Respect Yourself...
There's an image that's been popping up on Facebook and Pinterest lately that has me pondering this morning. The quote is, "Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy."
I hate it.
I can see the good idea behind it. I know what it's trying to say, and the terrible situations that it's trying to encourage women to get out of. It is aimed directly at women, and perhaps there is a need for more women to hear the message behind it.
But as a motto in life for a person with a generally healthy lifestyle? It's not respect, it's selfishness. If you are in a friendship or a marriage or a job that is causing you physical or mental harm, then yes, you need to consider walking away. But to look at everything in terms of what you are getting out of it is selfish. I know the "or" makes it easier to read it in terms of respect, but still. There are times when my teaching job was not serving me, growing me, or making me happy, but I was committed to it. It was my vocation. It was not my job to consider how my job was serving me, but to consider how I was serving others through my work. My husband is amazing, but he has his days when he is not serving me. Sometimes those days coincide with days when he is not making me happy, and I doubt I'm growing much through my grumpy fog. But it's not time to walk away. I'm committed. My daughter brings an amazing amount of joy to my life, and I have grown so much as her mother. But there are times when no matter how hard I try, if I'm looking for what I'm getting out of it, I can't find a thing.
I think that's what bugs me about this most. Maybe selfish isn't the right word, but it's certainly self-centered. If we examine everything based on what it does for us, it is so much easier to see the faults and the failings of others and the sacrifices of ourselves. If we examine things from the perspective of what we can do to serve others through that relationship or that job or whatever, it's so much easier to see the growth and the joy when it happens.
Respect yourself enough to know the limits of what you can bring to the table, maybe. Respect yourself enough to draw the line at abuse. But otherwise? Respect yourself enough to see what you can do for others. Respect yourself enough to honor your commitments. Respect yourself enough to stay where you are and see the blessing you can be.
/end soapbox
I hate it.
I can see the good idea behind it. I know what it's trying to say, and the terrible situations that it's trying to encourage women to get out of. It is aimed directly at women, and perhaps there is a need for more women to hear the message behind it.
But as a motto in life for a person with a generally healthy lifestyle? It's not respect, it's selfishness. If you are in a friendship or a marriage or a job that is causing you physical or mental harm, then yes, you need to consider walking away. But to look at everything in terms of what you are getting out of it is selfish. I know the "or" makes it easier to read it in terms of respect, but still. There are times when my teaching job was not serving me, growing me, or making me happy, but I was committed to it. It was my vocation. It was not my job to consider how my job was serving me, but to consider how I was serving others through my work. My husband is amazing, but he has his days when he is not serving me. Sometimes those days coincide with days when he is not making me happy, and I doubt I'm growing much through my grumpy fog. But it's not time to walk away. I'm committed. My daughter brings an amazing amount of joy to my life, and I have grown so much as her mother. But there are times when no matter how hard I try, if I'm looking for what I'm getting out of it, I can't find a thing.
I think that's what bugs me about this most. Maybe selfish isn't the right word, but it's certainly self-centered. If we examine everything based on what it does for us, it is so much easier to see the faults and the failings of others and the sacrifices of ourselves. If we examine things from the perspective of what we can do to serve others through that relationship or that job or whatever, it's so much easier to see the growth and the joy when it happens.
Respect yourself enough to know the limits of what you can bring to the table, maybe. Respect yourself enough to draw the line at abuse. But otherwise? Respect yourself enough to see what you can do for others. Respect yourself enough to honor your commitments. Respect yourself enough to stay where you are and see the blessing you can be.
/end soapbox