The presence of Grandma and Gramma
Why is it I feel closer to my ‘adopted’ Grandma and Gramma than I do to my biological grandnana and Grandmother?
Physical difference could play a part - after all, I don’t live in the same state - in fact, a drive to visit most of my cousins would take three days, one way, which does not make it easy to visit or spend time with my cousins and the extended family.
Emotional difference could be another huge factor: I’ve only seen my mom’s mother and my dad’s mom a handful of times, and most of the times I remember, it was a HUGE family reunion … or a funeral, and neither are good for making personal connections to people seen only rarely, if ever.
Adopted Grandma Mary may not have officially adopted me - or my parents - but she knew children need someone to love them unconditionally, and so, once she learned my parents were not able to reach their parents physically, she (upon seeing me as a ten-month infant), insisted they call her Grandma, and let myself (and any future brothers and sisters) call her Grandma.
Grandma Mary was an excellent example of "Unconditional Love". Simply being around her seemed to make everything better.
Grandma Mary, sweet lady that se was, had room enough in her heart for her five own children, her twenty-five grandchildren, and my whole family.
Grandma Mary had a heart of gold. For every birthday - and I do mean EVERY birthday, children grandchildren, spouses all - she made that person’s favorite meal. (And for the kids, a present or two - but never more than two items at any one birthday; she lived within her means, and wanted to shower the children - kids and adults - with love, not toys or treasures that break or could be stolen).
Christmas was a HUGE affair: everyone who could fit into the house was invited - her children had some sense and, alternated holidays: some children would come Thanksgiving, the others would arrive Christmas, and they would alternate which families arrived when. -
Up till the day of her death, there wasn’t someone in need that Grandma Mary wasn’t fixing a meal for, giving a ride to, sharing God’s love, compassion and mercy on. My family - myself, my sisters, my brothers, my mom and dad - saw that love fully engaged and fully connected.
We weren’t the only recipients of her bountiful heart and kind soul - I have no doubt that there were other children around the neighborhood who benefited from her generosity, in the form of a warm meal, favorite desert (freezer kept full of everyone’s favorite ice creams, cupboards always stocked with other candies and sweet-tooth items - but moderation was strictly enforced: one desert a visit, and my mom, trying not to overwhelm Grandma with her rambunctious kids, visited once a week; unless it was somebody’s birthday, and then we saw her twice in seven days), or a specially-picked out toy.
It has been ten years since Grandma Mary passed, and I still miss her - but she lives in my heart, in my memories, and is with God in heaven.
Adopted Gramma Ruth did not officially adopted me - or any of the children she taught, encouraged, or encountered.
She had a heart for children and kids of all ages - from the newborns, to the infants, to the toddlers, to the five-and-six-year olds heading to school for the first time, and through the years ahead. (Most of the kids she cared for were ten months to six years or so - Gramma Ruth ran the church Nursery and was the primary caretaker for the youngest. She did have her helpers - some older children used to helping out their mothers at home, - but Gramma Ruth’s word was law in the nursery.
Whoever said Love can't be tough never met my Gramma Ruth!
Gramma Ruth had a presence that … there are no words to describe.
Because of her influence - and no-nonsense attitude - I learned delayed gratification. Because of Gramma Ruth’s presence, I learned emotional self-control. (Maybe that is one reason when I see five year olds throw temper tantrums, six year olds having hissy fits, seven year olds creating a ruckus, eight year olds screaming their heads off, nine year olds making a mess in stories and destroying property - even if it is simply knocking a display down - I cringe and wonder why their parents let them get away with the fussing. Then, to “calm” their child down, to placate the screaming monster, they give in and buy whatever toy, candy or item that the kid wanted and was denied before he/she made the noisy scene.)
Gramma Ruth didn’t let any of her kids - or grandkids - get away with that.
Oh no! Even at the tender age of three, if we started demanding more, and turned on more than just the water works, there was negative reinforcement, in the form of a quick swat to the bottom.
It didn’t hurt. The shock value was enough for us to stop the emotional display … and if we continued insisting on crying or started stealing the younger kids food, well, the first swat got our attention. The next swat - still not hurting or harming us - let us know that such behavior would NOT be tolerated. We learned to control our emotions, and not let our emotions dictate our actions and behavior. We still felt feelings, and sill feel our emotions, and these early lessons have helped us throughout our life.
And yet, somehow, Gramma Ruth always knew when we were cranky because we were tired, and when we were trying to boss her (or the babies) around, getting more snacks than we needed. For those who were tired, a ride in the rocking chair, a warm lap, soothing hands, were the order of the day - and sometimes, just being near Gramma was enough to calm us down, even if we still didn’t sleep.
Gramma Ruth’s funeral is Saturday.
The world is a darker place without her presence.
At least she’s no longer suffering. (Dementia - ugly disease, stealing memories and straining relationships - Gramma Ruth was married to her husband Phil for many, many years - I don’t know if it was forty, fifty, or sixty - but it was a LOT of time, but towards the end, while she never forgot her husband of forever, she did start fearing he would leave her for a younger, healthier woman.)
