For math nerds, but others may giggle
Terrorist School Teacher Arrested
Terrorist School Teacher Arrested, as reported first on CNN
NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport
as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide
rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man,
who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x'
and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better
weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides
told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.
Terrorist School Teacher Arrested, as reported first on CNN
NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport
as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide
rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man,
who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x'
and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better
weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides
told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.