(no subject)
God, I hate my parents. I didn't really want to go to the mall, I wanted to call Jane my friends and... hang out. But no, they made me take Claire. My life sucks.
However, I ran into Anya, of all people, in the HMV... and she invited me to a party. I'm gonna spend the night at her brother's place (where the party is) and then we'll both go to school together tomorrow. I told my parents I have to work on a project with Anya so I'm just gonna sleep over at her place. Aaaand... they totally bought it. Seriously, for how strict my parents are? They are completely retarded sometimes.
So a couple nights ago, after school, Jane took me to the Break Room to show me how to play pool. It was fun, and I think I did okay considering I'd never actually played it before. We ran into one of Jane's friends from junior high while we were there, and holy crap, Jane looked like she saw a ghost. Not to mention this girl couldn't remember Jane's name. Kept calling her Anna or something. It made Jane start acting really weird, and we left pretty quickly after that, and headed over to her place.
That girl has some serious artistic ability, by the way. She's got her room all decorated with her own art, it looks so cool. I asked if she'd draw something of me sometime. Not like, of me, but how she actually sees me in her mind's eye, you know? I felt like such a tard asking it, but she actually seemed almost pleased I did. Then she showed me this INCREDIBLE drawing that she said I had inspired her to start. It's just so intense. There's this injured deer that's part of a tree... it's hard to explain, you just have to see it. I know it sounds kind of weird to say that I inspired her to draw some hurt animal, but if you were to see it you'd understand. And that's also what makes me think that it's not so much about me as it is about us. Us. Heh. I don't even know what to say about that...
Plus, we were making out and well... it got pretty intense. What with the pool lesson she'd given me earlier, plus how touched I was that she would open up enough to let me see her artwork, I just couldn't help myself. Something about that girl, she just does something to me. I don't even know what it is. God, I'm so confused. I like her. I do. But I don't know what it even means. The only person I really know who likes girls like that is Jane herself, and I can't exactly talk to her about all this shit when she's the one who's causing all this inner... turmoil? Like, how fair is that. "Oh hey, Jane. I need to talk to you about this emotional rollercoaster I'm on right now. By the way, you're the cause of it." That would SO not fly. I don't even know what to do.
What I do know? I have had this weird need for two days... this weird need for her that won't go away, and I swear it's all because we didnt get to, well, finish. Thanks to her brother coming home. Jane slammed on the brakes pretty quick after that. And god... if this is how Jane has felt after me sometimes, I'm just... seriously sorry. Because this sucks.
It all sucks. God do I ever wish I wasn't this confused.
However, I ran into Anya, of all people, in the HMV... and she invited me to a party. I'm gonna spend the night at her brother's place (where the party is) and then we'll both go to school together tomorrow. I told my parents I have to work on a project with Anya so I'm just gonna sleep over at her place. Aaaand... they totally bought it. Seriously, for how strict my parents are? They are completely retarded sometimes.
So a couple nights ago, after school, Jane took me to the Break Room to show me how to play pool. It was fun, and I think I did okay considering I'd never actually played it before. We ran into one of Jane's friends from junior high while we were there, and holy crap, Jane looked like she saw a ghost. Not to mention this girl couldn't remember Jane's name. Kept calling her Anna or something. It made Jane start acting really weird, and we left pretty quickly after that, and headed over to her place.
That girl has some serious artistic ability, by the way. She's got her room all decorated with her own art, it looks so cool. I asked if she'd draw something of me sometime. Not like, of me, but how she actually sees me in her mind's eye, you know? I felt like such a tard asking it, but she actually seemed almost pleased I did. Then she showed me this INCREDIBLE drawing that she said I had inspired her to start. It's just so intense. There's this injured deer that's part of a tree... it's hard to explain, you just have to see it. I know it sounds kind of weird to say that I inspired her to draw some hurt animal, but if you were to see it you'd understand. And that's also what makes me think that it's not so much about me as it is about us. Us. Heh. I don't even know what to say about that...
Plus, we were making out and well... it got pretty intense. What with the pool lesson she'd given me earlier, plus how touched I was that she would open up enough to let me see her artwork, I just couldn't help myself. Something about that girl, she just does something to me. I don't even know what it is. God, I'm so confused. I like her. I do. But I don't know what it even means. The only person I really know who likes girls like that is Jane herself, and I can't exactly talk to her about all this shit when she's the one who's causing all this inner... turmoil? Like, how fair is that. "Oh hey, Jane. I need to talk to you about this emotional rollercoaster I'm on right now. By the way, you're the cause of it." That would SO not fly. I don't even know what to do.
What I do know? I have had this weird need for two days... this weird need for her that won't go away, and I swear it's all because we didnt get to, well, finish. Thanks to her brother coming home. Jane slammed on the brakes pretty quick after that. And god... if this is how Jane has felt after me sometimes, I'm just... seriously sorry. Because this sucks.
It all sucks. God do I ever wish I wasn't this confused.