(no subject)
If i could go to therapy five times a week maybe i would be able to deal with life. If i prayed everyday maybe i would be able to deal with this life. I don't know what will help. I am all alone with my crazy self. I can't make things like they were before. My space and my life for those four years is over. I need to get my own space. I need to move. My sisters don't even respect me. They make me feel like i shouldn't even exist. I know this sounds dramatic but its true. I have to hear from one how I'm awful and selfish and everything else. THen from the other one that i'm selfish and everything i want is stupid and blah blah blah. I just want them to stop. I am no one. I have nothing. lI don't even know who i am because i have listened to so much bullshit for so many years of my life. The only thing I have really wanted in my life was to be loved and to make others life me. This goal has just made me feel hurt and worthless. I wrote in my other journal and it didn't help so i thought if someone else understood then that would be enough to make me feel better. If someone else would read this and then it would make them feel like there were not the only one then i would get some peace. I don't have anything to hold onto, I am on my own. I don't know how I'm going to do this but there is nothing else.