How to Commission a Fantasy Picture
For a project, I've been looking at a lot of fantasy artwork, particularly that of female costumes. And while there is actually quite a bit of good artwork out there, standard fantasy art seems to be commissioned on a different basis. For people who want artwork like that, I give you the specifications you should use for the artist.
"OK, so for this female ranger on the cover, I want her to be lean and athletic, except she should have huge, really firm cone-shaped breasts. We're talking epic, fantasy-scale breasts. *gestures* See, like this, except more. No, LARGER! Great! Now for armor she should have a leather mini-bustier-bra thingie, so you can drown a hobbit in her cleavage, and can see her belly down to her hip joints at least. Did I mention we can tell it's chilly outside? Let's see...she should be wearing one of those loin-cloth-drapery things so we can tell she's had a bikini wax, but she should be wearing some more armor... armor up her shoulders - really big armor pads. You can also put some leather armor on her knee high boots with six-inch heels. Most important, she should be standing holding her bow, but twisted around so we can see both her ass and her breasts, twist more! And arch that back, yeah, that's right. Now give her something like, Liv Tyler lips, and an angry snarl-pout, like she can't decide whether she wants to kill you or do you, or both.
And oh yeah, make her an elf. And blond."
Not that I'm bitter or something, and yeah, you've heard it all before. I just think I need to take a break from bad gaming artwork.