Happy Birthday onewingedhyu
It's a little late, but here's a birthday ficlet for you. I'm afraid it turned out quite angsty, but I do hope you enjoy it.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black
Warnings: Mention of (canon) violence
Spoilers: To Prisoner of Azkaban
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Pioneer Entertainment, and others own these characters. I do not. No copyright infringement intended or implied.
Upon Hearing the Reports
The news put Remus into a desperation that almost made him welcome the oblivion of the full moon.
Betrayal and mass murder were far from what anyone had known of Sirius, so no one would wonder why he was devastated.
But he had known more than anyone; had thought he actually had some grasp of the dark and private Sirius Black.
The Marauders had been about more than tricks and fun, more than jokes on teachers and a few unfortunate students. But Remus and Sirius had had even more than that, eventually, and the worst of curses didn't compare to the feeling of having this man turn out to be the nameless one's servant.
As if trying to maximize his personal share of pain his mind kept flashing back to the first evening Sirius had come to him alone, just before he left Hogwarts, on yet another night when he woke in the Shrieking Shack to finally see the moon waning.
"My dear Moony..." he had begun, then gone silent and merely walked slowly toward him.
Remus had already been nervous, at the new and intimate look on his face, but when Sirius reached to embrace him he was certain this was something beyond friendly camaraderie.
He didn't stop to think whether Sirius had finally realized Remus' long-held feelings or was just being his intense self, wanting something of his own. And it didn't matter. Sirius kissed him then and he returned the kiss with a combination of relief and joy.
He had been afraid to speak, not only during the acts that followed but even afterwards. Not because there was no need for words. For those forced to be voiceless there is always a need for words. But he had not quite enough security, even in his own identity, to tell Black of love using more than his body. So he lay there with his head pillowed on the other man's chest and wondered if something could ruin this.
It was Sirius who spoke finally. "Feeling all right then? Should I have waited for you to recover further?"
Remus shook his head. "I'm fine... a little surprised perhaps?" He laughed uncertainly.
"Surprised? By me? Did I not turn myself into a dog to run with a wolf?"
This was literally untrue, as Remus spent his wolf-time shut in this very shack.
"It's not the same, though. You and the rest are humans who can pull an impressive form-changing trick. I'm a monster."
"Part of the time," replied Sirius.
"There's no such thing... one is human or one isn't." But Remus stopped arguing, kissed the other man's shoulder and fell silent.
They were neither of them ready to seek complete fulfillment in each other, if anyone ever can, but they were in love, and were from time to time happy.
The news to the others was a nightmare of a family destroyed, a street filled with blood and little Peter's finger in a box, but to Remus it was beyond death.
He often dreamed that he went to Azkaban and fought the dementors. Did a wolf have a soul to lose to them? Did a werewolf? In the dream he dragged Sirius from his cell, but then he always woke up.
What would he do, if he had Sirius alone again? Try to destroy him? Cause him pain on behalf of Lily, James, and the nameless dead muggles? Ask him a question that could have no real answer?
What he didn't admit was what he could not: That there was a tiny unmentionable part of him that admitted everything, but still simply wanted to have his lover back.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black
Warnings: Mention of (canon) violence
Spoilers: To Prisoner of Azkaban
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Pioneer Entertainment, and others own these characters. I do not. No copyright infringement intended or implied.
Upon Hearing the Reports
The news put Remus into a desperation that almost made him welcome the oblivion of the full moon.
Betrayal and mass murder were far from what anyone had known of Sirius, so no one would wonder why he was devastated.
But he had known more than anyone; had thought he actually had some grasp of the dark and private Sirius Black.
The Marauders had been about more than tricks and fun, more than jokes on teachers and a few unfortunate students. But Remus and Sirius had had even more than that, eventually, and the worst of curses didn't compare to the feeling of having this man turn out to be the nameless one's servant.
As if trying to maximize his personal share of pain his mind kept flashing back to the first evening Sirius had come to him alone, just before he left Hogwarts, on yet another night when he woke in the Shrieking Shack to finally see the moon waning.
"My dear Moony..." he had begun, then gone silent and merely walked slowly toward him.
Remus had already been nervous, at the new and intimate look on his face, but when Sirius reached to embrace him he was certain this was something beyond friendly camaraderie.
He didn't stop to think whether Sirius had finally realized Remus' long-held feelings or was just being his intense self, wanting something of his own. And it didn't matter. Sirius kissed him then and he returned the kiss with a combination of relief and joy.
He had been afraid to speak, not only during the acts that followed but even afterwards. Not because there was no need for words. For those forced to be voiceless there is always a need for words. But he had not quite enough security, even in his own identity, to tell Black of love using more than his body. So he lay there with his head pillowed on the other man's chest and wondered if something could ruin this.
It was Sirius who spoke finally. "Feeling all right then? Should I have waited for you to recover further?"
Remus shook his head. "I'm fine... a little surprised perhaps?" He laughed uncertainly.
"Surprised? By me? Did I not turn myself into a dog to run with a wolf?"
This was literally untrue, as Remus spent his wolf-time shut in this very shack.
"It's not the same, though. You and the rest are humans who can pull an impressive form-changing trick. I'm a monster."
"Part of the time," replied Sirius.
"There's no such thing... one is human or one isn't." But Remus stopped arguing, kissed the other man's shoulder and fell silent.
They were neither of them ready to seek complete fulfillment in each other, if anyone ever can, but they were in love, and were from time to time happy.
The news to the others was a nightmare of a family destroyed, a street filled with blood and little Peter's finger in a box, but to Remus it was beyond death.
He often dreamed that he went to Azkaban and fought the dementors. Did a wolf have a soul to lose to them? Did a werewolf? In the dream he dragged Sirius from his cell, but then he always woke up.
What would he do, if he had Sirius alone again? Try to destroy him? Cause him pain on behalf of Lily, James, and the nameless dead muggles? Ask him a question that could have no real answer?
What he didn't admit was what he could not: That there was a tiny unmentionable part of him that admitted everything, but still simply wanted to have his lover back.