at the volley fired by the enemies of freedom and absorbed most of the impact. All of the eagles died, but let's try not to concentrate on that fact: it is sort of depressing; however, their heroic sacrifice gave Chuck Norris and the SEALs time to charge at the enemy. Chuck Norris round house kicked three members of the red army into oblivion and probably hell (to get into the Red Army you sort of have to be a bad person). The Navy SEALs wreaked havoc on the enemy lines, but one of the ones that never got much screen time was mauled to death by a tiger that had not been loaded into a gun yet (this obviously happened before the tigers decided to join forces with the good guys). Percy duelled ten soldiers at once, disrobing them all and causing them to flee in embarrassment. Yoda force pushed an entire devision into a building with such force that all their legs were broken and they were removed from the fight-permanently. It looked as if all was about to be won when Stalinbot appeared at the top of the Kremlin with a fully operational doomsday device. Percy raced to the top of the Kremlin to stop him and finally caught up to him on a narrow platform on the highest spire. "Finally, I meet the great Percy" said Stalinbot, "your reputation preceded you".
"Likewise" replied Percy and laughed foppishly
"But the thing is, you are too late Percy. You cannot stop me. You see I have-" And that is when Stalinbot fell to the ground his power source completely fried by a side kick from Chuck Norris who had climbed the side of the building while Percy and Stalinbot were talking
"Man, it's good to see you!" Percy yelled as he high-fived Chuck Norris.
And they lived happily ever after and were given medals like the heroes they were. Also Yoda managed to get back to his home planet like he always wanted to.
The End.
--
This provided great entertainment for the rest of the afternoon.
--
And then Navy SEALs rappelled from the landing and started firing on the republicans!
The republicans fired back, but in reality they never had a chance: they were outgunned and outmanned-and outwitted! "Foiled again!" cried Robspierre as he ran for his secret exit. The Navy SEALs followed him, but were too late. Luckily Yoda was there to tell them where Robspierre was going: "To the Japanese Embassy, Robspierre is running."
"That can only mean one thing" Chuck Norris confided in his team of SEALs. "Ninjas" they all said in unison as they arrived at the same conclusion.
"Duck!" Percy yelled as he dived in front of a ninja star aimed at Chuck Norris' heart.
[The star had come from the now dead king ninja (one of the SEALs dispatched him shortly after he had thrown the star)]
"God Damn it!", screamed Percy in agony as the star pierced his right quadriceps. Chuck Norris looked down at him and thanked him for saving his life. (In reality Chuck Norris cannot die, but he was trying to keep Percy from feeling stupid for his amazingly heroic act). Marguerite ran over to Percy and started to comfort him. She kissed him and while he was distracted, removed the ninja star from his leg. It still hurt a lot, but Percy didn't want to cry in front of the Navy SEALs (you know how guys are).
By this time all the ninjas were dead or incapacitated as they really are no match for modern soldiers with guns and everyone's thoughts turned to Robspierre and the millions he had stolen from the Monty Carlo Casino. (later the song "The Man Who Broke Into the Bank at Monty Carlo" was written to immortalize Robspierre's cunning heist, but historians got confused and thought it was written about a man who broke the bank playing blackjack: this was because the singer forgot a word when they finally put the song on tape. Historians sure can be stupid, can't they?) "If I know Robspierre, and I do," chimed Percy, "he will be going to the embassy to make his way by airship to Russia-"
"To give the doubloons to the robot clone of Joseph Stalin, no doubt" added Marguerite, "I saw the way they were looking at each other at the last Grand Ball at Buckingham Palace. He kept-"
KABOOOOOM!!!! Everyone fell flat as Versailles exploded around them.
"Quick, everyone, let's get out of here! Before the second round of explosions begins." Percy said and he added, "I know just the person who can get us to fascist Russia in time to stop Stalinbot and Robspierre from using the gold to buy the labour and supplies to make the machines that will make the robots that will make Stalinbot's doomsday device, Captain. Jack. Sparrow."
(It should be noted now that this Captain Jack Sparrow was not the popular pirate from the Disney movies, but a forgotten English fisherman with a boat in the area. He was a friend of Percy's and would sometimes give him lifts and let him crash on his couch when Percy was in Marguerite's bad books.)
Captain Sparrow was a tad drunk, but they managed to wake him in time to get out of the country that Versailles is in (whose name shall not be named) before the second round of explosions. Two weeks later they were in Moscow for the final showdown.
The Red Army was assembled in the Red Square with their guns that shoot bombs and other unpleasant things aimed at the Motley crew that was there to face them: Percy, Marguerite, Chuck Norris and the SEALs, Yoda, and Captain Jack Sparrow (who was by this time in the day rather drunk).
"Fire!" cried the Stalinbot and the vessels of death blotted out the sun as they flew at the heroes assembled at this final battle for the fate of humanity.
"Uh oh" said Percy quite wittily to Marguerite
"Are some of them shooting tigers out of their guns?" Chuck Norris muttered to no one in particular, "this is worse than I thought!"
Then, when all was thought to be lost the Eagles came. They flew fast and hard at the volley fired by the enemies of freedom and absorbed most of the impact. All of the eagles died, but let's try not to concentrate on that fact: it is sort of depressing; however, their heroic sacrifice gave Chuck Norris and the SEALs time to charge at the enemy. Chuck Norris round house kicked three members of the red army into oblivion and probably hell (to get into the Red Army you sort of have to be a bad person). The Navy SEALs wreaked havoc on the enemy lines, but one of the ones that never got much screen time was mauled to death by a tiger that had not been loaded into a gun yet (this obviously happened before the tigers decided to join forces with the good guys). Percy duelled ten soldiers at once, disrobing them all and causing them to flee in embarrassment. Yoda force pushed an entire devision into a building with such force that all their legs were broken and they were removed from the fight-permanently. It looked as if all was about to be won when Stalinbot appeared at the top of the Kremlin with a fully operational doomsday device. Percy raced to the top of the Kremlin to stop him and finally caught up to him on a narrow platform on the highest spire. "Finally, I meet the great Percy" said Stalinbot, "your reputation preceded you".
"Likewise" replied Percy and laughed foppishly
"But the thing is, you are too late Percy. You cannot stop me. You see I have-" And that is when Stalinbot fell to the ground his power source completely fried by a side kick from Chuck Norris who had climbed the side of the building while Percy and Stalinbot were talking
"Man, it's good to see you!" Percy yelled as he high-fived Chuck Norris.
And they lived happily ever after and were given medals like the heroes they were. Also Yoda managed to get back to his home planet like he always wanted to.
The End.
--