Help please ? ;___;

[rosederwuste]

Okay... I need someone who can speak Japanese's help~~ D: Is someone capable of translating this text ?

１----- 「***チックに決めるぜｪｪｴ！」

２----- 策士（茄子＋月）　　　　（←機関ナンバーを計算してください）

Thank you very much in advance~~ ;____; !