Matt/Karen: setting you up for a fall
Title: setting you up for a fall
Pairing: Matt/Karen RPF, as per normal
Rating: T/pg-13 for swearing and discussion of mature themes? IDK
Word Count: 4046 (o.O)
A.N: Sort-of based on the recent Almeria candids, because they gave me all of the happy feels, and an instant headcanon was born. It kind of...mutated...though.
A.N 2: The premise is probably rather obvious (but I'm still severely disappointed in the lack of Luke-Laura-Lester-and-the-baby recognition) but, hey - a prize (note; no actual prize) for first person to identify which story/book/film/thing I am paying homage to!
Quick note - The split from Daisy is mentioned once, briefly, I don't usually like to involve IRL relationships but it was quicker than establishing a made-up one.
One last thing (yeah, these notes are getting out of control again, sorry) - an ADDED prize for recognition of the line lifted from the best scene to have ever happened Glee.
For the third time in as many hours, Matt picked up the phone and dialled his best friend’s number, staring at his reflection in the hotel room’s slightly-dingy window and wondering what the hell he was thinking,
Karen picked up on the second ring, and Matt could almost hear her roll her eyes. “Hi, Matt...”
“Karen, why am I doing this again?”
“Matt, we’ve been over this...”
“I know, I know, but just - remind me?”
“Because...” Matt heard a slight creak on the other end of the line, and thought Karen must be sitting down on the too-low, ridiculously soft, hotel bed that mirrored his own. “Because we are in Spain for three more days and then we’ll be back in Cardiff for months on end, with no free time ever, and you really need to go out and have some fun.”
“Oh, come on, Cardiff’s not that bad-“
“No, I know, I know,” Karen giggled slightly. “But. You know. Holed up in Upper Boat with the same faces every single day, not exactly conductive to going out, meeting strangers, having a bit of fun now you’re out of the relationship.”
“So that’s what this is about,” Matt mocked her. “You’re pimping me out, Gillan.”
She laughed at that, but Matt thought he heard the guilt of someone who’d been caught red-handed. “That is completely up to you and Cristina, okay?” Karen sounded vaguely disgusted. “I won’t even want to know about it tomorrow morning, but... Well. If you do happen to wake up in her flat, there’s not exactly a big problem, right? We’ll be leaving the day after that.
“What makes you think I’d even want to-“ Matt started, but once again Karen pushed past his feeble protests.
“Honestly, Matt, you’re my best friend,” she reminded him slightly sardonically. “I know you well enough. Not to be gross or anything, but god you sound like you could do with a good shag sometimes.”
Matt’s mouth was suddenly dry. “W...hat?”
“Oh, you know what I mean,” Karen sounded like she was blushing furiously. “You’ve been single for, what, nearly six months? And by my estimation not one fling in all that time. Live a little, Matt!”
“Yes, but-“ Matt tried to interrupt, but Karen was pressing on regardless.
“But nothing! Look, you’ve been in a bit of a funk since - you know-“
“Since Daisy and I broke up, yes, Karen, it’s not a taboo,” Matt forced a laugh, wincing internally at how horribly jovial he sounded.
“Since that, yeah,” Karen agreed, and then paused; when she continued, her voice was softer, more coaxing. “Come on, Matt, Cristina’s a good mate, she’s really nice and chatty and pretty, you’ll get on fine.”
“What if I don’t know what to say, though?”
“Rubbish!” Karen’s tone was confident, firm. “You don’t have to discuss the universe with her, Matt, just go out, get some tapas and drinks and talk about how different life in Spain is to life in England...”
“Ugh, boring-“
“Then talk about whatever you want!” Karen sounded positively exasperated now, and Matt couldn’t blame her; they’d had the exact same conversation three times today already. “Seriously, Matt.”
“I just...I dunno, maybe I shouldn’t be going on dates or anything yet, I mean, it’s not been that long and she’ll probably end up thinking I’m really weird and boring-“
“Matt, no she won’t!”
“How do you know, though?”
“Because I know Cristina, idiot,” Karen laughed. “We used to be really, really, good friends, and she was always up for a laugh, I’ve missed her since she moved out here, actually, it was brilliant to catch up the other day...”
“Hey!” Matt interrupted her with a new idea. “You should go instead! Gives you and her more time to catch up before we fly home again!”
Karen snorted. “Nice try, Matt, but I promised Cristina a date with my admittedly not unfanciable best friend, and a date with my admittedly not unfanciable best friend is what she’ll get.”
“Not unfanciable...?” Matt propped, grinning despite the anxious knot in his chest.
“No, not unfanciable, Matt, now stop fishing and keep getting ready. You know you’re meeting her in an hour, right?”
