i need you jesus, to come to my rescue. where else can i go....

[roseate126]

He says i deserve every bit of beef that he gives me. he says its my own fault. i dont understand. i mixed my sisers laundry with my own and didnt sort any delicates or anything and yet that makes me a bad person... its alway going to be like this, he says. even if i do do my responsabilities its only because i want something so it doesnt count, he says. it hurts so bad sometimes god, wanting so badly to be who you want me to be but at the same time being terrified of screwing up even the slightest cause i know he's going to be the first one to call me a hypocrite. it hurts even worse knowing that he loves ne and still hurts me. im alot of the reason why he is always yelling.i know i mess up. ill admit i do things carelessly and only think of myself sometimes, but im a sinner. i wish i were perfect, if it means not ever having to go through this. im in a lose lose situation. he doesnt understand me. he thinks he does but he desnt even know me. only two people in this world really know me. Myself and God. ok so hes not a person now but he was. i cant ever stick up for myself. i dont even think it would be worth it if i did cause he wont listen anyways. i cant let him see the hurt cause then he'll know hes won. its so hard. not knowing what to do. am i a bad person for wanting to get away from him, away from it all and be on my own. your word says that theres a purpose for my life and because of that promise, i'll hold on for as long as it takes. please give me a way out. i dont want to hate him. please help me to forgive him.
forgive myself...