Whiney Fuck-bucketing
I realise that I have spent the past week (not on here but in general) being a complete whiney fuckbucket and I want to take this opportunity to apologise, even if I didn't do it to you. Mostly, it's just that i've been on a really daft diet all week that has meant be spending a lot of time being very hungry and very spacey and then after the week was up i realised that even though i lost maybe half a stone i'm never going to be as effortlessly thin and pretty as a lot of other girls I know and can't see at the moment without a good dollop of self loathing creeping in. This is not an easy feeling to shift and the suggestion that just continuing to diet will help me with it doesn't actually help in the least, kindly meant though it was.
Consequently i've been angsting my poor housemates to death and even though I know i'm doing it i don't seem to be able to stop. I'm hoping that ranting here will at least spare them a little of the general ranting because beyond the obvious there's not a great deal you can say to someone who keeps banging on about how much they don't like themselves and knowing that i'm doing it is just making me dislike myself even more and it's all a great big spiral of nastiness.
Worse still, and probably connected is the fact that i'm supposed to be getting into the head of someone who really does think they're beautiful and at the moment i'm feeling like the description of my character as "beautiful" just has everyone laughing at me behind my back. Not to mention I had half a minute yesterday when i thought "If I was only thinner than Mr T would love me after all" which was maybe a tad crazy.
Heigh ho. Sorry about that. Just needed to vent. Probably more needed would be for someone just to slap me and tell me to shut up and that I'm beautiful but i'm aware that that's asking a lot since i'd want them to mean it. GRRRR.
On the other hand I just fixed my corset what died at the last Dark Side and wearing it makes me feel infinitely better.
So does gin. :-)
Consequently i've been angsting my poor housemates to death and even though I know i'm doing it i don't seem to be able to stop. I'm hoping that ranting here will at least spare them a little of the general ranting because beyond the obvious there's not a great deal you can say to someone who keeps banging on about how much they don't like themselves and knowing that i'm doing it is just making me dislike myself even more and it's all a great big spiral of nastiness.
Worse still, and probably connected is the fact that i'm supposed to be getting into the head of someone who really does think they're beautiful and at the moment i'm feeling like the description of my character as "beautiful" just has everyone laughing at me behind my back. Not to mention I had half a minute yesterday when i thought "If I was only thinner than Mr T would love me after all" which was maybe a tad crazy.
Heigh ho. Sorry about that. Just needed to vent. Probably more needed would be for someone just to slap me and tell me to shut up and that I'm beautiful but i'm aware that that's asking a lot since i'd want them to mean it. GRRRR.
On the other hand I just fixed my corset what died at the last Dark Side and wearing it makes me feel infinitely better.
So does gin. :-)