“Kaz, I don’t think I can...”
“Yes, you can, Matt, now please, for the love of god at least take a shower and put on a clean t-shirt, okay?”
“Can’t you come with me...?”
“What, and be the awkward-third-wheel-slash-your-wingman-slash-her-wingman-slash-obnoxious-over-eater? No thanks.”
“You’re not awkward,” Matt said quietly. “Or obnoxious. Why on earth would you think that?”
Karen paused for a moment, and Matt cursed his unthinking blabbermouth; he always ended up with the awkward silences, somehow. Especially with her.
“Well, thanks, I think,” Karen said eventually, bemused. “But seriously, Matt, it’d be weird.”
“What if there was another bloke?”
“Eh?”
“What if there was another bloke,” Matt repeated, feeling hope bubble up through him; he was clutching at straws, he knew, but somehow he just couldn’t face two hours of awkward chit-chat with a girl he didn’t even know, all on his own.
“Well...”
Matt couldn’t believe it. She was considering it, she was really considering it; he had to take this chance before she found a reason to say no again. “Great,” he enthused, leaping to his feet and already flicking through his contacts book. “It’ll be like a double date, yeah? We’ll set each other up, and with any luck we’ll both pull.”
“One condition, though?”
“What - you’ll do it?” Matt could hardly believe his ears.
“Under one condition.”
“Anything, Kaz, I don’t care, god, thank you thank you thank you, you know I love you, right?”
“Don’t sound so happy,” Karen reminded him. “You were supposed to be looking forward to lunch-for-two with Cristina, not setting-up-Karen and lunch-for-four.”
“Sorry,” he said meekly. “What’s the condition.”
“Don’t make it some random bloke, okay? Not, like, your hair guy who I’ve talked to all of once, or one of those two scarily similar-looking Spanish runners. I need it to be someone you know I’ll be able to talk to.”
“So...no strangers off the street, then?”
“Matt!”
“Got it, yes, sorry.”
Karen laughed. “See you in forty-five minutes in the foyer?”
“Will do, and Kaz?”
“Yeah?”
“At least try to look human, okay? I’m picking you out the perfect date here, the least you can do is make an effort.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
-x-
“I really do hate you, you know.”
“No, you don’t!”
“Seriously, though?”
“What...? You said no strangers!”
“Yes but I didn’t say my other best friend!”
“He’s not a stranger!”
“He’s my best friend, that’s not even worse in any way or shape or form....”
“C’mon, Karen, who else was it gonna be? I don’t have any random ex-classmates hiding in Almeria, you know, it was always gonna be someone from Who.”
“But..seriously, you couldn’t think of anyone else?”
“Okay, okay, but come on, let’s just...”
“Arthur, though!”
“Karen...”
Arthur raised his eyebrows slightly at Cristina, and nodded his head subtly over at the furiously-whispering couple on the other side of the plaza. “You know,” he remarked, helping himself to an olive. “I’m trying really hard not to feel insulted.”
Cristina laughed. “Don’t worry,” she told him, her accented English warm and light. “We’re in the same boat, I don’t think he’s so much as noticed I’m here yet.”
-x-
“So, Arthur,” Karen aimed her words at Matt like a dart. “Do tell me about your job, I’d simply love to hear more about it.”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Well, Karen,” he said indulgently. “I’m an actor.”
“Really? Gosh,” Karen exclaimed, her eyes fixed resolutely on Arthur but every syllable spoken directly for Matt’s benefit. “That’s very brave of you, can’t be an easy life...”
“Actually, I’ve been quite lucky, I guess,” Arthur suppressed a need to roll his eyes at Cristina, who was looking distinctly uncomfortable. “I’m working on a TV thing at the moment, and it’s going quite well...Pity about the co-stars, but, you know, it’s all right.”
“Oh, look!” Matt jumped in before Karen could glare him to death sideways. “Food’s here!”
-x-
“Err, Cristina, you’re a....singer, did you say?” Matt, after taking several kicks to the shin courtesy of Karen, had taken the hint and was making another effort to embroil his date in some form of conversation.
“Yes,that’s right,” she replied, looking faintly surprised that he had been paying even that much attention to her. “I mean, I’m working as an art teacher right now, but singing - writing songs, too - it’s what I want to do.”
“What...” Matt paused for a moment, casting about for a suitable question, while Arthur and Karen kept a studiously unobtrusive silence. “What do you write about?”
“Love,” Cristina smiled bashfully. “Finding someone special.”
