Superlatives rant.
These senior superlatives get the better of everyone. Not going to lie, I'm into them too, it would mean a lot to me to be voted Headed for Hollywood aka the stupid nickname for Class Actress. But they're making a lot of people bitchy and vindictive and snobby... frankly, I just don't need it right now. In a perfect world, they'd be a real representation of the class of 2006 and the people that deserve them all would get them. But then, this is CLEARLY not a perfect world.
In talking with someone, I realized that what was distressing me so much about these awards and my "campaign" for one that I feel I deserve, was not the senior superlative itself. It's a picture in the yearbook. Nice all the same, but that's it. It's the fact that it's a popularity contest - it's who has the most friends they can get to vote for them. I hate popularity contests with a passion, even if I were to end up winning, I hate the way it makes everyone feel and act. Admittedly, I have an internal struggle with popularity contests that dates back. You know how something upsets you a lot, and you think about it and say, "This is not that significant, why am I so upset?" and you realize that it's not the thing itself that's upsetting, but the struggles or bad memories it brings up?
I don't know how many people know about the struggle I had in elementary and middle school and even in the beginning of high school. When I was younger, I used to cry because I felt like I didn't have any friends (sure, I had acquaintances, but not the same) and I felt like no one really liked me that much. And I'd cry often. Over the years, I've cultivated some fantastic friendships I wouldn't trade for the world, but even still sometimes I feel like I have those 3 or 4 close friends and nothing else substantial. Everyone wants to feel accepted and loved. And even though rationally I am confident in who I am and my place in the hierarchy that is high school, sometimes my irrational emotions get the better of me and it brings me to light tears. Acceptance has always been a truly gray area for me, a sensitive area. I need that feeling of reinforcement.
This is like cast lists for shows: I don't have issues with losing, or not getting the role I want. I don't. I get pissed when someone undeserving beats me out, but only if they're undeserving... if they are better than me and deserved what they got I will be the first one to acknowledge that and congratulate them. I'm certainly not saying I'm the only one who may deserve this title, but you can be sure the one who tells more friends to vote for them will come out on top.
I'm feeling like, once again, like I always have been, I will be snubbed by popularity... popularity will, like always, dictate.
And that's life. But it's hard medicine to swallow after my difficulties with security in that area of my life.
In other news, I'm a mental mess right now.
In talking with someone, I realized that what was distressing me so much about these awards and my "campaign" for one that I feel I deserve, was not the senior superlative itself. It's a picture in the yearbook. Nice all the same, but that's it. It's the fact that it's a popularity contest - it's who has the most friends they can get to vote for them. I hate popularity contests with a passion, even if I were to end up winning, I hate the way it makes everyone feel and act. Admittedly, I have an internal struggle with popularity contests that dates back. You know how something upsets you a lot, and you think about it and say, "This is not that significant, why am I so upset?" and you realize that it's not the thing itself that's upsetting, but the struggles or bad memories it brings up?
I don't know how many people know about the struggle I had in elementary and middle school and even in the beginning of high school. When I was younger, I used to cry because I felt like I didn't have any friends (sure, I had acquaintances, but not the same) and I felt like no one really liked me that much. And I'd cry often. Over the years, I've cultivated some fantastic friendships I wouldn't trade for the world, but even still sometimes I feel like I have those 3 or 4 close friends and nothing else substantial. Everyone wants to feel accepted and loved. And even though rationally I am confident in who I am and my place in the hierarchy that is high school, sometimes my irrational emotions get the better of me and it brings me to light tears. Acceptance has always been a truly gray area for me, a sensitive area. I need that feeling of reinforcement.
This is like cast lists for shows: I don't have issues with losing, or not getting the role I want. I don't. I get pissed when someone undeserving beats me out, but only if they're undeserving... if they are better than me and deserved what they got I will be the first one to acknowledge that and congratulate them. I'm certainly not saying I'm the only one who may deserve this title, but you can be sure the one who tells more friends to vote for them will come out on top.
I'm feeling like, once again, like I always have been, I will be snubbed by popularity... popularity will, like always, dictate.
And that's life. But it's hard medicine to swallow after my difficulties with security in that area of my life.
In other news, I'm a mental mess right now.