*contented sigh* I liked this story very much! ^_^ During the first two chapters you have an abundance of awkward phrasing and sentence structure, and you also have a terrible habit of neglecting the comma. The comma is good for you and your sentences, use it! Just things to keep in mind when you are polishing. :]
I liked this, I did. When Tomas went to face the dragon, I felt real fear for him, because I felt with the way you had set it up, he really could fail. In longer novels you never really believe the love interest/hero figure will actually die. But with this short story there was just enough characterization that I liked him, and but not so much that I felt he was invincible.
I liked how the love story was simple, realistic, and straightforward, without a lot of cluttering angst and overemotions. Her betrothed turns out to be a good, humble guy with principles, of course she should fall in love with him. :)
Your dialogue is very good. I could never pull off those formal, older speech patterns. You did it very well. :)
Is your Nano a continuation after this, or this story expanded? Because I really liked this as a short story. :) How many Word pages is it?
Now, to business. What color is Mina's dress when she faces the dragon? Or, rather, is it dark or light colored? Her hair is blond and curly, right?
What size is the dragon really? What size is its head in comparison to a man's body? It can't be too big if it comfortably inhabits a human castle and the people of the village nearby never see it.
I think that's it! Thanks for a good story, Erin! ^_^
*contented sigh* I liked this story very much! ^_^
Thanks! *blush*
The comma is good for you and your sentences, use it!
No! Commas are evil! Eeeevvvillll, I say!
Is your Nano a continuation after this, or this story expanded? Because I really liked this as a short story. :) How many Word pages is it?
The NaNo sequel takes place about two months after the events in Dragonslayer. As for pages, I don't know because I'm not at my computer (it's being fixed). I think it was around 30 pages? Maybe.
What color is Mina's dress when she faces the dragon? Or, rather, is it dark or light colored? Her hair is blond and curly, right?
Blue. Wait a minute. You're coloring it? Squee! I would have been thrilled with a simple lined drawing, but colors? Woohoo!!!!!
Ahem. Her hair is blonde, but not so much curly. It's mostly straight, though a little wavy and thick.
What size is the dragon really? What size is its head in comparison to a man's body? It can't be too big if it comfortably inhabits a human castle and the people of the village nearby never see it.
Erm... it's big. LOL. Maybe horse-head size, though slightly bigger. Kraken is a big castle and the dragon stays in the great hall section which was huge. Villagers don't see it that often these days because it stayed away from the village, fearing the scent of Gryffin :D.
During the first two chapters you have an abundance of awkward phrasing and sentence structure, and you also have a terrible habit of neglecting the comma. The comma is good for you and your sentences, use it!
Just things to keep in mind when you are polishing. :]
I liked this, I did. When Tomas went to face the dragon, I felt real fear for him, because I felt with the way you had set it up, he really could fail. In longer novels you never really believe the love interest/hero figure will actually die. But with this short story there was just enough characterization that I liked him, and but not so much that I felt he was invincible.
I liked how the love story was simple, realistic, and straightforward, without a lot of cluttering angst and overemotions. Her betrothed turns out to be a good, humble guy with principles, of course she should fall in love with him. :)
Your dialogue is very good. I could never pull off those formal, older speech patterns. You did it very well. :)
Is your Nano a continuation after this, or this story expanded? Because I really liked this as a short story. :) How many Word pages is it?
Now, to business.
What color is Mina's dress when she faces the dragon? Or, rather, is it dark or light colored? Her hair is blond and curly, right?
What size is the dragon really? What size is its head in comparison to a man's body? It can't be too big if it comfortably inhabits a human castle and the people of the village nearby never see it.
I think that's it! Thanks for a good story, Erin! ^_^
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Thanks! *blush*
The comma is good for you and your sentences, use it!
No! Commas are evil! Eeeevvvillll, I say!
Is your Nano a continuation after this, or this story expanded? Because I really liked this as a short story. :) How many Word pages is it?
The NaNo sequel takes place about two months after the events in Dragonslayer. As for pages, I don't know because I'm not at my computer (it's being fixed). I think it was around 30 pages? Maybe.
What color is Mina's dress when she faces the dragon? Or, rather, is it dark or light colored? Her hair is blond and curly, right?
Blue. Wait a minute. You're coloring it? Squee! I would have been thrilled with a simple lined drawing, but colors? Woohoo!!!!!
Ahem. Her hair is blonde, but not so much curly. It's mostly straight, though a little wavy and thick.
What size is the dragon really? What size is its head in comparison to a man's body? It can't be too big if it comfortably inhabits a human castle and the people of the village nearby never see it.
Erm... it's big. LOL. Maybe horse-head size, though slightly bigger. Kraken is a big castle and the dragon stays in the great hall section which was huge. Villagers don't see it that often these days because it stayed away from the village, fearing the scent of Gryffin :D.
Thank you so much!
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