Matt tried not to roll his eyes. Of course she wrote songs about love and soul mates while supporting herself by teaching art; of course she did. Still, he was polite. “Really? You believe in all that, then, the one true love that everyone has?”
“Oh, god, yes,” Cristina said immediately, looking almost affronted. “Don’t you?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted with a wry grin. “Seems awfully risky, putting all your eggs in one basket sort of thing.”
“Don’t you think it’d be worth it, though? You know, finding the person you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life and just thinking, ‘oh - there you are.’ That feeling you get, when you just know that they’re the one? ”
“Well, and then what?” Matt hadn’t realised how grouchy he sounded. “You find them, there they are, you know, then what?”
“You never let them slip away,” Cristina said with a wistful smile. “You just... you exist together, you know, like in the songs. Let every time you breathe in be every time I breathe out, all that.”
“Wait - what?” Suddenly, Arthur was leaning forwards again, his attention focused solely on the conversation he had apparently not been listening to at all. “What did you just say?”
“About...love?” Cristina stammered, confused. “Finding someone?”
“No, but - the song -“Arthur was staring at her. “Edmund, right?”
“Yes, that’s right!” Cristina looked beside herself. “Wow, I can’t believe you’ve heard of them, no one I know listens to Edmund...”
“But, you don’t understand,” Arthur laughed. “I wrote that song. Edmund is my band.”
“...You’re kidding.”
“No, really! That is honest-to-god the first time ever someone has accidentally quoted my songs at me.”
“You’re really serious, you’re Arthur from Edmund?”
“Cristina, I am not kidding,” Arthur told her, half-laughing in disbelief at the surreal situation. Cristine laughed too, a little breathlessly; Matt chanced a sideways look at Karen, and was glad to see she was biting back a smirk rather than a scowl.
-x-
After lunch, the four of them made their way back outside. The March air was cool and crisp, and for a while it was nice to walk in silence, each lost to their own thoughts.
“Karen, look at these!” Cristina tugged on Karen’s sleeve, bringing her to a stand still outside a lit-up shoe shop. Karen rolled her eyes, but obediently waited until Matt and Arthur had walked around a corner.
“Well?”
Cristina looked a little guilty. “I had a really nice evening...”she began uncertainly. “And, you know it’s always lovely to see you...”
“...but you’re not going to go on somewhere with Matt,” Karen finished her sentence for her. “Or ring him when you’re next in England.”
“I...No...”
“It’s fine, honestly,” Karen said quickly. “I’m just glad he left the hotel for once, I swear he’s done nothing but work or stay in and watch TV for months.”
“Sorry...” Cristina mumbled, a little shame-faced.
“Don’t be!” Karen laughed a little too loudly; yes, she was fine, she was absolutely fine with the date not working out - but somehow, she was a little irritated too. What was wrong with Matt? Why on earth didn’t Cristina want to take him back to her flat right now and have wildly passionate three-in-the-afternoon sex with him? Karen couldn’t help but feel empathetically wounded for him; she was slightly indignant at Cristina’s blatant blindness when it came to dating.
So busy was Karen nursing a second-hand rejection, she hardly heard Cristina’s next question. “Sorry, what?”
“I said, what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Well, how did your half of the date go?”
“Oh come off it, Cristina,” Karen laughed. “Arthur’s a good mate, sure, but I dunno what Matt was thinking. It was just a question of making up the numbers, I guess.”
“Well, good, that’s what I thought,” Cristina sounded relieved. “It’s just...”
Karen waited while the pause stretched on, then nodded encouragingly at her friend.
“Well...?”
“If you’re not going to go out with him again, do you think it’d be in really bad taste if I did?” The words spilled out of Cristina in a mad rush, and now Karen was definitely insulted on Matt’s behalf; choose Arthur over Matt? How dare she, Karen had never thought her all that clever anyway, she was clearly delusional...
“...Yeah, of course you should talk to him!” She said, too enthusiastically. “I’ll talk to Matt if you want, but seriously, don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine with it.”
-x-
Matt and Arthur had come to a standstill back in the main plaza, waiting slightly awkwardly for the women to catch them up again.
“So, Matt-“ Arthur began. “What’d you think?”
“Cristina?” Matt wrinkled his nose slightly, and shook his head a little. “Afraid not, no - I dunno, no spark, I guess.”
“You didn’t like her?”
“No , no!” Matt hurried to correct Arthur; these things could get back to Karen after all. “She seemed lovely, we got on fine, I just didn’t fancy her, really. And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like me all that much either.”
“Mmm,” Arthur nodded pensively.
Matt weighed his next words carefully, before diving in. “How about you, though?”