Oh:
And for those who haven't heard:
The first man to orbit earth - John Glenn - died earlier this week.
Physical difference could play a part - after all, I don’t live in the same state - in fact, a drive to visit most of my cousins would take three days, one way, which does not make it easy to visit or spend time with my cousins and the extended family.
Emotional difference could be another huge factor: I’ve only seen my mom’s mother and my dad’s mom a handful of times, and most of the times I remember, it was a HUGE family reunion … or a funeral, and neither are good for making personal connections to people seen only rarely, if ever.
Adopted Grandma Mary may not have officially adopted me - or my parents - but she knew children need someone to love them unconditionally, and so, once she learned my parents were not able to reach their parents physically, she (upon seeing me as a ten-month infant), insisted they call her Grandma, and let myself (and any future brothers and sisters) call her Grandma.
Grandma Mary was an excellent example of "Unconditional Love". Simply being around her seemed to make everything better.
Grandma Mary, sweet lady that se was, had room enough in her heart for her five own children, her twenty-five grandchildren, and my whole family.
Grandma Mary had a heart of gold. For every birthday - and I do mean EVERY birthday, children grandchildren, spouses all - she made that person’s favorite meal. (And for the kids, a present or two - but never more than two items at any one birthday; she lived within her means, and wanted to shower the children - kids and adults - with love, not toys or treasures that break or could be stolen).
Christmas was a HUGE affair: everyone who could fit into the house was invited - her children had some sense and, alternated holidays: some children would come Thanksgiving, the others would arrive Christmas, and they would alternate which families arrived when. -
Up till the day of her death, there wasn’t someone in need that Grandma Mary wasn’t fixing a meal for, giving a ride to, sharing God’s love, compassion and mercy on. My family - myself, my sisters, my brothers, my mom and dad - saw that love fully engaged and fully connected.
We weren’t the only recipients of her bountiful heart and kind soul - I have no doubt that there were other children around the neighborhood who benefited from her generosity, in the form of a warm meal, favorite desert (freezer kept full of everyone’s favorite ice creams, cupboards always stocked with other candies and sweet-tooth items - but moderation was strictly enforced: one desert a visit, and my mom, trying not to overwhelm Grandma with her rambunctious kids, visited once a week; unless it was somebody’s birthday, and then we saw her twice in seven days), or a specially-picked out toy.
It has been ten years since Grandma Mary passed, and I still miss her - but she lives in my heart, in my memories, and is with God in heaven.
Adopted Gramma Ruth did not officially adopted me - or any of the children she taught, encouraged, or encountered.
She had a heart for children and kids of all ages - from the newborns, to the infants, to the toddlers, to the five-and-six-year olds heading to school for the first time, and through the years ahead. (Most of the kids she cared for were ten months to six years or so - Gramma Ruth ran the church Nursery and was the primary caretaker for the youngest. She did have her helpers - some older children used to helping out their mothers at home, - but Gramma Ruth’s word was law in the nursery.
Whoever said Love can't be tough never met my Gramma Ruth!
Gramma Ruth had a presence that … there are no words to describe.
Because of her influence - and no-nonsense attitude - I learned delayed gratification. Because of Gramma Ruth’s presence, I learned emotional self-control. (Maybe that is one reason when I see five year olds throw temper tantrums, six year olds having hissy fits, seven year olds creating a ruckus, eight year olds screaming their heads off, nine year olds making a mess in stories and destroying property - even if it is simply knocking a display down - I cringe and wonder why their parents let them get away with the fussing. Then, to “calm” their child down, to placate the screaming monster, they give in and buy whatever toy, candy or item that the kid wanted and was denied before he/she made the noisy scene.)
Gramma Ruth didn’t let any of her kids - or grandkids - get away with that.
Oh no! Even at the tender age of three, if we started demanding more, and turned on more than just the water works, there was negative reinforcement, in the form of a quick swat to the bottom.
It didn’t hurt. The shock value was enough for us to stop the emotional display … and if we continued insisting on crying or started stealing the younger kids food, well, the first swat got our attention. The next swat - still not hurting or harming us - let us know that such behavior would NOT be tolerated. We learned to control our emotions, and not let our emotions dictate our actions and behavior. We still felt feelings, and sill feel our emotions, and these early lessons have helped us throughout our life.
And yet, somehow, Gramma Ruth always knew when we were cranky because we were tired, and when we were trying to boss her (or the babies) around, getting more snacks than we needed. For those who were tired, a ride in the rocking chair, a warm lap, soothing hands, were the order of the day - and sometimes, just being near Gramma was enough to calm us down, even if we still didn’t sleep.
Gramma Ruth’s funeral is Saturday.
The world is a darker place without her presence.
At least she’s no longer suffering. (Dementia - ugly disease, stealing memories and straining relationships - Gramma Ruth was married to her husband Phil for many, many years - I don’t know if it was forty, fifty, or sixty - but it was a LOT of time, but towards the end, while she never forgot her husband of forever, she did start fearing he would leave her for a younger, healthier woman.)
Oh:
And for those who haven't heard:
The first man to orbit earth - John Glenn - died earlier this week.