lonely thoughts on a dreary day
I have decided that happiness has nothing to do with how other people feel about you. For a while I was judging how I felt about myself with how guys looked at me. Confidence was about how many stares I got driving down the road or how many smiles I saw in the mall. Something always was missing. I wanted to be complete, I wanted to fall in love and feel like I was worthy of love. Today, I thought about it, and realized that I am worthy. Why should I let others influence how good I feel about myself? If I continue doing this, I would never be happy. Of course I am self conscious, but I will no longer base the majority of how I feel on others. It is all about me…and for once being selfish isn’t a bad thing.
I haven’t written anything good in a while. I have so many stories in my head but I don’t know how to start any of them. There are so many things I want to say and want people to read right now. I just don’t know how to get them from my brain to the paper. There are so many things going on in the world that are disgusting, and there are so many things that are beautiful. I hear them all and am immediately affected by them all. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to laugh. But the only thing I can really do is sit and think about them…and want to write something inspirational and something that changes the world. And I can’t help but think that changing the world won’t take as much as people think…but at the same time…I wonder why it is so hard to put on paper the feelings about it in my heart.
Like all good things, this takes time. My creative juices are flowing, and when that spark hits me, something will start.
On another note, there is a man every Tuesday and Thursday when I sit at BSC and do work before math that is always here. He sits and eats a medium size bag of lays chips, and chomps as If he hasn’t eaten anything for days. He licks the grease and salt off his fingers and his bag crinkles and it repulses me. I make it a point to bring a yogurt or an apple every day and eat it as he eats his chips. Is this weird? I mean I work in a bakery, I see people ordering cakes and pastry all the time, but it’s the fact that this man eats this bag of chips every day as if it was so great that gets me. I apologize to all you chip lovers out there, hopefully he is also a member of a gym or gets a well balanced meal every night.
My man Josh Beckett is pitching tonight. I am telling you, these Red Sox are going to be the death of me. They have to win…they are better than how they have played the last 3 games. WHAT ARE THEY DOINGGGGGGGG.
GO SOX!!!!!
My patriots are 6-0….amazing. my tommy never lets me down. Randy is on fire too…thank god Harrison is back <33 LOVE ME SOME PATRIOTS ;)
I haven’t written anything good in a while. I have so many stories in my head but I don’t know how to start any of them. There are so many things I want to say and want people to read right now. I just don’t know how to get them from my brain to the paper. There are so many things going on in the world that are disgusting, and there are so many things that are beautiful. I hear them all and am immediately affected by them all. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to laugh. But the only thing I can really do is sit and think about them…and want to write something inspirational and something that changes the world. And I can’t help but think that changing the world won’t take as much as people think…but at the same time…I wonder why it is so hard to put on paper the feelings about it in my heart.
Like all good things, this takes time. My creative juices are flowing, and when that spark hits me, something will start.
On another note, there is a man every Tuesday and Thursday when I sit at BSC and do work before math that is always here. He sits and eats a medium size bag of lays chips, and chomps as If he hasn’t eaten anything for days. He licks the grease and salt off his fingers and his bag crinkles and it repulses me. I make it a point to bring a yogurt or an apple every day and eat it as he eats his chips. Is this weird? I mean I work in a bakery, I see people ordering cakes and pastry all the time, but it’s the fact that this man eats this bag of chips every day as if it was so great that gets me. I apologize to all you chip lovers out there, hopefully he is also a member of a gym or gets a well balanced meal every night.
My man Josh Beckett is pitching tonight. I am telling you, these Red Sox are going to be the death of me. They have to win…they are better than how they have played the last 3 games. WHAT ARE THEY DOINGGGGGGGG.
GO SOX!!!!!
My patriots are 6-0….amazing. my tommy never lets me down. Randy is on fire too…thank god Harrison is back <33 LOVE ME SOME PATRIOTS ;)