“What - me and Karen?” Arthur almost laughed. Almost. (And Matt could have almost punched him for that dismissive laugh, the bastard.) “Seriously, Matt?”
“What’s wrong with her?” he retorted, his ears suddenly warm. “I know you love her, she’s a great friend, and you know she’s kind of been a bit lonely about being single recently, she’s funny, she’s a laugh, gorgeous, too... Why not give it a go?“
Arthur started at Matt for a moment, apparently speechless. “You hear yourself, Matt?” He said finally, shaking his head in amazement.
“Oh, come on, Arthur!” Matt didn’t know why he suddenly had to prove a point - why Karen’s inherent fanciableness was something he felt he needed to defend - but he did. Arthur was a prick for not even considering going out with her seriously, or maybe he was just stupid - yes, that was it, thick as two short planks, he was. Couldn’t even see what was right in front of him; an amazing woman, one of his closest friends, who was ridiculously stunning and ridiculously goofy, who’d most probably never make it awkward moving from friends to dating.
Really, Arthur was being deliberately obtuse.
“What’s holding you back, though?” He tried again, looking at Arthur with an expectant nod.
“You. Are asking me...” Arthur began, disbelief still dripping from every syllable. “What’s holding me back from going out. With Karen,”
Again with the dismissive tone; Matt felt a stab of indignant anger on Karen’s behalf. “Yes, Karen!” he almost snapped. “Seriously, Arthur, what exactly is wrong with her?”
“Nothing, nothing,” Arthur said calmingly. “I suppose I’m just...worried...about how awkward it would make things in our little group.”
“Aw, come on, you know Karen would never make it awkward between the two of you-“
“Oh look, here they are!” Arthur turned abruptly away, but not before Matt heard his muttered “Not between the two of us, no.”
-x-
“Well, there you go,” Matt sunk onto the bench with a weary sigh. “I knew it. Completely unfanciable. My own friend stealing my date from me, too.”
“Yeah, well, it was worth a shot,” Karen grinned at him. “At least your best friend and date didn’t run off and ditch you for a better offer.”
“Best friend? Kaz! I’m insulted!”
“Shut up, second best friend, you know what I meant,” Karen bumped her knee gently against his.
“That’s better.”
“I guess the plan didn’t work, huh?”
“What plan?”
Karen laughed a little wistfully. “They we’ll both pull plan.”
“It was a stupid plan to begin with, Karen,” he told her.
“May I remind you it was your plan?”
“Shut up, the plan was brilliant, Arthur and Cristina just ruined it for us to be spiteful.”
“’Course, yeah.”
A comfortable silence fell as they looked out across the half-deserted park; for a while, Matt just let his head be empty. He watched a couple of kids run towards the swing set, and smile dfaintly at their joyful shouts.
“You’re not, though,” Karen said suddenly, tearing him out of his blank state.
“Eh?”
“Not,” she muttered. “Completely unfanciable. Don’t know what Cristina was thinking.”
“Oh. Well,” Matt cleared his throat, and busied himself by unbuttoning his jacket; the March sunshine, he decided, was far too strong all of a sudden. “Thanks?”
“Welcome,” Karen said, her voice holding back a laugh.
“Anyway, I for one think Arthur must be concussed,” Matt said quickly, and he wasn’t entirely sure why. “Cristina’s dead boring compared to you.”
“Thanks, I’ll tell her you said that, shall I?”
“Ugly, too,” He pressed on.
“Matt, she used to be a model, I don’t think ‘ugly’ is the right word to use-“
“Yeah, so? You were a model, too, Kaz! Christ, you only gave up ‘cos you were bored, anyway. Didn’t you tell me Cristina moved out here to work for Spanish Vogue? Now look at her! Teaching finger painting to five-year-olds and writing woefully indie songs about true love.”
“Bloody hell, Matt,” Karen raised her eyebrows. “Vicious, much? Remind me to never get on your bad side.”
“Don’t worry,” he said softly, looking down at his hands; which was ridiculous, he wasn’t embarrassed in front of Karen, that would be absurd. No, he was checking his nails for tears, obviously, god, the Spanish air was so dry, no wonder his fingers were all creased and horrible. “I’d never have the guts to bitch about you, Gillan, don’t worry.”
“Right, good, then?” Karen’s hands, too, were knotted in her lap; they were flawless as ever, of course, which wasn’t exactly fair; Matt knew she didn’t spend that much time specifically on her fingernails, but somehow they just...stayed perfect, while he felt more and more like a walking, talking troll in comparison, every day he came to work.
-x-
“Hey,” Karen said slowly, looking out at the plaza below them. “You know what would really piss Arthur and Cristina off right now?”
