Care and Feeding of Rose at Readercon
Tomorrow I am leaving for Readercon, where I will be seeing many friends and new people - hurray! If we have never met IRL, please come by and introduce yourself.
Things you need to know about me if you would like to socialize with me.
I have a sensory integration dysfunction.
Loud, new environments are disorienting and confusing. I lose my way easily in new environments. I can get overwhelmed.
Established friends, you can help by hanging out with me and assuming I would appreciate a "native guide" to get places. If you told me you'd help, don't leave me, please. New people, you are welcome to hang out with me, but please do not offer to be a native guide unless I ask you to; it is disorienting.
Listening to my ipod helps with my SID/overwhelm. I might need put on my headphones (I usually tell people I need to do this). This is not because I am ignoring you/you are boring/I hate you. I am dealing with my SID.
I am often in pain
I have a back injury, shoulder and arm pain, and many other types of pain. I am in pain now, and flights exacerbate it. Which means that pain will be with me this Readercon.
How you can help: If you see me sitting down, acting catatonic, or attempting painfully to stretch - tea helps. Hot tea, the hotter the better, green or black is best, but any tea will do. I might not be able to answer your question on whether I need tea. Trying to engage me in conversation is not an effective strategy. Tea + staying with me until I say I'm better is very good. It usually does get better after 1-2 cups of tea have been ingested.
Touch
I do not engage in socially motivated touch with people I have never met. This means that if you are new and you want to give me a hug, you need to ask "Is it OK to give you a hug?" or similar, and not be offended if I say "maybe later." Please do not come at me with arms wide open. Established friends, you are very welcome to come to me with arms wide open. However, if we have not been huggy in the past, asking "Hug?" is good, makes me feel safe.
I am not anti-hugs. Hugs are awesome. But with the above caveats.
Please note I do not initiate touch unless it is with friends with whom touch is established. Even then, initiating touch is very difficult. With the exception of hugs and handshakes, I view touching to be an activity reserved for intimate partners. If you are a good friend I will accept touch, but I will not initiate it.
Food
I think things are mostly worked out? But just in case: I keep a variety of kashrut. It is not Orthodox strict, but I do not deviate from it. When outside my home, I eat vegetarian and kosher fish. I do not eat meat, poultry, or seafood. In addition, I react badly to gluten, tomatoes, and many types of dairy (especially in a stressful situations like a con). Sugary foods and processed foods are not my friends . I do love hot meals. Please do not offer me cakes, cookies, processed foods, cheese, etc. If you want to offer something, fruit is a yay. Not offering is also a yay.
Gender
I am genderqueer. I feel masculine more often than feminine. I am going through a femme period. I will be in skirts, dresses, and jewelry. I may be in jeans for a day or so, but I am not sure. Please do not assume that I am feeling female if I am in femme getups. Those are separate things. Please do assume that I am still genderqueer and queer when I am in femme getups.
I am also compelled to cover slightly more than my baseline. I am usually compelled to cover, but I sometimes wear short sleeved shirts. I have lately been wearing 3/4 and long sleeves. You may also see me wear a large shawl. "Aren't you hot in this?" is not an appropriate question.
Note re: observance, I am not observing shabbat at this juncture as a part of my "shabbaton from observance." (it is not a complete shabbaton, as can be seen from above).
My pronoun of choise is "she/her", but "they" is not unwelcome.
Personal status.
At this juncture in my life I am single. However, I am not looking for dates/partners because I am in conversations with someone. Unlike my ex-marriage, this is not a monogamous juncture in my life, which is to say I am more available than I have ever been as an adult. I am open to gentle discussions with friends at least in principle, but I am not open to anything more and may never be, depending on how things develop with my person down the road.
Looking forward to seeing you at Readercon!
Things you need to know about me if you would like to socialize with me.
I have a sensory integration dysfunction.
Loud, new environments are disorienting and confusing. I lose my way easily in new environments. I can get overwhelmed.
Established friends, you can help by hanging out with me and assuming I would appreciate a "native guide" to get places. If you told me you'd help, don't leave me, please. New people, you are welcome to hang out with me, but please do not offer to be a native guide unless I ask you to; it is disorienting.
Listening to my ipod helps with my SID/overwhelm. I might need put on my headphones (I usually tell people I need to do this). This is not because I am ignoring you/you are boring/I hate you. I am dealing with my SID.
I am often in pain
I have a back injury, shoulder and arm pain, and many other types of pain. I am in pain now, and flights exacerbate it. Which means that pain will be with me this Readercon.
How you can help: If you see me sitting down, acting catatonic, or attempting painfully to stretch - tea helps. Hot tea, the hotter the better, green or black is best, but any tea will do. I might not be able to answer your question on whether I need tea. Trying to engage me in conversation is not an effective strategy. Tea + staying with me until I say I'm better is very good. It usually does get better after 1-2 cups of tea have been ingested.
Touch
I do not engage in socially motivated touch with people I have never met. This means that if you are new and you want to give me a hug, you need to ask "Is it OK to give you a hug?" or similar, and not be offended if I say "maybe later." Please do not come at me with arms wide open. Established friends, you are very welcome to come to me with arms wide open. However, if we have not been huggy in the past, asking "Hug?" is good, makes me feel safe.
I am not anti-hugs. Hugs are awesome. But with the above caveats.
Please note I do not initiate touch unless it is with friends with whom touch is established. Even then, initiating touch is very difficult. With the exception of hugs and handshakes, I view touching to be an activity reserved for intimate partners. If you are a good friend I will accept touch, but I will not initiate it.
Food
I think things are mostly worked out? But just in case: I keep a variety of kashrut. It is not Orthodox strict, but I do not deviate from it. When outside my home, I eat vegetarian and kosher fish. I do not eat meat, poultry, or seafood. In addition, I react badly to gluten, tomatoes, and many types of dairy (especially in a stressful situations like a con). Sugary foods and processed foods are not my friends . I do love hot meals. Please do not offer me cakes, cookies, processed foods, cheese, etc. If you want to offer something, fruit is a yay. Not offering is also a yay.
Gender
I am genderqueer. I feel masculine more often than feminine. I am going through a femme period. I will be in skirts, dresses, and jewelry. I may be in jeans for a day or so, but I am not sure. Please do not assume that I am feeling female if I am in femme getups. Those are separate things. Please do assume that I am still genderqueer and queer when I am in femme getups.
I am also compelled to cover slightly more than my baseline. I am usually compelled to cover, but I sometimes wear short sleeved shirts. I have lately been wearing 3/4 and long sleeves. You may also see me wear a large shawl. "Aren't you hot in this?" is not an appropriate question.
Note re: observance, I am not observing shabbat at this juncture as a part of my "shabbaton from observance." (it is not a complete shabbaton, as can be seen from above).
My pronoun of choise is "she/her", but "they" is not unwelcome.
Personal status.
At this juncture in my life I am single. However, I am not looking for dates/partners because I am in conversations with someone. Unlike my ex-marriage, this is not a monogamous juncture in my life, which is to say I am more available than I have ever been as an adult. I am open to gentle discussions with friends at least in principle, but I am not open to anything more and may never be, depending on how things develop with my person down the road.
Looking forward to seeing you at Readercon!