(no subject)
my head hurts. i feel sick about responsibilities i don't want.
also confused about life and whether i even want to go to grad school, let alone what i want to study there. i can't wait to graduate and be done with classes, but i'm scared about where i am going. the thing i wish for the most is for my parents to just drop it. seriously. they make it too hard on themselves and thus on me.
i feel very anti-social these days due to working so many hours at night and then very early in the morning.
i think that i really like japanese. yes, after three years, i come to this point. i will work very hard on it and when i don't want to do other homework, that's what i work on.
i like studying. i need to keep in mind that i am doing the things i do for myself and not others and only that alone can keep me motivated and happy.
i don't want to be trapped in the assigned particularities of being an amercanized chinese+ being chinese + being a daughter + being a good student, as defined by others.
i think about love sometimes and how there are so many people in the world have crossed so many boundaries for it -- social, religious, economic, political, geographic. it's truly fucking amazing but at the same time, maybe it shouldn't be as amazing/awesome as it is because we should already have crossed these boundaries in our minds and social frame. what i want is just something distilled and pure. love shouldn't be this huge leap off of a canyon or something that i imagine.
also confused about life and whether i even want to go to grad school, let alone what i want to study there. i can't wait to graduate and be done with classes, but i'm scared about where i am going. the thing i wish for the most is for my parents to just drop it. seriously. they make it too hard on themselves and thus on me.
i feel very anti-social these days due to working so many hours at night and then very early in the morning.
i think that i really like japanese. yes, after three years, i come to this point. i will work very hard on it and when i don't want to do other homework, that's what i work on.
i like studying. i need to keep in mind that i am doing the things i do for myself and not others and only that alone can keep me motivated and happy.
i don't want to be trapped in the assigned particularities of being an amercanized chinese+ being chinese + being a daughter + being a good student, as defined by others.
i think about love sometimes and how there are so many people in the world have crossed so many boundaries for it -- social, religious, economic, political, geographic. it's truly fucking amazing but at the same time, maybe it shouldn't be as amazing/awesome as it is because we should already have crossed these boundaries in our minds and social frame. what i want is just something distilled and pure. love shouldn't be this huge leap off of a canyon or something that i imagine.