“Eh?” They’d climbed to the top of the church tower, god knows why, Karen had somehow persuaded him it was a good idea, and now here they were. “What do you mean?”
“Well, they both pulled-“
“What, you think they really-?”
“Shut up, Matt, don’t be childish. They both got lucky out of our double date, right? And we both didn’t.”
“Yes, thank you for reminding me...”
“So what we should do...” Karen continued, waving away his aside with one hand. “Is actually both pull.”
“....What.”
“Come on! We’ll drive to some other city, right? And find all the night clubs, and you’ll find the gorgeous girl of the night, and I’ll find a hot Spaniard with a flat and a hot tub all to himself, and we’ll compare notes tomorrow. “
Matt let out a low whistle. “Not a bad idea,” he admitted, although actually (and he didn’t know why) it was a stupid plan, it was the worst idea anyone had ever had, ever, why would Karen want to go off and sleep with some prick of a Spaniard who had a hot tub for Christ’s sake?
“So...?”
“So ...” Matt gave himself a shake, and sprung into action. “So let’s go! Come on, bus station’s this way.”
They raced each other down the narrow church tower steps, jostling for space, and emerged, blinking, into the sunlight.
-x-
“Matt!” The music was almost too loud for Karen to hear her own words, but she managed to fight her way through the pulsating crowd and slam her hands against his chest.
“What is it? Oh - Kaz- scusi, signora, no, that’s Italian, shit, anyway, I’ll be right back,” He told the girl he’d been practically sitting on, and followed Karen out into the night air. “’Sup, Karen? Was kinda talking to someone.”
Karen shook her arms, infinitely riled up and aggravated with Matt for some reason; she had wanted to talk to him, yes, but suddenly all she wanted to do was to get away from him.
“I don’t like her,” she settled on, finally. “And I don’t think you should fuck her. And now I’m going back inside.”
“No - hang on, Kaz!” He grabbed her hand, why was he holding her hand? He was holding her hand. “You can’t just tell me who to talk to you!”
“Yeah, but she’s not right for you, Matt...” Karen half-turned away again, loath to get into this discussion.
“Who says?”
“Me says!”
“Okay, then, Kaz, if you’re so bloody clever, tell me this,” he told her, gesturing vaguely back in at the dance floor. “Which one should I talk to, then? Hmm?”
“What?”
“You heard me, pick me someone and I’ll go chat her up!”
“I...” This was a stupid game, and Karen let the pause go on for far too long; there was a sort of roaring in her ears, though, and it was rooting her to the spot. The anger and irritation doubled, trebled, increased exponentially with every girl she looked at - they were all rubbish, they weren’t right or Matt, none of them, not at all. Why, though? God, this was infuriating, why couldn’t she just point him at some girl and then go off and have some fun of her own? Why, why, why? “....None of them.”
“Right, then, clearly, you shouldn’t be making these decisions for me, now if you’ll excuse me-“
But Karen was shaking her head mutely, pulling him back outside. The roaring in her ears was drowning everything else out for good, and it was telling her stupid, stupid, stupid with every passing moment she let go by.
-x-
“Kaz, come on, what is this...?” Matt complained, crossing his arms and shivering slightly in the cold; Karen had dragged him right across the street and around a corner, and was now avoiding his eyes with an alarming determination.
“You know what would really piss off Arthur, though?”
“Sorry, what?”
“Arthur,” Karen repeated, staring at the spot just to the left of his left ear. “And Cristina, actually. They stole our dates. They ditched us. We didn’t pull.”
“Yeah,...Still lost, sorry Kaz.”
“I think,” Karen said slowly. “That we should steal their dates.”
Matt was suddenly warm all over, and he was somehow finding it difficult to see when his eyes were directed at Karen; he reached somewhat blindly for her waist, pulling her flush up against him.
“Yeah...” He breathed, and finally she was looking up at him. “It would properly show them, wouldn’t it?”
“Definitely,” And the word on her lips sounded more like a hiccup. An amazing, gorgeous, unbelievably gorgeous, hiccup.
“In fact,” Matt continued, while one hand snaked around her back and the other stroked against her hip through the endlessly annoying layers of coats and jumpers. “We should probably both pull, just to really make them mad.”
Yeah,” Karen nodded a little jerkily, raising her head a little - and her next words ghosted across his lips. “I think that sounds like the best plan either of us have had in ages.”
Oh god he was kissing her he was kissing Karen he was kissing his best friend and she was kissing him back oh my god Karen was kissing him back Karen Karen Karen yes -
At this point, Matt’s inner monologue gave up completely, and he felt the triumph of oh my god, finally, spread through him with a touch of oh, there you are.