(no subject)
I suppose now that everything is known and out in the open, I can finally complain in a journal entry about the reasons my life is just one big mess.
Pat, if you actually get on LJ and are reading this, please don't. You can if you really want to. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe you should read this. It explains everything in far more detail.
I guess this is how you feel when you've lost your anchor. That thing that holds you down.
Maybe it would have been better if I had told the truth sooner, but instead I held on to one of the most meaningful friendships of my life. Maybe it would have been better to have told him in the first place and never let things get this far. I know he's told me that he wouldn't want that to change, and I wouldn't either to an extent. But I guess there has always been that idea of wanting more.
I am going to miss it I think. I'm not sure anything will be the same no matter how much he wants it to be like there is nothing. I think the thing I'll miss the most though is being able to curl into his side and just sit there for hours talking. I have always felt the safest at those points. It was home. I have never felt like I belonged anywhere else in those moments. Those moments I almost certain are gone forever.
But, oh well. Life happens. As long as he is happy doing whatever it is he is doing, then I'll be happy too. I could careless if I get hurt. If he's happy I'm good. I wish there were another way to describe it, but I am at a loss for words.
I'll be alright. I can move on and grow. I'll never forget anything that has happened.
I feel that my playlist has a huge impact on this entry so I'm going to put it here too.
Come Home - One Republic
Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind - Spring Awakening
Let It Rain - Kris Allen
The Truth - Kris Allen
Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert
Aftermath - Adam Lambert
Lean On Me - Glee Cast
Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
I Need To Know - Kris Allen
Pat, if you actually get on LJ and are reading this, please don't. You can if you really want to. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe you should read this. It explains everything in far more detail.
I guess this is how you feel when you've lost your anchor. That thing that holds you down.
Maybe it would have been better if I had told the truth sooner, but instead I held on to one of the most meaningful friendships of my life. Maybe it would have been better to have told him in the first place and never let things get this far. I know he's told me that he wouldn't want that to change, and I wouldn't either to an extent. But I guess there has always been that idea of wanting more.
I am going to miss it I think. I'm not sure anything will be the same no matter how much he wants it to be like there is nothing. I think the thing I'll miss the most though is being able to curl into his side and just sit there for hours talking. I have always felt the safest at those points. It was home. I have never felt like I belonged anywhere else in those moments. Those moments I almost certain are gone forever.
But, oh well. Life happens. As long as he is happy doing whatever it is he is doing, then I'll be happy too. I could careless if I get hurt. If he's happy I'm good. I wish there were another way to describe it, but I am at a loss for words.
I'll be alright. I can move on and grow. I'll never forget anything that has happened.
I feel that my playlist has a huge impact on this entry so I'm going to put it here too.
Come Home - One Republic
Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind - Spring Awakening
Let It Rain - Kris Allen
The Truth - Kris Allen
Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert
Aftermath - Adam Lambert
Lean On Me - Glee Cast
Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
I Need To Know - Kris Allen