(no subject)

[rosemary_beth]

My head is confused. My head is stopping my heart from doing what it wants to do, which I think is probably a good thing. I know what I want, unfortunately, that has be the case with both parties before it can happen. And when you don't even know an inkling of what the other party is thinking it makes it pretty hard to figure things out. The musical is over this week, hopefully this will mean that we can get somethings straightened out----whether it be for good or bad. But something has to be done, there is no option here. It would be so wonderful to just be able to be with a person and not have all this other crap that you have to think about. Sadly, that is not an option. I feel like my friends are disapointed in me because I can't/won't view the things that are happening the same way as they do, and it makes me sad. I don't want them to feel like this is a bad thing for me, and I don't want them to feel like I can't figure things out. I just don't want to think the worst of every situation anymore. I tried that and it doesn't make me a happy person, I realize that things might not go the way that I want them to, but I'm not counting on the fact that they will. I know that they are here for me, and will listen to me moan and complain about everything, and I like that. It's nice to have them to do that with, I don't know what I'd do if they weren't here. It would be rough that's for sure. I don't want to talk about anything anymore, it seems like it's all been talked to death and to keep beating it over and over doesn't really do any good.

I can't focus on anything right now, my mind is only thinking about one thing, and I don't want it to. I want to be like "head, you listen here, stop thinking about the same thing over and over."---it probably wouldn't work anyways. I wasn't going to go to class, but I guess I should.