Christmas is another holiday I do not celebrate....
Long have I wondered, long have I paid penance for what started not long after the holy day for Christians that many of now preparing to celebrate. Though I have I done a good job of purging much of the active horrors from my mind, the yearning for a more heroic time makes it tough ... though I should be careful to not confuse heroic with that which was most expedient for the one who takes actions so described for you cannot accurately describe such acts as being for the greater good. While others prepare for the highlight of their year, I try to avoid the shadows of the deep and distant past which stir at the edge of a long and discursive memory ... mourning an innocence short lived. Recently I was asked how I keep hold of decency, but such is simple when rendered so entirely numb to the burning scars of memory searing torments holding in that which most would wish to forget if their recollection were burdened with such pen strokes on the pages of their personal history. I also mourn those things that were done to provide for me all the good things I have. This is just another day of merriment with which I could do without and would wish to blot out entirely ... curious though it is that it comes on the coattails of the celebration of my freedom and the reacquisition of all that I then and now hold dear.