You're Happy You're In Love, You Need Someone To Hate.
Well, I managed to roll out of bed before 2:00pm today...which means I got up at 1:51pm instead. Hahah. Its an improvement. NO. What needs to be improved, yet again, are my repulsive sleeping habits that I've fallen back into. And I was doing so good! Abandoning my vampiric ways...getting healthy, and everything crumbled to hell. Ah well, I still have time to fix it before returning to college. Hm. College. Return.
You know, I have no idea what to do with my future? Art Therapy was a lovely idea for one semester...and now, well, I just can't get excited about it...at all. In fact, I can't get excited about doing anything with art. My whole highschool career it was an obsession, and then suddenly poof! All passion for it gone, evaporated. And I don't even miss it really. Is that sad? I still don't think I have the type of talent that it takes to be sucessful in the art world. Doing fanart is fine and dandy, but it would never bring in money...and I hate the idea of doing art and getting paid. I like to do it for free, maybe because even if I poor over a picture for hours or days it still means nothing to me. Or, I like to think its generosity Haha. But it could very well mean that art holds nothing in my heart anymore. Even writing is more preferable in comparrison. Writing is still fun, and highly amusing...and then it can be serious and message giving. Art for me is so meaningless unless its for personal expression or to just draw Lucius snogging a very unhappy Snape out of pure amusement. Other then that, its...just...there. I've known for a long time that I'd never do anything with it, or go places with it...but now its really sinking in and I'm wondering what the hell is there left?
Well, Writing yes. But my true passion lies in Spirituality...I'd love to be a Minister, but Christian churches frustrate me to no end. I want to be a Pagan...Minister, if that makes anysense. A Priestess, but that would involve a great deal of schooling...somewhere that I don't know of. Of course, I'd go in a heart beat, but then its dealing with the parents...and the rest of the family. Well, that shouldn't hold me back...its hard to remember not to feel guilty about those things. I just don't know where to begin! How does one become a Shaman? Is it personal schooling or do they go someplace to learn? Its not like there's an excessive amount of Shamans in the area to offer help. Maybe God's just waiting for me to make the decision...before Help comes along. Its hard to jump into something that you know so little about, and even less because you don't know where you're going, or what you're going to do to get to the place thats ahead in the dark...somewhere far far away. And yes, I'm scared. But I want to. Just to be a mentor, or a healer...seek higher enlightenment, write stories...write inspiring things to help people along their path in life, Christian, Pagan or whatever. Just helping people. Maybe being a teacher would be cool...I've always fancied being one of those too...since I was...like, 5. Teaching stuffed animals...haha. I just don't know.
...on an entirely different note, I'm thinking of cutting my hair really really short.
You know, I have no idea what to do with my future? Art Therapy was a lovely idea for one semester...and now, well, I just can't get excited about it...at all. In fact, I can't get excited about doing anything with art. My whole highschool career it was an obsession, and then suddenly poof! All passion for it gone, evaporated. And I don't even miss it really. Is that sad? I still don't think I have the type of talent that it takes to be sucessful in the art world. Doing fanart is fine and dandy, but it would never bring in money...and I hate the idea of doing art and getting paid. I like to do it for free, maybe because even if I poor over a picture for hours or days it still means nothing to me. Or, I like to think its generosity Haha. But it could very well mean that art holds nothing in my heart anymore. Even writing is more preferable in comparrison. Writing is still fun, and highly amusing...and then it can be serious and message giving. Art for me is so meaningless unless its for personal expression or to just draw Lucius snogging a very unhappy Snape out of pure amusement. Other then that, its...just...there. I've known for a long time that I'd never do anything with it, or go places with it...but now its really sinking in and I'm wondering what the hell is there left?
Well, Writing yes. But my true passion lies in Spirituality...I'd love to be a Minister, but Christian churches frustrate me to no end. I want to be a Pagan...Minister, if that makes anysense. A Priestess, but that would involve a great deal of schooling...somewhere that I don't know of. Of course, I'd go in a heart beat, but then its dealing with the parents...and the rest of the family. Well, that shouldn't hold me back...its hard to remember not to feel guilty about those things. I just don't know where to begin! How does one become a Shaman? Is it personal schooling or do they go someplace to learn? Its not like there's an excessive amount of Shamans in the area to offer help. Maybe God's just waiting for me to make the decision...before Help comes along. Its hard to jump into something that you know so little about, and even less because you don't know where you're going, or what you're going to do to get to the place thats ahead in the dark...somewhere far far away. And yes, I'm scared. But I want to. Just to be a mentor, or a healer...seek higher enlightenment, write stories...write inspiring things to help people along their path in life, Christian, Pagan or whatever. Just helping people. Maybe being a teacher would be cool...I've always fancied being one of those too...since I was...like, 5. Teaching stuffed animals...haha. I just don't know.
...on an entirely different note, I'm thinking of cutting my hair really really short.