More letting go

[rosegardenfae]

Last night the husband was an absolute ass. He didn't have his teeth in and I couldn't understand him and apparently I came across as sounding hateful. Even as I tried to explain he clammed up and left the room and then our daughter says I was hateful when I was just trying to figure out the gist of it all. Once again I wonder if I can or should

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

Ah! I hope you feel better soon.

I think it is very, very, very difficult to share an intimate space with someone one feels ambivalent toward -- because it means you can't every truly let your guard down and relax.

On the other hand, I'm imagining that you and I are approximately the same age and that at our age, changes can be really disruptive: We don't have that psychic elasticity anymore. Plus, I'm assuming the property is in both your names, and you love the property.

When your daughter's house is finally done, will it be just you and the husband in your house? That could be problematic for you.

[rosegardenfae]

We just may be near the same age, I was born in '46.

Should have left years ago and did try a couple of times. And now its really too late, kids, gkids, ggkids...we're all bound tightly and to remove myself from the mix would cause certain collapse. I would crumble under the resulting guilt, so remain suffocated by the weight of holding it up.

And, yes when she moves, we'll be together but alone. But it was that way before she came back home and easier to stay away from each other when I can move back to the secluded end of the house.

I do love the property, my gardens especially...my heart is planted deep on this hilltop. Que sera eh?

[mallorys_camera]

You're a few years older than I am. But not much. :-)

Do you like to read? I'm thinking you might love Alice Munro.

[rosegardenfae]

I'm a bit older than the hippies around here, but still living the counterculture lifestyle, even though I did eventually go to college never had a career unless I can count following the Dead and selling tie dyes.

I read incessantly, but never Alice Munro. I'm not much for short stories which may be why, but will check her out, always hungry for new authors.

[gracegiver]

Is it possible you could move into your own space? Renting a room in someone's house, for instance? Or a studio apartment, something near by the farm and husband.

[rosegardenfae]

If only...not enough $$$$...retirement from being a homemaker doesnt pay much :-(

[faunhaert]

sigh,
I'd probably go in and paint it
it is rather satisfying when you get to that part.
a collapsing pole is a marvelous thing
you can get to all sorts of points
and if you paint the walls and ceiling you don't have to
worry about the edges.

with M if his blood sugar is down
his evil twin comes out,
so I bring him food even if he thinks he's not hungry.
2 nights ago it actually stopped him from being bloated?
and oh I guess I needed to eat!
duh

It does get hard to remember at time
why one forms a partnership
its when M's "expectations" rear from being a kid
that it can be miserable life just isn't what
he expected. can't be.

[rosegardenfae]

At least he does have a good side, i just waited too long to leave

[earthmother45]

Gentle ((hugs)) my friend. Thinking of you.....

[rosegardenfae]

Aw thanks, you're a sweetheart.

[siglinde99]

I'm sorry. Living separate lives in a shared space isn't pleasant, but hopefully it will be more bearable when it is just the two of you again. Hugs!

[rosegardenfae]

The change in dynamics will help for sure. Our daughter is more like her father than me, unbalanced odds.